I am in DENIAL!

[youngnlove89]

Three little words:

 

Change.

The.

Locks.

 

And be out this weekend, and either leave your 'phone at home, or block his number. Come on if you're going to do this, do this the best way for yourself to move forward.

And sadly, Blocking - every single which way ever possible - is the only way you can deny him access, mentally, physically or key-ally....

 

 

Luckily my new phone can automatically block someone in one press of a button, so I will get on that.

 

He said he is changing his phone number. And I told him not to give me his new number. He said "what if you want to talk to me one day?" and I said, "then, oh well." and he said, "you can ask my friends for it, they will give it to you" UGH makes me mad that he just can't accept that I want to move on. He said he would text me with his new number. Is this a game to him? I almost find it cruel that he is blocking my intentions to move on.

 

Blocking him is the hardest part of moving on but I suppose it will cure temptation for me. I know he won't break into my apartment, I can't stop him from showing up though. This weekend I plan on staying with my aunt whom is far away from him!

[youngnlove89]

He knows you are not serious because you have been predictable. He knows that he has complete control of you and that you are not capable of leaving him. You've shown him that so he can't and will not take you seriously. This is where you haveto prove to yourself that you will stop the cycle and move forward. That's the only way.

 

He won't let you go because men never like to let go of their options. He can have hsi cake and eat it too. He does not have to invest or put any effort into you while he receives 100% of attention and care from you. Isn't that just wonderful? Who would want to let go of that?

 

You let him know you are serious by disapppearing. You NC and you break the cycle and the pattern. You teach him that you mean what you say by silence.

 

My exs never let me be. They always came back. Don't assume that you have it bad when most of us have gone through the patterns. They always come back. It's up to you to decide what you want to do with that contact.

 

Why do they come back if they are so sure that we aren't the one's for them? He told me he loves me last night. He gets jealous that I'm talking to other guys. He gets very upset of any chance of me moving on. It's like I'm in his control. He doesn't want me to move on. It's like he is a dog who p*sses on a tree (me, being the tree) and now I'm his marked territory.

 

Yes, I do want to move on. Because even when I am with him, I am not happy. Either way, I'm not happy. But I know that I will be happy again one day when I meet someone that feels the same way about me!

 

How do you handle the situation when your ex's come back? Don't you miss them?

[TaraMaiden]

Do change the locks though. Seriously.

 

And just go complete No Contact.

(I don't need to mention the link in my Sig., right? )

 

The only thing you will miss seeing is the amazed bewilderment on his face as the penny begins to drop, and he realises, "Oh My God, she really means it! Well I'll be.....!" and the clang as his jaw hits the floor....

[youngnlove89]

If you truly want to stay away from him there are many ways.

 

Change your locks, block his number, and in a worst case scenario get an order of protection.

 

And whatever you do, don't have sex if you aren't willing to let him go.

 

No sex. No calls. No texting. No emails. I can do this.

 

I just have to get over the hard part first.

 

The heart is a muscle and what does a muscle do when it tears? It grows back stronger.

[Tree_Salmon]

Why do they come back if they are so sure that we aren't the one's for them? He told me he loves me last night. He gets jealous that I'm talking to other guys. He gets very upset of any chance of me moving on. It's like I'm in his control. He doesn't want me to move on. It's like he is a dog who p*sses on a tree (me, being the tree) and now I'm his marked territory.

 

Yes, I do want to move on. Because even when I am with him, I am not happy. Either way, I'm not happy. But I know that I will be happy again one day when I meet someone that feels the same way about me!

 

How do you handle the situation when your ex's come back? Don't you miss them?

 

Of course we miss them. But I can see the future and it doesn't look good so I practice control on my emotions.

 

Logic goes a long way.

[youngnlove89]

Do change the locks though. Seriously.

 

And just go complete No Contact.

(I don't need to mention the link in my Sig., right? )

 

The only thing you will miss seeing is the amazed bewilderment on his face as the penny begins to drop, and he realises, "Oh My God, she really means it! Well I'll be.....!" and the clang as his jaw hits the floor....

