strongnrelaxed Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I know I am late to this thread, but it is interesting and so I hope to contribute in a meaningful way. OP I think that you relationship with this guy is a little troublesome. But I think it is unfair to call it an emotional affair. In all fairness to the "ignored" poster, this is indeed how affairs start. Women have their ways of luring men in, and men have their ways. You can reject this all you want, but despite the way this guy seems to be boasting of disgusting affairs, there are women who respond to this. But there is nothing wrong with being a friend and having such conversations as long as your marriage is very strong and both spouses give each other the space to breathe in this way. In fact, I admire this sort of relationship and I think it is admirable. I have to disagree with those who say you should tell the wife of this cheater. Rule number one in life is that the messenger gets murdered. You know this is true. Never be a tattletale. I hate it that I have to say this, but alas it is how things are. You are right to address this to him. In recent years I have tried to stop judging in my personal relationships. I get all my ya ya's out there on LS! Perhaps you can ask questions like "How would you feel if your wife did this?" and "How do you think it makes me feel when you tell me these stories?' This approach allows you to make a point without sounding judgmental. If your goal is to be effective and get him to think about what he is doing, then this is one way to do it. If your goal is to set him straight and speak your mind, then the the direct approach will get you there. If your goal is to ensure that his wife finds out, then you don't need my help to figure out what to do here. I would not go that route. 1
Author Kymora Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) I know I am late to this thread, but it is interesting and so I hope to contribute in a meaningful way. OP I think that you relationship with this guy is a little troublesome. But I think it is unfair to call it an emotional affair. In all fairness to the "ignored" poster, this is indeed how affairs start. Women have their ways of luring men in, and men have their ways. You can reject this all you want, but despite the way this guy seems to be boasting of disgusting affairs, there are women who respond to this. But there is nothing wrong with being a friend and having such conversations as long as your marriage is very strong and both spouses give each other the space to breathe in this way. In fact, I admire this sort of relationship and I think it is admirable. I have to disagree with those who say you should tell the wife of this cheater. Rule number one in life is that the messenger gets murdered. You know this is true. Never be a tattletale. I hate it that I have to say this, but alas it is how things are. You are right to address this to him. In recent years I have tried to stop judging in my personal relationships. I get all my ya ya's out there on LS! Perhaps you can ask questions like "How would you feel if your wife did this?" and "How do you think it makes me feel when you tell me these stories?' This approach allows you to make a point without sounding judgmental. If your goal is to be effective and get him to think about what he is doing, then this is one way to do it. If your goal is to set him straight and speak your mind, then the the direct approach will get you there. If your goal is to ensure that his wife finds out, then you don't need my help to figure out what to do here. I would not go that route. Thank you for your input, judgmental is something it didn't want to be....just know the situation has been handled with my husband helping me on what to say to him...I am truly blessed to have such a supportive and understanding husband... Edited September 13, 2012 by Kymora
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