I am in DENIAL!

[youngnlove89]

I am so in denial. I keep thinking this relationship is going to work out. I keep thinking he is going to come back. I keep thinking that he loves me, that he really cares about me.

 

He works a grave yard shift Monday night through Friday Night. He has a very stressful job. And his days off are Saturday night and Sunday night. Normally we hang out Saturday and Sunday all weekend because our schedules are so opposite that we don't get to see each other during the week..Tonight is Saturday night and he told me he wants a "me" day for himself. He called me around 1 o'clock and we talked a little bit and he said how he was going to hang out with one of his buddy's at the bar for a little bit. I got a little upset (but I didn't show it). He says he needs a personal day but, instead of hanging out with me, he hangs out with someone else. I told him my mom was calling on the other line and I had to go.

 

He texts me later and says "Did your mom really call? You seemed upset. I'm sorry I'm not hanging out with you today, I know you wanted to. But I'm only hanging out with X for a few hours and if I do that with you, you get upset like I don't want to see you"

 

He says that because sometimes I always expect him to stay over or me stay over his house and if he ends up leaving, I get sad because I want to stay with him. He hasn't done that a lot though, but he just wants to be by himself tonight.

 

I get it. Sometimes we need "me" time. I do too. But I never get to see him during the week and I get excited to see him during the weekend. I just figured the feelings would be mutual.

 

And they are not.

 

I have been in denial for so long. How do I get out of it? Please help me. I just want to stop loving him and move on. I'm tired of being hurt, and letting him hurt me.

 

The other day I hung out with a good looking male friend of mine and he got so jealous. He was very upset that I was hanging out with this other guy. He even said things like "does he want to f*ck you?" "Do you have a crush on him" etc.

 

And then I said, "what does it matter, I'm single"

 

And he said, "yup."

 

 

How do I let go?

[Calico]

You're not in denial in the moments when you're aware of the denial. That's good, hold onto those times when the cloudy sky breaks and there is a ray of clarity.

 

If you really want to move on and put this behind you, and if you're really ready to work on accepting that this relationship is over and that things won't go back to how they have been, then cutting off contact is probably the fastest and most reliable way, though certainly not an easy or pain-free one. (But there is no alternative that isn't painful.)

 

Basically, you need to sit down and decide for yourself what it is that you really want. Start there so that you have a goal. Going with your mind's suggestions is better than listening to your heart (really: fears), though like much in life this is like ebb and flow and the mind will not always be the stronger force. Those are the times when you'll need to at least remember that everything is temporary and that nothing lasts: that includes the pain and the fears and the despair.

 

Take it from there. Staring at the GPS won't help. You have to give it a destination.

[Tree_Salmon]

I am so in denial. I keep thinking this relationship is going to work out. I keep thinking he is going to come back. I keep thinking that he loves me, that he really cares about me.

 

He works a grave yard shift Monday night through Friday Night. He has a very stressful job. And his days off are Saturday night and Sunday night. Normally we hang out Saturday and Sunday all weekend because our schedules are so opposite that we don't get to see each other during the week..Tonight is Saturday night and he told me he wants a "me" day for himself. He called me around 1 o'clock and we talked a little bit and he said how he was going to hang out with one of his buddy's at the bar for a little bit. I got a little upset (but I didn't show it). He says he needs a personal day but, instead of hanging out with me, he hangs out with someone else. I told him my mom was calling on the other line and I had to go.

 

He texts me later and says "Did your mom really call? You seemed upset. I'm sorry I'm not hanging out with you today, I know you wanted to. But I'm only hanging out with X for a few hours and if I do that with you, you get upset like I don't want to see you"

 

He says that because sometimes I always expect him to stay over or me stay over his house and if he ends up leaving, I get sad because I want to stay with him. He hasn't done that a lot though, but he just wants to be by himself tonight.

 

I get it. Sometimes we need "me" time. I do too. But I never get to see him during the week and I get excited to see him during the weekend. I just figured the feelings would be mutual.

 

And they are not.

 

I have been in denial for so long. How do I get out of it? Please help me. I just want to stop loving him and move on. I'm tired of being hurt, and letting him hurt me.

 

The other day I hung out with a good looking male friend of mine and he got so jealous. He was very upset that I was hanging out with this other guy. He even said things like "does he want to f*ck you?" "Do you have a crush on him" etc.

 

And then I said, "what does it matter, I'm single"

 

And he said, "yup."

