Looking For Support

[tjackson1]

I have been dating this girl for 4 years. About a year after dating she broke up with me saying "I dont think I love you as much as you would want me to and we should just be friends". After 2.5 months of being broken up (We stayed friends during this time)she said "I want you back I realized how much I missed you and that I love you more than I thought". We have been together since.

 

As any relationships we argued and had our problems. About 1 month before we were going to get a appartment to gether there was a realy big arguement when she said she need time to think if this is what she wants. We made up and got the appartment. We were so excited when we moved in and it went great for the first 2-3 weeks. (we moved across the city so she could go to school with out having to commute). She stays at school late sometimes over night because of the demanding work for this program. I would go visit her and bring her food and energy drinks and stuff lots of the time. But she started hanging out with friends form school a couple times a week for a the past 2 weeks and it didn't bother me cause I know she needs time with her friend just as I do. Well we had a small arguement about one night cause I couldnt get ahold of her and didnt know if she was save or not I was up all night worring. Well she said we needed to talk about issues and how we can work them out last night. So we are talking and she told me "I dont feel like the spark is there like it was when we first started dating, and I dont think there is anything that will fix it, I feel like Im missing out on life cuase I feel like I want to be single." I asked her "Do you want to date other people" she said "No I just want to be single" (This confuses because she can do anything a single person can do when in a relationship other than date other people). She also said "I dont think I love you as much as you love me, cause I cant fall in love like that I dont know why"(she has commitment issues because of her childhood being raised in a bad battle between parents). I was confused on this too as how do you expect your issues to vanish in the next relationship. I feel like it is from the stress at school (Her arcitecture program is a hard 5 year program and very demanding). But I wish she would have told me this 1.5 months ago before I signed this lease. When we went in to the appartment I was fully aware that I would be supporting her emosionaly and money wise too because she only has time to work 1-2 days a week if that.

 

I feel like she will come back like last time but not sure. It's hard for me cause she is my best friend and I consider her family my family and her family sees me as one of them too. vis versa with her and my family.

 

I planed on spending my life with her and have sacrificed so much for her. It seems like one month we were happy and excited to start our life together to it changing over night.

 

Does any one have good advise. I will be much apprieciated. Thank you.

Edited September 9, 2012 by tjackson1

[atarisboy86]

Hi,

 

I know how tough your situation can be as I'm going through something similar. I bought a car together with my ex fiancee before our breakup, now for the next few years I have to have that in the back of my mind.

 

It seems like you both are still living together? I think she's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be in a relationship as much as you want to. Maybe it's worth your time and maybe it isn't. That will have to be something that you'll have to figure out. Being in on and off again relationships isn't a good thing. She can be studying rocket science for all you care, but as my therapist once explained...a relationship is two people in a bubble, there are various forces always exerting pressure on that bubble. The two people in that bubble have to do their best to help each other keep that bubble intact. Too many relationships don't work because of school, work, etc...but you want to be a person that will support you and be there for you during difficult times and not just leave.

 

Hope I helped.

[tjackson1]

Hi,

 

I know how tough your situation can be as I'm going through something similar. I bought a car together with my ex fiancee before our breakup, now for the next few years I have to have that in the back of my mind.

 

It seems like you both are still living together? I think she's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be in a relationship as much as you want to. Maybe it's worth your time and maybe it isn't. That will have to be something that you'll have to figure out. Being in on and off again relationships isn't a good thing. She can be studying rocket science for all you care, but as my therapist once explained...a relationship is two people in a bubble, there are various forces always exerting pressure on that bubble. The two people in that bubble have to do their best to help each other keep that bubble intact. Too many relationships don't work because of school, work, etc...but you want to be a person that will support you and be there for you during difficult times and not just leave.

 

Hope I helped.

 

Thank you and as this just happened just friday night. She is staying at the appartment. I am at my mothers. I just dont understand how six monthes ago we were planning details of our wedding to moving in to not being together. She feels like crap also cause she feels she has been a crapy girl friend latley and I try and tell her it's because she is under a lot of stress at school cause I dont want her to feel like it is her fault(I know its no excuse to treat someone badly) but to me it has been normal gf bf issues.

 

And so far we have not defined weather we are splitting, taking a break, or if she is willing to work at fixing it right away. I understand it my be over its just so hard to except right now. But she is known for making hasty discisions and she is thinking about it for the next day and we are supposed to talk tomorrow about what we will do. If we split I'm backing out of the lease and stay with my mom for a couple months to get my grip on things as I have been with her since I was 17 and now I'm 21, so my hole world I knew is changing almost over night and will need my time to get a grip on single life.

[Shinobi]

I might be wrong but most likely she has her eye on someone else... If you ask her she will deny, do not doubt it. If you loved someone would you ask for "time and space" to fugure things out? To figure what?

 

Do not rely on her to say what to do next, take control and throw her out. Something is going on behind your back I think, and don't be naive to put too much hope. You must be brave and tough now, prepare for the worst in your case.

 

She behaved distant and this is something that is usually a sign for break up. You must find the reason for this but I tell you once again- might be a colleague in school or someone she met while you were separated.

 

Courage, I went through something similar...

[tjackson1]

I might be wrong but most likely she has her eye on someone else... If you ask her she will deny, do not doubt it. If you loved someone would you ask for "time and space" to fugure things out? To figure what?

 

Do not rely on her to say what to do next, take control and throw her out. Something is going on behind your back I think, and don't be naive to put too much hope. You must be brave and tough now, prepare for the worst in your case.

 

She behaved distant and this is something that is usually a sign for break up. You must find the reason for this but I tell you once again- might be a colleague in school or someone she met while you were separated.

 

Courage, I went through something similar...

 

I doubt she has her eye on someone else. But today I woke up feeling depressed still with no appitite. I havent ate anything since this all happedned on friday night. But I felt like even if she says she wants to work it our or something I dont think I could taker her back as I thought we both had the same goals and ambitions in life, but it seems like hers are all empty now. and I need someone that is ready to love and stand by me. But its hard cause this is the person I planed on spending my life with, and its hard to just cut it and turn it all around. I guess I'll just have to see what happens take day by day.