SmileFace Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 The biological is a complete non-issue. Outside of adoption, kids are 100% not in the future for us... And I've told her a while back that it'd be an option to split during the deployment so she can do her own thing and not feel locked down into anything...she wouldn't have it...she said she didnt want to go anywhere else... Hey! I wasn't agreeing at all. That is what I got out of what he said - I may be off.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Hey! I wasn't agreeing at all. That is what I got out of what he said - I may be off. It wasn't meant as any kind of attack, SF...just clarifying... 1
RedRobin Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I didn't take Carhill's statement to have anything to do with clocks ticking or any of that crap. It has everything to do with someone being loyal and faithful... and on long deployments... that means celibate as well. With all his vacillating, Hokie comes across to me as really nothing more than an emotional sponge. A big fat TAKER. TBH, I don't know what his GF sees in Hokie with all his wishy-washiness and stupid 'oats' angst. Shyte or get off the pot dude... GAWD... how much of a drama queen do you really need to be? 1
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Sure, people may think that I can't love her if I'm feeling this way, but I'd disagree with that. Let me explain a little something about what love is (or at least, how I intrepret it to be...). Love, is first and foremost, unselfish. It is second, wanting what is best for the other person. It includes commitment, trust and respect. What I am concerned about, is whether or not this woman is emotionally healthy and her wellbeing... I don't view a woman being "okay" with their partner's wandering eye, heavy flirtation with other women, breaking up with me because he wants someone "hotter", but when he can't get someone hotter he comes back to me, as emotionally healthy. I am not in a relationship with you so my opinion means jack. Then again, I would NEVER be in a relationship with someone who fits that description, if I were aware of it and knew what I was getting myself into. You can rationalize and justify until the cows come home, it's typical of someone who is inherently, incapable of giving. I gave up a lifetime of financial security, because of someone who was exactly like you. Stupid? Maybe... But in the end, I won. 4
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Holy Dinah! Should have seen this before since it's so in-your-face. Your girlfriend symbolizes security, unconditional love, home base, your replacement mother figure. That's why it's okay to wander/breakup/makeup. 2
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 is online flirting with someone you never met (during a time when you were single) that serious? Come on guys. It was a lot, and I mean a LOT, more than flirting online. That's how he works.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 That's why I try to avoid men with low self esteem. They're not necessarily with you because they find you a great match but because they dont see themselves capable of getting anything better. Ding, ding, ding!!
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 The issue is that I AM in love in her...yet I still have conflicting feelings as I've described. If I didn't love her, then I'd have been gone long ago without much trouble. Sure, people may think that I can't love her if I'm feeling this way, but I'd disagree with that. You're not in love, you just think you can't actually do better (the oats).
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You're not in love, you just think you can't actually do better (the oats).As a consideration, if my hypothesis is correct about her "maternal" role in his life, he can love her but not in a Eros way. He may love her in a Storge manner where it's highly expectant of her to fulfill a role of unconditional love so he's free to wander.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 As a consideration, if my hypothesis is correct about her "maternal" role in his life, he can love her but not in a Eros way. He may love her in a Storge manner where it's highly expectant of her to fulfill a role of unconditional love so he's free to wander. Sure. But one I don't see how it's possible to be "in love" with a maternal figure. To love and to be in love are two very different things; I think he's confusing the two. He said he is "in love" with her. I just don't see how you can be "in love" with someone, and even think about or desire being with random unknown women. But I'd also say that to love at all - familial or romantic - does not involve knowingly and willfully causing someone pain to further your own interests.
KungFuJoe Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 When you're with the right person you will forget all about anyone else and you won't feel like you missed out on anything because you'll be too busy enjoying what you have. 7
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Sure. But one I don't see how it's possible to be "in love" with a maternal figure. To love and to be in love are two very different things; I think he's confusing the two. He said he is "in love" with her. I just don't see how you can be "in love" with someone, and even think about or desire being with random unknown women. But I'd also say that to love at all - familial or romantic - does not involve knowingly and willfully causing someone pain to further your own interests.I don't disagree but most children are egocentric. It's like hokie's rebuilding his prior shaky foundational base at Pamela's expense, where his rational mind knows he's hurting her but his "inner child" is oblivious to her pain since it needs something and that need trumps his rational mind. 1
Titanwolf Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 When you're with the right person you will forget all about anyone else and you won't feel like you missed out on anything because you'll be too busy enjoying what you have. I was about to respond, but you summarized it better in 2 sentences. Also, I am now hungry :/
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 When you're with the right person you will forget all about anyone else and you won't feel like you missed out on anything because you'll be too busy enjoying what you have. About all that needs to be said.... *thumbs up* If I had that cute girl that always wanted to be around me and ride Mountain bikes..ect ect....I wouldn't look back, even if she go ta lil fat or farted in front of me..... heh....
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I don't disagree but most children are egocentric. It's like hokie's rebuilding his prior shaky foundational base at Pamela's expense, where his rational mind knows he's hurting her but his "inner child" is oblivious to her pain since it needs something and that need trumps his rational mind. You know... you're right. I'm very familiar with the egocentric "inner child," and adult actions taken to cure that child's pain. As such, I agree completely. 2
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You know... you're right. I'm very familiar with the egocentric "inner child," and adult actions taken to cure that child's pain. Like wearing diapers and role playing?
William Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Let's move the thread back to sowing wild oats and away from overtly or covertly infantilizing the thread starter. Thanks. If the current line of discussion continues, I'll do a Stage Two cleanup.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Let's move the thread back to sowing wild oats... Fair enough. I agree with KungFuJoe that if you're actually in love with someone, you're not even remotely interested in anyone else, you don't consider other options, you don't desire to sow wild oats, you don't think you're missing out on anything... To the contrary, when you're in love, you think you've already hit the jackpot and you KNOW that no one else could compare. 1
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Fair enough. I agree with KungFuJoe that if you're actually in love with someone, you're not even remotely interested in anyone else, you don't consider other options, you don't desire to sow wild oats, you don't think you're missing out on anything... To the contrary, when you're in love, you think you've already hit the jackpot and you KNOW that no one else could compare. That's it, God dammit:) It's so true..... Even though my experience was with an online girl, I kinda felt that. I even saw myself improve at my job, not caring as much about what people say and overall a lot happier and content in life.. I worked oogle overtime at my job just because I really felt happy and wanted to acheive. Getting home to see the little red light on my web-TV was the greatest thing...she had sent me an email:love:.... I can only imagine what a true life love would be though, but I hope it is what you wrote.....
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 It's really not anything to think much about. A person needs to be honest with themselves. If they want freedom to date around, they have no business being in a committed relationship. An adult should be able to know this about themselves regardless of their prior experience or lack thereof. You know, many of us are in, or have been in relationships that we KNOW are not headed for the altar - but we were fully invested in them during their time. I mean, we weren't thinking about maybe "sowing wild oats" while in our relationships. If we WERE thinking about it, or if the thoughts kept creeping in, it was a sure signal that we needed to break up and be free to date. That's where I think you are. Don't just hold onto this thing you have going because you fear that you won't actually sow any oats. That is lame. 4
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 When you're with the right person you will forget all about anyone else and you won't feel like you missed out on anything because you'll be too busy enjoying what you have.Absolutely! When in Eros love, you know it. You care about your partner's feelings and incorporate it into your actions!
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You don't eat or taste wild oats. You spread them. Actually, you sow them. Right? 1
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 This last page makes me want a relationship now.... Now I gotta go find a thread that will change my mind again... oyyy
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Hmmmmm.....Art_Critic's signature.....so so true....
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