 

 

How do I let go?

 

Are you two still seeing eachother?

 

Why are you doing this to yourself?

You are going to fall so much harder when this fails again. You don't even know.

 

:/

[youngnlove89]

I see it more than anyone else. I see that he uses me. I see it everyday.

 

But it's like a drug. You know it's bad for you, but you are so comfortable with how it makes you feel. It's familiar. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of coming down from this addiction.

 

He wants to hangout tomorrow. I wish I had the courage and the bravery to tell him tomorrow that I am busy and I need "me" time. I WISH!! It was so easy for him to tell me that. You know how much that hurts me to hear that he doesn't want to hangout today and that he wants to sleep in his own bed?! That is basically what he is implying by not choosing to be with me right now. Why do I want him so bad?

 

But I'm afraid of that ache and that sadness that I will feel by letting go of him. But yet I feel it regardless. I am lonely. I feel that ache this very moment. The sadness never leaves. I want him but I want him to want me more. I'm starting to wonder if I enjoy the pain he brings me. I'm in a deep dark place with him.

 

There isn't any magic words anyone can say to make this easier. There aren't any magic pills to wipe out the pain.

 

What makes me happy? I'm not sure anymore.

 

I have given myself up. He gets everything he wants, he has his world in the palm of his hands and he is so happy. He can do whatever he wants, and I'll still be there! It's diabolical, it's genius! He could write a damn book about it! The next two weekends he is going camping with his friends and guess who isn't invited??? ME!

 

When will I learn?!!?!?!?!? How many years will I have to go through this with him? Why is something that is sooo bad for me so hard to let go of? Why? I don't understand!

[Calico]

When will I learn?!!?!?!?!? How many years will I have to go through this with him?

 

Until you make the deliberate decision to stop it. You can make that call now, in a month, in a year, in a decade, or never. You can also wait until he makes the call for you, which eventually he will.

[youngnlove89]

I never understood the concept of addiction. How people could long for cigarettes, or weed, or alcohol so badly that it hurt. Until I met him. Now I know how it feels to be 100% reliant on some kind of substance that will never satisfy me.

 

Usually when I am alone in the house during the evening, I have to turn on every single light, but I don't care tonight. So what if a hand comes out from under the bed and grabs me? That would be nothing.

 

They say that certain things are going to be terrible and that they are going to destroy you, but they don't. I'm sitting on the side of my bed. It is as if my soul has been frozen, and I wait for it to thaw, in order to get on with my life.

[Tree_Salmon]

I never understood the concept of addiction. How people could long for cigarettes, or weed, or alcohol so badly that it hurt. Until I met him. Now I know how it feels to be 100% reliant on some kind of substance that will never satisfy me.

 

Usually when I am alone in the house during the evening, I have to turn on every single light, but I don't care tonight. So what if a hand comes out from under the bed and grabs me? That would be nothing.

 

They say that certain things are going to be terrible and that they are going to destroy you, but they don't. I'm sitting on the side of my bed. It is as if my soul has been frozen, and I wait for it to thaw, in order to get on with my life.

 

This is the definition of insanity, you know.

You're doing the same thing expecting different results.

 

I've done this longer than you and as afraid as you are of the pain that you'll feel if you deny him, you are going to feel way more pain when you catch him with another girl or he dumps you.

 

You are now causing your own pain YL. You know I'm here to help but you aren't going to listen to me.

 

I hope you get yourself out of this.

[youngnlove89]

This is the definition of insanity, you know.

You're doing the same thing expecting different results.

 

I've done this longer than you and as afraid as you are of the pain that you'll feel if you deny him, you are going to feel way more pain when you catch him with another girl or he dumps you.

 

You are now causing your own pain YL. You know I'm here to help but you aren't going to listen to me.

 

I hope you get yourself out of this.

 

 

Insanity? Am I really? Lovely. Just what I aspired to be!

 

Trust me, I listen. I listen to everyone on here, that's why I feel this way right now.

 

If I didn't listen to you, I would be stuck in this happy world with him.

 

I know he is bad for me. I know.

[Tree_Salmon]

Insanity? Am I really? Lovely. Just what I aspired to be!

 

Trust me, I listen. I listen to everyone on here, that's why I feel this way right now.

 

If I didn't listen to you, I would be stuck in this happy world with him.

 

I know he is bad for me. I know.

 

Well, isn't it the unhappy world?

 

I mean if you were happy you wouldn't need this place. You're clearly not happy with him or the situation.