 

 

Tara, have you ever thought about writing a self-help book? If not, you should!

 

I can't wait for that jaw-dropping moment either! I have a feeling this will happen to me again: Ex leaves me because he thinks I'm not the one, I move on and then later down the road he has the realization that I was the one and then I get to have the pleasure to deny him like he denied me, because in that process I will have realized He Wasn't The One.

[Tree_Salmon]

Tara, have you ever thought about writing a self-help book? If not, you should!

 

I can't wait for that jaw-dropping moment either! I have a feeling this will happen to me again: Ex leaves me because he thinks I'm not the one, I move on and then later down the road he has the realization that I was the one and then I get to have the pleasure to deny him like he denied me, because in that process I will have realized He Wasn't The One.

 

Forget about revenge. Just be happy. This isn't about proving a point to your ex, its about being happy.

[TaraMaiden]

Tara, have you ever thought about writing a self-help book? If not, you should!

 

I can't wait for that jaw-dropping moment either! I have a feeling this will happen to me again: Ex leaves me because he thinks I'm not the one, I move on and then later down the road he has the realization that I was the one and then I get to have the pleasure to deny him like he denied me, because in that process I will have realized He Wasn't The One.

 

Oh you're so sweet!

And there's me beating you around the head with my battle-axe attitude....

 

you go girl.

Remember, when you feel yourself weakening, we are here to help you be strong.

[KatZee]

I know he doesn't think I'm serious about leaving him. He told me he wasn't. He knows that everytime I come back.

 

That's right. Because you've never proven yourself otherwise, so he just plays on your emotions. Which is really quite selfish and manipulative. If he cared about you AT ALL he would respect your decision to move on. He wouldn't continue to weasel his way into your bed, and tug on your heart. You can tell by this action ALONE that this guy does not love YOU. He loves your body. He loves what you give up for him. He loves your company. He loves what he can TAKE from you.

 

He is already planning on seeing me next weekend. And he took my favorite pants with him (they used to be his) without me knowing last weekend and he said, "Did you see that I took your pants? I'll return them to you this weekend" and I said, "No, just keep them." and he said, "No, I will see you again."

 

Your response? They WERE my favorite pants. And no, you will not see me again. Please respect my decision to move on.

 

He just doesn't want to let me go. He is happy because he has everything he wants. I am not happy.

 

He won't let you go. He's selfish. He wants what he wants, and he knows you're too weak to stay away. So every weekend he gets more free sex. Without committing to you, without inviting you out on trips with the group of friends. Free booty calls is the good life for a guy like this. There's no way he'd give that up, especially if he has no one else on the side. And quite frankly, it doesn't matter that he won't let you go... that's completely irrelevant. Change comes from YOU. You can't sit around waiting for him to pull the plug. You're too easy, he's not going to.

 

 

How do I let him know I'm serious? By ignoring him? He has keys to my apt which I asked for them back and he said he didn't have them with him. so I said throw them away and he said he wouldn't do that.

 

Of course he's not going to throw away your keys. Tell him to keep them as a souvenir. Go get your locks changed.

 

I know he is going to try to get me back which makes this more difficult for me. The lot of you are lucky that your ex's just ignore you. I wish mine did.

 

We're aren't "lucky" that our exes ignore us. They ignore us because WE'VE MADE THAT DECISION FOR OURSELVES. These exes are the ones who are blocked on every single avenue. Facebook/Twitter/e-mail/Instagram and whatever other online source there is. These exes have been blocked from sending texts or calling us. These exes have been shown beyond a reasonable doubt that WE WILL NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM FOR ONE SECOND FURTHER. And we take the steps to ensure that there IS NO CONTACT.

 

You have done NONE of this. Except moan that blocking him is "so final." So I can't even take this last statement too seriously. You're doing it to yourself. You're allowing him into your life. He contacts, YOU ANSWER. You refuse to block him. You refuse to do ANYTHING to help yourself! If you're so sick of this, WHY do you refuse to take the steps to make the change?

