orchids Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) He's my first boyfriend and we've been together for 3 years. We both have crazy flaws of our own - he has anger management and honesty issues, I have a nasty temper and am terribly emotional. But we've mostly worked it out. He's always given in to me, because he's the sweeter one in the relationship. He chased me for two whole years before we got together. Things like picking me up from work everyday, small gifts and surprises, taking me out to nearly-unaffordable dinners, writing me little love notes... and putting up with my foul mood swings, these never stopped even when we began dating seriously. I've always been proud, and have been spoilt rotten by my family - so I tend to show less affection compared to him. He's the romantic one who holds my hand, kisses me on the forehead when he thinks I'm asleep, introduces me as his girlfriend even when I tell my friends that he's just a friend (when I'm unhappy with him, which is a lot). On my part, though, I've stayed with him through a lot. He hasn't been having an easy life due to legal cases that are still on-going, and I've had to forgive (and try to forget) some terrible arguments where he's lost control, and many cases of lying (he's a habitual liar, those have tended to be somewhat small and inconsequential lies). This year, however, he has told me that he wanted to be more of a man for me, and to pick himself up from the mess he's in - so he was going to commit more time to work. We had a fight over it, because he wanted to decrease contact to one call per day (a huge change from the constant texting we're used to). He said he couldn't focus on both work and me, as I required too much time and attention. I cried, and said he might as well be breaking up with me. He said he needed "a break, not a break up". I said that that was that, and it was as good as breaking up with me. We stopped talking for two weeks. Bear in mind that "break up" has been mentioned a lot over the difficult 3 years, because of how horribly emotional I am. After two weeks, I went back to him. He had been giving me the cold shoulder (which he always does when I "push him away", as he calls it) but I had written him a letter of apology for being so unreasonable. He cried, told me he'd been cold because he'd also been focusing on work, "to give us a better future". We got back together, and everything was roses again. I saw some new girls added on his Facebook, but he brushed them off as work contacts (his work requires frequent socializing). I didn't think much of them, but days later I saw a picture dedicated to him that one of them had drawn. He said she'd liked him, but nothing had been going on. Weeks later a photo of him was uploaded in an album called "Famous Landmarks", and there were odd texts about her (not to her). When I confronted him he got defensive-angry after a while, eventually shouting and chasing me out of the house. I waited outside, and he finally talked to me. The picture was taken in a generic setting and he said it had been taken when he first met her at work; it was probably uploaded wrongly. He called her in my presence and she apologized, saying it had been uploaded wrongly. At the same time, she was writing blog entries about how much she missed him, how she thinks of kissing him, and how he was going back on promises of how he would always be there for her. When he confronted her with angry emails (at my behest), she claimed she had the right to write about whatever one-sided feelings she had. We agreed to brush her off as one of those crazy girls, although we did do some other things to attack her reputation with her friends. Weeks later, a blurry photo of him was uploaded at a famous landmark. An entry was written about how he had spent nights with her. I broke down, but he denied anything at all, saying it was just revenge on her part for how we had been nasty to her. Apparently, if the photo looked like him, it was just my mind playing tricks on me, since it was so blurry. He swore he had never gone out with her, to my face. Guess what, HIS friends all agreed that it had to be him in the photo when I asked them privately. I eventually pointed that out to him, and he said he had no feelings for her. He didn't know why he had gone out with her, but he just had. He had lied to me for weeks because he was afraid of me, and of losing me. He finally admitted that he had gone out with her, but refused to give me details. His texts to her had been deleted because they'd meant "nothing" to him, or so he said. I've broken it off with him, but this is my first relationship and I'm really devastated. I did love him, and I believe he loved/loves me (he broke down in tears at one point, and asked me why it mattered when he was still being the same to me, why we couldn't just look forward, etc)... I don't know what to do. I don't know if he will come back. TL;DR: I'd love to hear your views, and would appreciate it if someone would lend me a listening ear, maybe on Gchat. Would anyone be open to listening to a broken heart? Edited September 9, 2012 by orchids
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You were a terrible girlfriend and eventually he cheated. Learn from this and move on. Don't date habitual liars. Also, treat your BF with the kind of love and affection you want to receive... otherwise guys will always find themselves cheating. I don't think this is worth salvaging. IMHO.
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