 

You have some major self reflecting to do. Get your head on straight.

 

What exactly do you hope to happen here with him?

[youngnlove89]

Well, isn't it the unhappy world?

 

I mean if you were happy you wouldn't need this place. You're clearly not happy with him or the situation.

 

You have some major self reflecting to do. Get your head on straight.

 

What exactly do you hope to happen here with him?

 

To be honest, I want to be loved by him the same why I love him.

 

That's all.

 

But now that I know he can't offer me that, I have to walk away.

 

And I never knew walking away would be so hard.

[Tree_Salmon]

To be honest, I want to be loved by him the same why I love him.

 

That's all.

 

But now that I know he can't offer me that, I have to walk away.

 

And I never knew walking away would be so hard.

 

You haven't done it yet so you haven't really felt the pain or the relief that comes with being away for a long time.

 

You've always known that you guys will get back together. You have a few choices here...

 

Stay unhappy like you are now and try to make it work

Drop the situation and go through allot of pain but heal.

Or just do nothing and stay miserable.

 

It's all in your hands.

[atarisboy86]

YL,

 

Hang in there. I'm in the same boat as you. I just messed up tonight but we can do this. I mean, how happy were we before we met these people that claim to "love" us and that we claim to "love" as well. We need to break free of these people that only use us for their own gain. These people only call us when they are lonely, or when the other person they are seeing/sleeping with/hanging out with isn't available. Do we really want to be a backup plan and a second choice? I know that I do not. I see a lot of similarities with our situations...I'm stubborn and keep thinking "well maybe this time it'll work out" and then what happens? Nothing! Even Pavlov's dog realized that shock therapy worked...we can't even figure out that something that hurts us should be avoided. Let's keep this and move forward. One day at a time. I hope that you don't get offended, but this prayer is something my brother gave to me, he is a member of Al Anon. I'm not religious but it has helped me feel better and more at peace. Good luck!

 

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

[lingardx]

Dear Op,

i know it's hard to listen to other peoples advice when it may not be what you want to hear but you seriously need to cut all ties with this guy.

 

if he's texting you, change your number.

if he's emailing you, change your email.

if he's facebooking you, block him

 

i hate to say it but he has you dangling on a string. that's the only way i can sum it up. he wants to see what's out there but incase that doesn't work out he's got you right there waiting for him.

 

go on holiday or take a weekend break out of where you live. get away for a while so he simply cannot contact you. you said yourself it was so easy for him to say "i'm busy i can't meet you" you need to find the inner strength to do so, i don't know how you guys are communicating but if he's texting you simply reply. i'm busy. don't give an explanation, he doesn't deserve it, don't apologise. he doesn't deserve that either. and turn off your phone. give it to another family member if you must.

 

back in 2010, i used to be "madly in love" with a guy, we moved in together and got engaged faster than you could blink. he suddenly broke up with me, no explanation or nothing. i was forced to move out that day. i'd text and phone him and send him letters asking for answers, still to this day that i never got. eventually i found out he had cheated on me, twice. and that's what hurt the most, not having answers. being ignored.

two years down the line, he's contacting me. i had an old emails address which he'd contact me on, and to be honest i liked the communication, i liked the fact i thought we'd grown up and be able to move past the relationship to being friends. wrong turns out he'd broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to see if i was still available!

he would stalk my twitter and send me messages saying "i know what you're doing ;)" "love the new picture" and i realised that's no life for me, seeing as i have moved on and have a boyfriend of 14 months. so i deleted the hotmail account, i changed my number and i set my twitter to private.

 

he's made various facebook accounts to email me but i never reply, in the end he'll block me on facebook.

 

don't really know why i felt the need to type that out but you really need to just stop talking to him. i know it's not as easy as that but it has to be done. and seven months after my breakup i fell in love, and 14 months on i am still in that relationship, i couldn't be happier.

 

 

when you finally let go of the past, there will be something much better that comes along

 

good luck x

[lingardx]

one of your threads i'm currently reading OP where you say 'It's going well, I suppose.

 

Last night I told him I miss him and I said he didn't have to say it back, that I was just saying how I felt.

 

He then said, "I like having you around, after I went home Monday from your house, it sucked coming home by myself."

 

We are friends as of now. Well, a little more I guess'

 

this is NOT friends. he is having his cake and eating it. i cannot believe you are still there waiting for him! love him or not, if i got this reply from an ex. i would a million percent honestly, run to the nearest phone shop change my number then i'd run to a travel agent and get the heck out of there.

