I am in DENIAL!

[ace5950]

And who knows... you just may be stronger than you think and you'll move on faster than you even thought possible.

 

I got out of an almost three year relationship where I thought I'd marry him. Have kids. Have a home together. The whole 9 yards. This kid was literally my world. I would have done everything and anything for him... and I did. I did anything to see him smile. I sacrificed my own values, and bent myself in half just to make him happy, and it never bothered me. I did it and enjoyed doing it because I loved him. We had really great times, I thought he was perfect.

 

Almost two years together I found out the truth. Cheated on me. Lied to my face so many times. Everything I thought we had had for those two years became nothing more than a lie to me. I thought my world was over.

 

I was living on Ambien because I couldn't sleep. Even then it only knocked me out for about 2-3 hours at a time. I was a walking zombie. I looked like hell. I lost about 10 pounds. I couldn't eat, PERIOD. I would want to vomit. I started having panic attacks and taking anti-anxiety medications.

 

So if you think I've never had it rough--- I had it horrible... but it's literally just 4 months later. 4 months since the end of our relationship and I couldn't be happier. I literally shocked the hell out of myself with how quick I moved on, and I absolutely have to credit it to the NC. I did a massive purge, threw out all his crap and from the DAY he dumped me, went into NC. I never looked back... and that's where I am now. It helps you TREMENDOUSLY.

 

this post gives me hope that I will be able to recover from my break up. its actually.inspired me to go home tonight and pack up all his **** in a box to drop off when he's at work..this is a big step for me... I'm still not NC after 5 months even thought know it needs to be done.

[TaraMaiden]

Yup. Because until you do, you're not 'broken up' yet....

[KatZee]

this post gives me hope that I will be able to recover from my break up. its actually.inspired me to go home tonight and pack up all his **** in a box to drop off when he's at work..this is a big step for me... I'm still not NC after 5 months even thought know it needs to be done.

 

Just think of it this way... you could have been MOVED ON by this point. 5 months later and you're still at square one when you could be out, having a great time, dating, having a blast being single, LOVING being single... instead... you're here.

 

Use that as your motivation and strength to do what you need to do.

[head/heels]

Younglove,

 

I was the guy in your situation until about 2months ago, except I have a heart and tried to make it work over 7yrs. I loved everything about her, still do, but she was not the one that made my heart skip a beat no matter how hard I tried and how much I prayed. She was fully aware, much like you are but we both fit so well together that we kept on hoping beyond hope. Bad mistake for both of us as we just prolonged and intensified the pain when it was time. I broke it off and not a day goes by that I dont miss the $%!# out of that woman. But I know that I did the right thing (finally) and now I have to learn from it.

.

I gave both of us a gift that day when I broke up with her (just as you did for yourself and him too). A gift that allows each of us a chance to find the love that we both long for. She loved me like no one ever loved me and maybe never will, but I was unable to reciprocate and it wasnt fair to either of us.

.

We were on/off again over the relationship and the first 2 years were just like what you are doing now in being "single" so as to allow us to date other people. We broke up 2times over the past 6mo only for me to run back in and beg for another chance. She gave in both times. I broke her heart a 3rd and final time and have not spoken to her in 2mo. We did text for the first time last week and she is over me and moving on. I am actually happy for her as she deserves all the happiness in the world and I actually want her to find a great man that loves her like she needs/wants to be loved and they have all the babies she ever wanted. I truly love her but was not in love with her. So, ya, my life is hard because I respect, love and so wanted to live the rest of my life with her but I couldnt do it. I was more afraid of a loveless marriage or cheating on her (which I have never cheated but can see how easy it is if you are not happy in a relationship) than losing her forever. I knew it was the right thing to do for each of us. But it doesnt make it hurt any less. I had my first 24hrs that I know that I did not cry yesterday (although I have to admit at 1220AM I did so it kinda doesnt count). It will get better.

.

But here is what I want you to do for yourself. My ex, via the texting last week, said she considers the relationship over (which I expected but not with so much determination in her text words!) and this book helped her to see the light....(damn book!) Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. I have listed link below to amazon and I suggest you buy it, overnight it so you have something to read at your aunts this weekend. It gave my ex, who was in your situation-longing, hoping, pleading, bargaining and trying to love me into loving her right up until the end (ugh, she is a great woman and I cant say a single bad thing about her), the strength she needed to stand firm that we cannot keep trying this over and over and expecting different results. It hurts but it is what is right and I hope one day that I can be friends with her and her new family. BUY THIS BOOK! (note, i have not read it or it would break my heart and I am trying to work on overcoming the guilt I feel for not ending it sooner and giving her back the precious time to find her "one".)

 

Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them: Natalie Lue NML: 9781450540391: Amazon.com: Books

[KatZee]

Head/Heels thank you for that link. I actually just placed the order on Amazon myself. Not because I'm still hung up on the ex, but I read the blurb, and that was so us. "Together for a gazillion years but never going anywhere." I hung around anyway... hoping... making excuses... it wasn't the right time... he had no money... focused on work... I'd really love to see what the book has to say, because now I know... He was Mr. Unavailable, and I was the fallback girl. He made the comments, how he saw everything with me. A future. Marriage. But there were never plans... so now I can see he was probably future faking just to keep me around. As he was breaking up with me he said, "It's selfish for me to stay with you." Of course. Because I gave him everything and he gave me nothing. He never would be able to give me anything. Mr. Unavailable.

