jerba Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Dated this girl in my first serious relationship for nearly two months before she broke it off and I'm really unsure what happened. The final three weeks of our relationship were long distance since she had to go on a work program through our university. Things were going well and we were talking daily despite the time difference and work hours she had. Everything got complicated in the last few days of her trip though. She went out drinking and late at night started texting me gibberish and when I called her I found out that she was completely wasted and kept repeating she was trying to find Chuck. The next day she told me she had thrown up all over her phone so she could only receive calls/messages and not send any and that she was worried she might have hit on Chuck while she was drunk but she told me after asking him that she didn't and I trusted her because she has been honest me with stuff like that in the past. The next day was the 3 year anniversary of her ex's death (she cheated on him and he broke it off and committed suicide) and she was going through a rough time, especially after what she did to herself the night before (which is probably why she drank so much). She told me that it was much more intense for her this summer (I'm assuming because of our relationship) and I helped her as best I could without being able to actually hold her or be there in person. She cheered up though and told me she was glad she had me and that she hoped I didn't think it made her feel any differently about me. She then switched topics to when we'd see each other and when I told her it was sooner than we had talked about she really brightened up. She even told me to let her know the exact day so she could start birth control before (!). The next day we didn't talk much since she was in airports and on planes and we talked a bit afterwards and things were fine. The next night at 2am she skyped me and told me she just came back from a party with her friends and then after a little bit of talk she told me she thought we should breakup. Complete 180 from wanting to start birth control 36 hours earlier. The reasons she gave were completely untrue as well. Things like her busy schedule (Which she knew completely before we even started dating), different interests (actually we share a lot of similar interests and I'd already shown her I was excited to try a lot of the things she likes to do), we probably wouldn't have lasted forever (as opposed to those relationships that only start to last forever?), "we only work in person" (we were finally going to be able to see each other after SHE spent 3.5 weeks away in different states!) and then something that really hurt. She told me she thought alcohol was maybe too much of an influence on our relationship starting which is completely untrue. We hit it off from the start during an abroad program and were flirting for days before we went on a weekend trip where she got blackout drunk and I took care of her in the middle of a foreign city for 3 hours while she tried to throw up all over herself, cried about how her ex was dead because of her, told me I was too nice for her all while calling me by the wrong name repeatedly. The next day we started dating and she thinks alcohol contributed? We started dating IN SPITE OF alcohol, in SPITE of me being stuck in the middle of a foreign city then carrying her back to the hotel myself at 4am. At the end of the trip she even let me know that she was worried I wasn't going to want to keep the relationship going back home and when she found out I was just as interested in keeping it going as her I had never seen her happier. At the time of the breakup I couldn't really say much but I told her that I still had real feelings for her but I couldn't force her to stay with me if she didn't want to so she knows that I still care and has still said nothing as of nearly 3 weeks. So here I am, almost 3 weeks since she broke it off and the only contact we've had is her texting me to see if I wanted a copy of microsoft office even though she knew I had just gotten a free one a few weeks earlier. I'm not sure what to think or what to do. It hurts because I had deep feelings for her and I really wanted to be there for her through her tough times because it hurt me to see her that way and it made me feel great to know that she felt comforted by me but I know I deserve better than to be treated like this. I don't know if she really just lost her feelings for me overnight or if its something she is going through over her feelings for her ex or just confusion over feelings for me. Maybe she even cheated on me, we had talked at the start about rules and such and all I said was be honest and if you're going to cheat just break it off. So maybe she had done something at the party the night she broke up with me. Otherwise I can't see her just leading me on like that and then breaking it off when we can finally see each other again. I keep telling myself I'm better off without her if she just ended it like that without even talking about it. She hurt me more than anyone has ever done before. I want her to want to get back together with me but I feel like I shouldn't be the one to reach out after the things she has said and done. Why did she break up with me and push me away? Is there anything I can do? tl;dr - We had been dating for almost 2 months and while she was on a 3 week program out of state she went through the 3 year anniversary of her ex's suicide (he broke up with her after she cheated on him). Helped her through it as best I could and she seemed happy and started up talks about starting birth control but the day she got back she broke it off with me for reasons that don't make any sense and said some things that hurt quite a bit. Not sure if she still has feelings for me and she pushed me away because of that event or if she really decided she didn't want to be with me seemingly overnight.
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