 

i would never stand for someone who treated me like that. and you're just playing right into his hands. it seems you like being played. honestly you say you feel strong then you're right back down to being weak again and this is his doing. get out now or some years down the line you will regret not listening to us.

[ace5950]

I never understood the concept of addiction. How people could long for cigarettes, or weed, or alcohol so badly that it hurt. Until I met him. Now I know how it feels to be 100% reliant on some kind of substance that will never satisfy me.

 

Usually when I am alone in the house during the evening, I have to turn on every single light, but I don't care tonight. So what if a hand comes out from under the bed and grabs me? That would be nothing.

 

They say that certain things are going to be terrible and that they are going to destroy you, but they don't. I'm sitting on the side of my bed. It is as if my soul has been frozen, and I wait for it to thaw, in order to get on with my life.

 

I am in the same boat. if I read my relationship on paper I would think 'WTF is this girl think".... but its hard to let go. Have you read up on codependent relationships? My ex is toxic and I can't help myself sometimes.. even with a therapist telling me.he won't change and that he's been emotionally abusing to me for over a decade I still can't fully let go. I feel your pain!

[TaraMaiden]

Originally Posted by youngnlove89

Insanity? Am I really? Lovely. Just what I aspired to be!

 

Trust me, I listen. I listen to everyone on here, that's why I feel this way right now.

 

If I didn't listen to you, I would be stuck in this happy world with him.

 

I know he is bad for me. I know.

Harsh post:

"Listening" seems to be accomplished bugger-all, though, doesn't it?

 

Fer chrissakes, either do it, or quit moaning about it.

The more you moan, but do nothing to help yourself, the less, and less, and less others will be inclined to listen to you.

 

You keep complaining about your situation, but what you seem to fail to grasp is that nobody is going to do a damn thing about it, for you.

 

Knowing the problem, isn't the cure to the problem.

Curing the problem means work.

And sometimes it will be painful, tearful, agony, difficult, heart-breaking, gut wrenching and soul-destroying.

But it's at those times you become stronger. Get through those, and you'll make it.

 

But quit standing on one leg.

Put the other foot down, and start walking.

Edited September 10, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[geegirl]

I don't think anyone here can help you, until you decide to help yourself.

 

Tara is right that all the moaning in the world, is just moaning. Until you decide that you cannot do this anymore and want to do something about it, then you'll be giving yourself a fighting chance to at least take little steps to remove yourself from this man. You're not even doing that. You complain and the moment he says I want to see you, you forget it all and run to him. It's no wonder he has no respect for you, it's because he knows you have no respect for yourself.

 

Why is this so hard, why is that so hard? It's hard period. Detaching is painful. No way around it. The unknown is intimidating. It's life. Being alone is uncomfortable, but being with someone and still feeling alone is the worst you could ever settle for. We all have to go through the pain of losing someone. Whether you do it now, or two years from now, it's painful. The question is, when will you say enough?

 

You cut contact. You accept that things will never change. You feel the pain. It's temporary. The alternative is you keep doing what you are doing. You feel the pain. It's permanent.

 

It seems that you will have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

Never make someone a priority when they treat you like an option.

Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl

[youngnlove89]

I think people simply forgot how hard this is. Why else would there be a forum if it were easy to let go of someone you love? Yes, I have my weak moments more than I do my strong. But I'm on here for a reason, to TRY. That's worth something, isn't it? I appreciate all the advice! If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be willing to try to move on. I would have stayed. Anything that is worth it in the end, is going to be hard.

 

I feel sometimes that people minimize my pain as if it should mean nothing because he "doesn't treat me well" or "doesn't want me like I think he does" Like it should be so easy to move on. Guess what, it isn't! It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

It's always easier to give advice then to follow it. That is why we are all here. To pound advice into our clouded minds until eventually the storm clears and we can think clearly again.

 

As of last night, I told my ex it is time to go our seperate ways. I told him that he needs to respect my privacy as I am ready to move on. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when I said that to him. As he did also. I know that he loves me and cares for me, but just not in the same way I do. He clung onto every last minute with me and showed more affection than ever. But he still thinks that I'll come back.

 

Now I need to prove to myself and him that I am not coming back.