[weallfalldown]

that record's still playing then..... hehe

[youngnlove89]

Younglove,

 

I was the guy in your situation until about 2months ago, except I have a heart and tried to make it work over 7yrs. I loved everything about her, still do, but she was not the one that made my heart skip a beat no matter how hard I tried and how much I prayed. She was fully aware, much like you are but we both fit so well together that we kept on hoping beyond hope. Bad mistake for both of us as we just prolonged and intensified the pain when it was time. I broke it off and not a day goes by that I dont miss the $%!# out of that woman. But I know that I did the right thing (finally) and now I have to learn from it.

.

I gave both of us a gift that day when I broke up with her (just as you did for yourself and him too). A gift that allows each of us a chance to find the love that we both long for. She loved me like no one ever loved me and maybe never will, but I was unable to reciprocate and it wasnt fair to either of us.

.

We were on/off again over the relationship and the first 2 years were just like what you are doing now in being "single" so as to allow us to date other people. We broke up 2times over the past 6mo only for me to run back in and beg for another chance. She gave in both times. I broke her heart a 3rd and final time and have not spoken to her in 2mo. We did text for the first time last week and she is over me and moving on. I am actually happy for her as she deserves all the happiness in the world and I actually want her to find a great man that loves her like she needs/wants to be loved and they have all the babies she ever wanted. I truly love her but was not in love with her. So, ya, my life is hard because I respect, love and so wanted to live the rest of my life with her but I couldnt do it. I was more afraid of a loveless marriage or cheating on her (which I have never cheated but can see how easy it is if you are not happy in a relationship) than losing her forever. I knew it was the right thing to do for each of us. But it doesnt make it hurt any less. I had my first 24hrs that I know that I did not cry yesterday (although I have to admit at 1220AM I did so it kinda doesnt count). It will get better.

.

But here is what I want you to do for yourself. My ex, via the texting last week, said she considers the relationship over (which I expected but not with so much determination in her text words!) and this book helped her to see the light....(damn book!) Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. I have listed link below to amazon and I suggest you buy it, overnight it so you have something to read at your aunts this weekend. It gave my ex, who was in your situation-longing, hoping, pleading, bargaining and trying to love me into loving her right up until the end (ugh, she is a great woman and I cant say a single bad thing about her), the strength she needed to stand firm that we cannot keep trying this over and over and expecting different results. It hurts but it is what is right and I hope one day that I can be friends with her and her new family. BUY THIS BOOK! (note, i have not read it or it would break my heart and I am trying to work on overcoming the guilt I feel for not ending it sooner and giving her back the precious time to find her "one".)

 

Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them: Natalie Lue NML: 9781450540391: Amazon.com: Books

 

 

In a way this makes me very sad. I don't understand how you would want to be with someone but not. How you love someone but you really don't. It doesn't make sense to me. And how you miss them so much that you hurt everyday but yet they aren't the one. It hurts to hear this. It hurts to realize that my ex will never change no matter how much he misses me or loves me. That does not make sense. I've had ex-bfs who broke up with me and did not love me, text me, call me ever again. They didn't miss me. They moved on.

 

And here you are. You aren't moved on. You love her. You miss her, yet she isn't the one for you! How do you live with that?

 

And I already read her whole entire blog! It's good and it made me think about things differently.

[ace5950]

Just think of it this way... you could have been MOVED ON by this point. 5 months later and you're still at square one when you could be out, having a great time, dating, having a blast being single, LOVING being single... instead... you're here.

 

Use that as your motivation and strength to do what you need to do.

 

I know, I know. just hard to move on after being with him for about 12 years. dating and being single scares the Hell out of me!

[youngnlove89]

And who knows... you just may be stronger than you think and you'll move on faster than you even thought possible.

 

I got out of an almost three year relationship where I thought I'd marry him. Have kids. Have a home together. The whole 9 yards. This kid was literally my world. I would have done everything and anything for him... and I did. I did anything to see him smile. I sacrificed my own values, and bent myself in half just to make him happy, and it never bothered me. I did it and enjoyed doing it because I loved him. We had really great times, I thought he was perfect.

 

Almost two years together I found out the truth. Cheated on me. Lied to my face so many times. Everything I thought we had had for those two years became nothing more than a lie to me. I thought my world was over.

 

I was living on Ambien because I couldn't sleep. Even then it only knocked me out for about 2-3 hours at a time. I was a walking zombie. I looked like hell. I lost about 10 pounds. I couldn't eat, PERIOD. I would want to vomit. I started having panic attacks and taking anti-anxiety medications.

 

So if you think I've never had it rough--- I had it horrible... but it's literally just 4 months later. 4 months since the end of our relationship and I couldn't be happier. I literally shocked the hell out of myself with how quick I moved on, and I absolutely have to credit it to the NC. I did a massive purge, threw out all his crap and from the DAY he dumped me, went into NC. I never looked back... and that's where I am now. It helps you TREMENDOUSLY.