 

Does this look familiar?

 

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.”

 

You can't make this guy love you the way you want him to. Hanging out with him time and time again, sleeping with him time and time again, isn't going to make him miraculously wake up and realize you're "the one." He dated you for a year and a half--- he knows who you are and what you're about. There's nothing you can do to change his way of thinking. You cannot control this!

[geegirl]

They come back for many reasons. Ego-boost. Attention. Curiosity. Boredom. Sex. No prospects.

 

Their reasons are not because they want anything legitimate or of substance, because if they did, you wouldn't have to be going through this emotional roller-coaster.

 

He doesn't want you to move on because you are a benefit to him. He loves you, but are his actions showing you love? He gets jealous because of the potential of losing you as a benefit. He has to tell you the right words in order for you to stay attached. Don't listen to words. Watch his actions.

 

When an ex comes back, you have to step back and ask yourself what is the motive for contact. You have to ask yourself whether it is healthy for you. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to risk your self-respect and dignity to open the door to what you know was and will be detrimental to you. You have to ask yourself if the priority is your healing or entertaining what could possibly be a huge risk to you. Step back, analyse.

 

We have a tendency of drifting into lalaland when an ex contacts, magnifying it into something that isn't especially when we're craving an outcome from them. Think, and don't react on your feelings. Most times, they're back wanting to pee on the object that they haven't had control of for awhile.

 

And yes, of course I missed them but missing them wasn't enough of a reason to throw myself back into the fire.

Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl

[youngnlove89]

That's right. Because you've never proven yourself otherwise, so he just plays on your emotions. Which is really quite selfish and manipulative. If he cared about you AT ALL he would respect your decision to move on. He wouldn't continue to weasel his way into your bed, and tug on your heart. You can tell by this action ALONE that this guy does not love YOU. He loves your body. He loves what you give up for him. He loves your company. He loves what he can TAKE from you.

 

 

 

Your response? They WERE my favorite pants. And no, you will not see me again. Please respect my decision to move on.

 

 

 

He won't let you go. He's selfish. He wants what he wants, and he knows you're too weak to stay away. So every weekend he gets more free sex. Without committing to you, without inviting you out on trips with the group of friends. Free booty calls is the good life for a guy like this. There's no way he'd give that up, especially if he has no one else on the side. And quite frankly, it doesn't matter that he won't let you go... that's completely irrelevant. Change comes from YOU. You can't sit around waiting for him to pull the plug. You're too easy, he's not going to.

 

 

 

 

Of course he's not going to throw away your keys. Tell him to keep them as a souvenir. Go get your locks changed.

 

 

 

We're aren't "lucky" that our exes ignore us. They ignore us because WE'VE MADE THAT DECISION FOR OURSELVES. These exes are the ones who are blocked on every single avenue. Facebook/Twitter/e-mail/Instagram and whatever other online source there is. These exes have been blocked from sending texts or calling us. These exes have been shown beyond a reasonable doubt that WE WILL NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM FOR ONE SECOND FURTHER. And we take the steps to ensure that there IS NO CONTACT.

 

You have done NONE of this. Except moan that blocking him is "so final." So I can't even take this last statement too seriously. You're doing it to yourself. You're allowing him into your life. He contacts, YOU ANSWER. You refuse to block him. You refuse to do ANYTHING to help yourself! If you're so sick of this, WHY do you refuse to take the steps to make the change?

 

Does this look familiar?

 

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.”

 

You can't make this guy love you the way you want him to. Hanging out with him time and time again, sleeping with him time and time again, isn't going to make him miraculously wake up and realize you're "the one." He dated you for a year and a half--- he knows who you are and what you're about. There's nothing you can do to change his way of thinking. You cannot control this!

 

 

And that is the hardest part. I think the reason it's hard to block him (I'm being completely honest here) is because I want him to want me back. I want to see that he wants me back. I want him to miss me like I miss him. Is that shameful?

 

It's sweet rivarly. It's knowing that I am missable. That he made the mistake and he has to live with it.