 

I will continue to ask for advice, I will have my weak moments, hopefully less than my strong. And I will continue to moan and groan about how much it hurts. But I am doing my best. I come on here because I need to hear the hard cold truth that you guys have all given to me. Although, it hurts, it's what I need to realize that it is time to let him go.

 

Thank you everyone for giving me the harsh reality and cold wake up call!

[Tree_Salmon]

I think people simply forgot how hard this is. Why else would there be a forum if it were easy to let go of someone you love? Yes, I have my weak moments more than I do my strong. But I'm on here for a reason, to TRY. That's worth something, isn't it? I appreciate all the advice! If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be willing to try to move on. I would have stayed. Anything that is worth it in the end, is going to be hard.

 

I feel sometimes that people minimize my pain as if it should mean nothing because he "doesn't treat me well" or "doesn't want me like I think he does" Like it should be so easy to move on. Guess what, it isn't! It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

It's always easier to give advice then to follow it. That is why we are all here. To pound advice into our clouded minds until eventually the storm clears and we can think clearly again.

 

As of last night, I told my ex it is time to go our seperate ways. I told him that he needs to respect my privacy as I am ready to move on. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when I said that to him. As he did also. I know that he loves me and cares for me, but just not in the same way I do. He clung onto every last minute with me and showed more affection than ever. But he still thinks that I'll come back.

 

Now I need to prove to myself and him that I am not coming back.

 

I will continue to ask for advice, I will have my weak moments, hopefully less than my strong. And I will continue to moan and groan about how much it hurts. But I am doing my best. I come on here because I need to hear the hard cold truth that you guys have all given to me. Although, it hurts, it's what I need to realize that it is time to let him go.

 

Thank you everyone for giving me the harsh reality and cold wake up call!

 

I'm proud of you.

 

People aren't trying to downplay the pain, we've all been there. Some of us are still there also. There just isn't a point in doing the same thing over and over.

 

It's frustrating to watch someone get hurt over and over, especially when we can relate to this person so much.

 

When you can PM, message me your anger and sadness all you want. As long as it helps you move on.

[TaraMaiden]

.....

Thank you everyone for giving me the harsh reality and cold wake up call!

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings bawling you out.

But I wouldn't give a schytt, if I didn't give a schytt.

 

if you get my drift.....

[geegirl]

You did the right thing, Young. I know it hurts but you've just empowered yourself by taking that first step.

 

We're not minimizing or diminishing you or your feelings. We've all been there before. Detaching from a loved on is one of the most painful feelings one can go through. I've been there too many times in my life.

 

We just hate to see you keeping yourself in a vicious cycle and while the truth may be harsh, it's never served to hurt you anymore than you already are.

 

When I broke up with my ex, my mother would give me the worst till there was a time I had to get off the phone with her because she was hurting me. Looking back, it is exactly what I needed. While everyone was sugar-coating, it's her words that stood out the most and had a greater effect because it made me think.

 

Your journey is starting and you will stumble, and it's not going to be easy. But lean on your friends, family and those on LS that can help you along your way.

 

I think people simply forgot how hard this is. Why else would there be a forum if it were easy to let go of someone you love? Yes, I have my weak moments more than I do my strong. But I'm on here for a reason, to TRY. That's worth something, isn't it? I appreciate all the advice! If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be willing to try to move on. I would have stayed. Anything that is worth it in the end, is going to be hard.

 

I feel sometimes that people minimize my pain as if it should mean nothing because he "doesn't treat me well" or "doesn't want me like I think he does" Like it should be so easy to move on. Guess what, it isn't! It is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

It's always easier to give advice then to follow it. That is why we are all here. To pound advice into our clouded minds until eventually the storm clears and we can think clearly again.

 

As of last night, I told my ex it is time to go our seperate ways. I told him that he needs to respect my privacy as I am ready to move on. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness when I said that to him. As he did also. I know that he loves me and cares for me, but just not in the same way I do. He clung onto every last minute with me and showed more affection than ever. But he still thinks that I'll come back.

 

Now I need to prove to myself and him that I am not coming back.

 

I will continue to ask for advice, I will have my weak moments, hopefully less than my strong. And I will continue to moan and groan about how much it hurts. But I am doing my best. I come on here because I need to hear the hard cold truth that you guys have all given to me. Although, it hurts, it's what I need to realize that it is time to let him go.

 

Thank you everyone for giving me the harsh reality and cold wake up call!

[youngnlove89]

I'm proud of you.

 

People aren't trying to downplay the pain, we've all been there. Some of us are still there also. There just isn't a point in doing the same thing over and over.