 

 

I've been there with an ex, my first love. We lived together, he gave me a ring and he was my first true love. I never have felt love so powerful before. Then he cheated on me. With 3 other girls. One girl he ended up marrying (she was married when he cheated on me with her, had 3 kids, and was twice his age). Another girl he cheated on me with was his 4 year relationship that he was still in!! He saw her on the weekends, lived with me during the week and then saw his 40 yr old gf during the day at his work. Talk about a player!

 

I have never hit rock bottom like that before. I was in a very dark place and it took my 2 years to get over him. I was also going through the divorce of my parents (my dad cheated) and my grandma passing away. I almost killed myself one day.

 

If anything that is my light at the end of the tunnel. If I can get over something that messed me up that badly then I can get over this guy I'm with now.

 

I will never go throw that kind of heartbreak again, I won't let myself. I won't waste my precious life crying and being miserable over someone who can't respect me or treat me right!

[weallfalldown]

I've been there with an ex, my first love. We lived together, he gave me a ring and he was my first true love. I never have felt love so powerful before. Then he cheated on me. With 3 other girls. One girl he ended up marrying (she was married when he cheated on me with her, had 3 kids, and was twice his age). Another girl he cheated on me with was his 4 year relationship that he was still in!! He saw her on the weekends, lived with me during the week and then saw his 40 yr old gf during the day at his work. Talk about a player!

 

I have never hit rock bottom like that before. I was in a very dark place and it took my 2 years to get over him. I was also going through the divorce of my parents (my dad cheated) and my grandma passing away. I almost killed myself one day.

 

If anything that is my light at the end of the tunnel. If I can get over something that messed me up that badly then I can get over this guy I'm with now.

 

I will never go throw that kind of heartbreak again, I won't let myself. I won't waste my precious life crying and being miserable over someone who can't respect me or treat me right!

 

you will..............

[youngnlove89]

you will..............

 

No, no I won't. If I ever get cheated on again, I will leave the minute I find out and it will be over for me. I turned off that emotional switch along time ago. Even with this heartbreak, I don't cry like I did with that one. I don't hurt that way anymore, I can't. There is a line I won't cross again. That was too painful for me and now I've built tolerance to that pain. I handle breakups differently than I used to.

 

I used to be very immature, almost psycho and way too needy.

 

I'm still learning though. But I am becoming more mature because of it.

[KatZee]

No, no I won't. If I ever get cheated on again, I will leave the minute I find out and it will be over for me. I turned off that emotional switch along time ago. Even with this heartbreak, I don't cry like I did with that one. I don't hurt that way anymore, I can't. There is a line I won't cross again. That was too painful for me and now I've built tolerance to that pain. I handle breakups differently than I used to.

 

I used to be very immature, almost psycho and way too needy.

 

I'm still learning though. But I am becoming more mature because of it.

 

 

Likewise. I know the way I acted with my first love when we broke up (spent SIX YEARS WALLOWING OVER HIM!!!)

 

And the way I've handled my most recent ex (3 years together, over it in 4 months)

 

Are completely different. My first love, I feel like that was more infatuation, and my most recent ex, I loved him. Oh boy did I love him beyond any shadow of a doubt... and how I have grown, and how I've handled this split, as opposed to the first?

 

I will never go through a heart break like my first again, and I know that because I've survived this last guy, I can survive anything, and any relationship that comes my way.

 

If you love yourself, if you value yourself... honestly, breakups aren't all THAT hard. Sure they suck. It's painful... but those in the most pain are the ones who really lack the confidence, and the security, and who have no self esteem... those who are full of all of the above... are able to move on much much faster, and able to deal with it much much easier.

[youngnlove89]

Likewise. I know the way I acted with my first love when we broke up (spent SIX YEARS WALLOWING OVER HIM!!!)

 

And the way I've handled my most recent ex (3 years together, over it in 4 months)

 

Are completely different. My first love, I feel like that was more infatuation, and my most recent ex, I loved him. Oh boy did I love him beyond any shadow of a doubt... and how I have grown, and how I've handled this split, as opposed to the first?

 

I will never go through a heart break like my first again, and I know that because I've survived this last guy, I can survive anything, and any relationship that comes my way.

 

If you love yourself, if you value yourself... honestly, breakups aren't all THAT hard. Sure they suck. It's painful... but those in the most pain are the ones who really lack the confidence, and the security, and who have no self esteem... those who are full of all of the above... are able to move on much much faster, and able to deal with it much much easier.

 

I like that last part. Very true. Maybe that is why this breakup is easier than my first because I have grown and become more confident. I mean, I'm still working on confidence and security part but I know what I want and I know he isn't giving it to me. Maybe the next relationship will be even better because I have grown and learned from this one. I know there might be more heartbreaks, I'm only 23 so hopefully they get easier and easier.

 

But I think I can handle this one. It will still hurt and it will be hard at times but I was happy before him, I can be happy after him.