 

He has hurt me. And now I am revengeful. It's instinct for me. Albeit, I will not play those games. I am better than that. But to ignore him and know that I am ignoring him when he calls/texts/emails, that will be the closure I need! That will feel good (and powerful) to know that I am strong enough to ignore him!

 

I just am waiting for that day when the sun comes out to shine and I can see that after all this pain, he wasn't the one for ME.

[TaraMaiden]

Correction:

 

He ISN'T the one for you.

You already know that.

he's made it plain.

You're not his Miss Right.

You're his miss Right Now...

 

And while you're so willing to serve yourself up on a palte, why the heck should he worry what you are?

You're available.

That's all he knows, wants and expects.

with just enough sugar-coating, cherry-topped-sprinklin' marshmallows to keep you sweet....

[geegirl]

And that is the hardest part. I think the reason it's hard to block him (I'm being completely honest here) is because I want him to want me back. I want to see that he wants me back. I want him to miss me like I miss him. Is that shameful?

 

The best way for someone to value you is to disappear. They can't feel that loss if you're right there catering to their needs.

 

So, step away. If it gives him a quick, swift kick in the butt and he realizes that he can't afford that loss, he will come back to you. And if he doesn't, you'll be far long into your healing to even worry about it.

 

What you feel is not shameful. It's normal but you really cannot squeeze blood from stone. The alternative is to accept that his actions now are not showing you that you mean enough to him to want you.

[youngnlove89]

They come back for many reasons. Ego-boost. Attention. Curiosity. Boredom. Sex. No prospects.

 

Their reasons are not because they want anything legitimate or of substance, because if they did, you wouldn't have to be going through this emotional roller-coaster.

 

He doesn't want you to move on because you are a benefit to him. He loves you, but are his actions showing you love? He gets jealous because of the potential of losing you as a benefit. He has to tell you the right words in order for you to stay attached. Don't listen to words. Watch his actions.

 

When an ex comes back, you have to step back and ask yourself what is the motive for contact. You have to ask yourself whether it is healthy for you. You have to ask yourself if you are willing to risk your self-respect and dignity to open the door to what you know was and will be detrimental to you. You have to ask yourself if the priority is your healing or entertaining what could possibly be a huge risk to you. Step back, analyse.

 

We have a tendency of drifting into lalaland when an ex contacts, magnifying it into something that isn't especially when we're craving an outcome from them. Think, and don't react on your feelings. Most times, they're back wanting to pee on the object that they haven't had control of for awhile.

 

And yes, of course I missed them but missing them wasn't enough of a reason to throw myself back into the fire.

 

 

You are so very brave. I appreciate your reply. That puts things into prospective that I didn't see before.

 

Just because I miss him or he misses me, doesn't mean that we aren't meant to be.

 

Ugh, this is so hard. I can't wait to go home tonight and just cry. I need to get it out, pretending I'm okay right now is so hard.

[geegirl]

You are so very brave. I appreciate your reply. That puts things into prospective that I didn't see before.

 

Just because I miss him or he misses me, doesn't mean that we aren't meant to be.

 

Ugh, this is so hard. I can't wait to go home tonight and just cry. I need to get it out, pretending I'm okay right now is so hard.

 

Yes, cry, Young. Purge it all out. I felt much relief after draining myself with tears. It's therapeutic. Sometimes it's hard to fake but when you feel the need to let it out, do it. Don't keep it in. Festering will only make it worse.

 

We've all gone through this. Come here and lean on LS when you need it. If he ever makes contact, promise yourself you will come here and ask for help rather than stick your finger in the fire.

[youngnlove89]

Correction:

 

He ISN'T the one for you.

You already know that.

he's made it plain.

You're not his Miss Right.

You're his miss Right Now...

 

And while you're so willing to serve yourself up on a palte, why the heck should he worry what you are?

You're available.

That's all he knows, wants and expects.

with just enough sugar-coating, cherry-topped-sprinklin' marshmallows to keep you sweet....