 

It's frustrating to watch someone get hurt over and over, especially when we can relate to this person so much.

 

When you can PM, message me your anger and sadness all you want. As long as it helps you move on.

 

 

Thank you. I am tired of doing the same thing over and over too. It's exhausting. Love should be more than this. Love should be happiness. I feel anxiety, anger, sandess, I feel out of control.

 

Love shouldn't be that. I should feel secure, happy, joyous, comfortable.

 

I know he doesn't think I'm serious about leaving him. He told me he wasn't. He knows that everytime I come back. He is already planning on seeing me next weekend. And he took my favorite pants with him (they used to be his) without me knowing last weekend and he said, "Did you see that I took your pants? I'll return them to you this weekend" and I said, "No, just keep them." and he said, "No, I will see you again."

 

He just doesn't want to let me go. He is happy because he has everything he wants. I am not happy.

 

How do I let him know I'm serious? By ignoring him? He has keys to my apt which I asked for them back and he said he didn't have them with him. so I said throw them away and he said he wouldn't do that.

 

I know he is going to try to get me back which makes this more difficult for me. The lot of you are lucky that your ex's just ignore you. I wish mine did.

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you. I am tired of doing the same thing over and over too. It's exhausting. Love should be more than this. Love should be happiness. I feel anxiety, anger, sandess, I feel out of control.

 

Love shouldn't be that. I should feel secure, happy, joyous, comfortable.

 

I know he doesn't think I'm serious about leaving him. He told me he wasn't. He knows that everytime I come back. He is already planning on seeing me next weekend. And he took my favorite pants with him (they used to be his) without me knowing last weekend and he said, "Did you see that I took your pants? I'll return them to you this weekend" and I said, "No, just keep them." and he said, "No, I will see you again."

 

He just doesn't want to let me go. He is happy because he has everything he wants. I am not happy.

 

How do I let him know I'm serious? By ignoring him? He has keys to my apt which I asked for them back and he said he didn't have them with him. so I said throw them away and he said he wouldn't do that.

 

I know he is going to try to get me back which makes this more difficult for me. The lot of you are lucky that your ex's just ignore you. I wish mine did.

 

Three little words:

 

Change.

The.

Locks.

 

And be out this weekend, and either leave your 'phone at home, or block his number. Come on if you're going to do this, do this the best way for yourself to move forward.

And sadly, Blocking - every single which way ever possible - is the only way you can deny him access, mentally, physically or key-ally....

[geegirl]

He knows you are not serious because you have been predictable. He knows that he has complete control of you and that you are not capable of leaving him. You've shown him that so he can't and will not take you seriously. This is where you haveto prove to yourself that you will stop the cycle and move forward. That's the only way.

 

He won't let you go because men never like to let go of their options. He can have hsi cake and eat it too. He does not have to invest or put any effort into you while he receives 100% of attention and care from you. Isn't that just wonderful? Who would want to let go of that?

 

You let him know you are serious by disapppearing. You NC and you break the cycle and the pattern. You teach him that you mean what you say by silence.

 

My exs never let me be. They always came back. Don't assume that you have it bad when most of us have gone through the patterns. They always come back. It's up to you to decide what you want to do with that contact.

[Tree_Salmon]

Thank you. I am tired of doing the same thing over and over too. It's exhausting. Love should be more than this. Love should be happiness. I feel anxiety, anger, sandess, I feel out of control.

 

Love shouldn't be that. I should feel secure, happy, joyous, comfortable.

 

I know he doesn't think I'm serious about leaving him. He told me he wasn't. He knows that everytime I come back. He is already planning on seeing me next weekend. And he took my favorite pants with him (they used to be his) without me knowing last weekend and he said, "Did you see that I took your pants? I'll return them to you this weekend" and I said, "No, just keep them." and he said, "No, I will see you again."

 

He just doesn't want to let me go. He is happy because he has everything he wants. I am not happy.

 

How do I let him know I'm serious? By ignoring him? He has keys to my apt which I asked for them back and he said he didn't have them with him. so I said throw them away and he said he wouldn't do that.

 

I know he is going to try to get me back which makes this more difficult for me. The lot of you are lucky that your ex's just ignore you. I wish mine did.

 

If you truly want to stay away from him there are many ways.

 

Change your locks, block his number, and in a worst case scenario get an order of protection.

 

And whatever you do, don't have sex if you aren't willing to let him go.