neomye Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 After a bad breakup, went nc for a month and when my exbf contacted me via a message through fb i gave in (stupid choice)so mad at myself .. and it gets worst i told him that i wanted to fix things.. a day after his reply was lets take things slow and talk from time to time to see if things get better.. crushed my self esteem, my self respect is gone and i feel so rejected that i think im not going to be able to handle it.. Please any advice. anything that can help me move on. thanks
Mrlonelyone Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 What's wrong with taking it slow? Look at it this way. Do you think this person is "the one"? If so you have your whole lives to work it out.
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 After a bad breakup, went nc for a month and when my exbf contacted me via a message through fb i gave in (stupid choice)so mad at myself .. and it gets worst i told him that i wanted to fix things.. a day after his reply was lets take things slow and talk from time to time to see if things get better.. crushed my self esteem, my self respect is gone and i feel so rejected that i think im not going to be able to handle it.. Please any advice. anything that can help me move on. thanks What do YOU think he meant by lets take things slow and talk from time to time to see if things get better.. Is that the last time he "spoke" to you? How long ago was that? Do you think he's - Keeping you at arm's length?Friend-zoning you?Playing with your feelings?Throwing you breadcrumbs?Keeping you on a back-burner? If the answer to any of the above is yes - you need to read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature (link) and stick with it. it's your only chance of getting through this....
Author neomye Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 @taramaiden thanks for the reply... that was yesterday... but the way i see it is...if i gave him the chance why didnt he jump at it.
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Because he doesn't want to. He's trying to let you down gently, as far as I can tell. he has no intention of going out with you again, but understands you're hurting, and so is trying to buffer the pain. It won't work. Please - read my link. the "Caliguy" one.
Clarice Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Why did you break up?? Taking things slow could be a good thing!
Author neomye Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 @clarice. It was a long distance thing for 2 years with many plans but also a lot of breakups. Our last discussion that led to this breakup is my trust issues w him. I dont know what hes doing or going, and me being so out of control makes me doubt everything, so i ran. But this whole slowing down thing makes me feel that hes over me...what makes me angry is why did i have to initiate contact, i feel i have no dignity left.
CptSaveAho Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Take it slow = not interested in dating you or being in a relationship with you right now. People need to learn that a relationship based on a lot of breakups is not healthy. Its called a breakup because its broken.
Clarice Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 @clarice. It was a long distance thing for 2 years with many plans but also a lot of breakups. Our last discussion that led to this breakup is my trust issues w him. I dont know what hes doing or going, and me being so out of control makes me doubt everything, so i ran. But this whole slowing down thing makes me feel that hes over me...what makes me angry is why did i have to initiate contact, i feel i have no dignity left. So I take it you broke up with him? You would have to initiate contact because you are the one with the trust issues. Did he do anything to make you not trust? I don't see how him wanting to take it slow means he is over you? If he was over you surely he would want nothing to do with you?
ItsAllOver Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 It's hard to say exactly what this guy means by 'wanting to take things slow'. But taking things slow may not be a bad idea. The relationship failed for a reason. And, unless things are worked out, it will likely fail again. Taking things slow will allow time for the nexessary changes to be made in order to increase your chances of long-term success. And it will allow both of you the time necessary to determine whether getting back together is what you really want.
Author neomye Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 thanks all for the reply... it really helps to vent here and see different opinions... i guess my big problem was that my dignity was crushed to see that he didnt want to fix things right away but now i understand and need to move on...i just dont know how...
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Simple: First of all, the moment you feel a thought hit your head, you ask: "What good is this actually doing me?" The answer will be "Phukk~all". The next question you ask yourself is, "Why would I want to give precious head-space to thinking about something that is actually hindering my progress?" The answer is: "Because it's a mind-addiction." So what you do, is set up a diversionary tactic. You then say to yourself: "Well, he's out of the picture now, and no longer figures -so what would i like to do today that I'd really enjoy doing - and doesn't require approval, agreement or compromise?" And if that means wearing clashing colours, putting your hair in rollers, wearing a deep-cleanse face mask and eating Nutella straight from the jar - go for it!!
AlexfromBoston Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Look at it this way, now you can have your cake and eat it too without the guilt trip that is often associated with such madness. I'd advise you to take it slow anyways. Why don't you focus on turning the table and make him be the one to chase you. Why don't you casually meet up with him, look your best, act confident and most importantly, appear un-attainable. Guys just love to chase what they can't have...even if they have already technically had it. I am speaking from experience btw.
klw1905 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 When my ex reached out, we took it slow I had my guard up too. It has been two weeks now and there has been some up and downs along the way of taking it slow. At first I was just excited to talk to him, I missed him. I also told my ex I wanted to fix things, but not in the relationship, but what I wanted to fix to better myself. The lows for me talking it slow was what was I getting myself into I was becoming attached and I didn't want to go through the pain again. However I communicated with my ex all the time about what was going on through my head to get his perspective instead of just assuming. Today actually my ex and I had a full blown 4 hr talk about the relationship, talked it through, and we decided the best thing to do was become an item again. For me being the dumpee it actually helped by taking it slow. I knew his head was in the right place instead of just rushing into something, and thinking he was going to rethink it later. It also helped us reconnect, by just talking, and Just enjoying each other. In these few weeks there was NO comforts or sex activity. Yes I just wanted to curl up with him and just be held and my hormones have been crazy, but I needed to know if there was more to the relationship then that. If you decide you want to take it slow, I just kept waiting for my ex to contact me. I never started the conversation out about the relationship. 1
mpa Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 When my ex reached out, we took it slow I had my guard up too. It has been two weeks now and there has been some up and downs along the way of taking it slow. At first I was just excited to talk to him, I missed him. I also told my ex I wanted to fix things, but not in the relationship, but what I wanted to fix to better myself. The lows for me talking it slow was what was I getting myself into I was becoming attached and I didn't want to go through the pain again. However I communicated with my ex all the time about what was going on through my head to get his perspective instead of just assuming. Today actually my ex and I had a full blown 4 hr talk about the relationship, talked it through, and we decided the best thing to do was become an item again. For me being the dumpee it actually helped by taking it slow. I knew his head was in the right place instead of just rushing into something, and thinking he was going to rethink it later. It also helped us reconnect, by just talking, and Just enjoying each other. In these few weeks there was NO comforts or sex activity. Yes I just wanted to curl up with him and just be held and my hormones have been crazy, but I needed to know if there was more to the relationship then that. If you decide you want to take it slow, I just kept waiting for my ex to contact me. I never started the conversation out about the relationship. KLW, I kind of want to be you right now. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago and we haven't talked since. I know it's likely not to happen, but IF he were to contact me and want to try again, the way you are handling is exactly how I would want to handle it. How long were you originally together and how long were you apart?
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