 

Thanks. All this time he says I'm not the one for him but yet you are right...he ISN'T the one for me because he doesn't love me like I love him. He doesn't invite me on trips with his friends. He doesn't buy me anything for holidays. He controls me. He uses me. His actions speak louder. He doesn't appreciate me. Why would I want him? What does he offer me? If anything, he is going to miss me in the long run because I gave him what he wanted. While he gave me nothing.

 

Jeez, thanks...now I'm craving a sundae ;p

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah.... me too!! With crushed nuts!

 

 

 

And that's another thing.....!!

[Tree_Salmon]

You are so very brave. I appreciate your reply. That puts things into prospective that I didn't see before.

 

Just because I miss him or he misses me, doesn't mean that we aren't meant to be.

 

Ugh, this is so hard. I can't wait to go home tonight and just cry. I need to get it out, pretending I'm okay right now is so hard.

 

You're not alone.

 

It gets much lonelier and harder in the future. prepare yourself.

[youngnlove89]

You're not alone.

 

It gets much lonelier and harder in the future. prepare yourself.

 

don't tell me that!

[Tree_Salmon]

don't tell me that!

 

Ultimately you end up happy again.

[youngnlove89]

Ultimately you end up happy again.

 

ah, there ya go. That's better!

 

I usually don't like spoilers, but I'll take that one!

[Tree_Salmon]

ah, there ya go. That's better!

 

I usually don't like spoilers, but I'll take that one!

 

Oh, you'll take it alright. You'll take all of it

[KatZee]

 

I just am waiting for that day when the sun comes out to shine and I can see that after all this pain, he wasn't the one for ME.

 

This day WILL come. But it will ONLY and I mean ONLY come once you are in NC and you're able to look at the relationship from an objective standpoint. Not an emotional one. Until you break free you're going to be looking at the relationship through those rose colored glasses of love and lust and infatuation. It's only once you start to reflect, and see the relationship for what it TRULY is, will you realize he's not the one for you.

[geegirl]

This day WILL come. But it will ONLY and I mean ONLY come once you are in NC and you're able to look at the relationship from an objective standpoint. Not an emotional one. Until you break free you're going to be looking at the relationship through those rose colored glasses of love and lust and infatuation. It's only once you start to reflect, and see the relationship for what it TRULY is, will you realize he's not the one for you.

 

Katzee is right.

 

When I ended with my ex, I was all over the place. His kiss, the sex, his laugh, his smell, his skin, his toenails, etc. Once those rose colored glasses came off, I wanted to bark everytime I thought of him or when he would reach out. Blech. No thanks!

 

You'll get there Young. But you have to NC. That is the only way. NC will bring you temporary pain. Being involved with this ding dong will keep you in pain indefinitely.

[KatZee]

And who knows... you just may be stronger than you think and you'll move on faster than you even thought possible.

 

I got out of an almost three year relationship where I thought I'd marry him. Have kids. Have a home together. The whole 9 yards. This kid was literally my world. I would have done everything and anything for him... and I did. I did anything to see him smile. I sacrificed my own values, and bent myself in half just to make him happy, and it never bothered me. I did it and enjoyed doing it because I loved him. We had really great times, I thought he was perfect.

 

Almost two years together I found out the truth. Cheated on me. Lied to my face so many times. Everything I thought we had had for those two years became nothing more than a lie to me. I thought my world was over.

 

I was living on Ambien because I couldn't sleep. Even then it only knocked me out for about 2-3 hours at a time. I was a walking zombie. I looked like hell. I lost about 10 pounds. I couldn't eat, PERIOD. I would want to vomit. I started having panic attacks and taking anti-anxiety medications.

 

So if you think I've never had it rough--- I had it horrible... but it's literally just 4 months later. 4 months since the end of our relationship and I couldn't be happier. I literally shocked the hell out of myself with how quick I moved on, and I absolutely have to credit it to the NC. I did a massive purge, threw out all his crap and from the DAY he dumped me, went into NC. I never looked back... and that's where I am now. It helps you TREMENDOUSLY.