Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 No. Cheating is secretly violating the explicit constraints of the relationship. If the relationship is over there is no cheating possible. What if it's just...paused? Pausing for purposes of one party's unilateral exploration without sharing that intent with the other relationship partner...?
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Who said anything about going back to her? He did. They've been off-and-on for a while now. He keeps going back... 1
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Who said anything about going back to her? Ive been saying I think he needs a girl his age and that it wont work with her. I dont believe in "breaks". If he dumps her that should be it forever. I'm on mute.
123321 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 What if it's just...paused? Pausing for purposes of one party's unilateral exploration without sharing that intent with the other relationship partner...? Depends on the expectations of the parties involved and whether deception is used, cheating is defined by the expectations of the relationship, it's up to them to determine what "paused" means in that context.
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 He did. They've been off-and-on for a while now. He keeps going back...All this within 8 months.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 All this within 8 months. Mmmhmm. I so wish I could PM you.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Depends on the expectations of the parties involved and whether deception is used, cheating is defined by the expectations of the relationship, it's up to them to determine what "paused" means in that context. That's true. I tend to think, however, that if you wouldn't want the other person to know what you're up to, there's a reason... and that reason is because it's not acceptable within your relationship. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 As a guess, it's a confidence issue. When he's with someone, they provide him with enough security and validation of attractiveness, that he feels confident enough to venture out. This is valid, and I'd agree with it. And before, when I ended something to try and venture out, Id go back to my prior state.
123321 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 That's true. I tend to think, however, that if you wouldn't want the other person to know what you're up to, there's a reason... and that reason is because it's not acceptable within your relationship. If however you break up with them, they have no right to concern themselves with your future endeavors, even if a later endeavor is to get back together with them. The fact that there is a breakup is an explicit announcement that the relationship is over. What happens after that is the business of the parties that are involved later.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Depends on the expectations of the parties involved and whether deception is used, cheating is defined by the expectations of the relationship, it's up to them to determine what "paused" means in that context. There was never any pause. It was ended completely with no expectation of returning. We never said let's take a break, or any of that bullsh. We'd end it, cut our ties, and then a few weeks later, one of us would contact the other and we'd start talking again.
SteveC80 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Everyones different me my self new puss* is the best feeling in the world the anticipation the tension exploring a new body I get tired of bangign the same women and seeing the same women day after day i get claustrophobic How much sh*t can you possibly say to a person? even my friends and fmaily who i love i need a break fro mafter a few days beign with one person for 365 of em? no thanks
kaylan Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 He did. They've been off-and-on for a while now. He keeps going back... And Im telling him not to. Im agreeing with you that he doesnt really want this woman and he should bail and not go back. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 How did I miss this thread until now? I rate it 4.8 stars.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 How did I miss this thread until now? I rate it 4.8 stars. Out of 10...or 100...?
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Out of 10...or 100...? Out of 5 I read all 10 pages in one sitting. This is very rare for me to do on LS.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) :holdingmybreath: Edited September 9, 2012 by Star Gazer 1
ascendotum Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) I would say that people should be wary of entering into relationships with those with little to no relationship or dating experience. My first girlfriend three years ago voiced this concern to me, and I quickly dismissed it as a non-issue because I didn't know any better. Looking back now, she was probably right. When you get to experience your first relationship or your first successful date, it makes you wonder what or who else is out there, especially as a late bloomer when your mind and emotions have a bit more capacity than as a kid. I don't think its a clear cut as this Hokie. If the person (man or woman) is now looking to settle down and marry or start a family, then yes, I think they should be a little wary of those with barely any dating experience. If that's not the case, then I don't think it makes any difference. How many early relationship end up being with their soul mate and end up for ever after. Not many these days, so why should there be a different level of discrimination over the less experienced person. If your ex from 3 yrs back was wanting to get married to you then it was a fair call by her, otherwise, its just another variable in your/her dating resume. I've known women IRL who say avoid the inexperienced for the reason you gave, but they convieniently forget the 5-10 other relationships they have had with more experienced men, that never went the distance...and in a number of cases with some of these guys doing the dirty on them. Its similar with some women where one bad experience with a supposed 'nice guy' being worse than 5-10+ negative experiences with 'bad boys'. Hopefully your future wife is at least half a dozen women away. Edited September 9, 2012 by ascendotum
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I don't think its a clear cut as this Hokie. Of course it's not. I only said that to recognize that there is merit to that concern based on my own experience.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Out of 5 I read all 10 pages in one sitting. This is very rare for me to do on LS. Are you not entertained...??! 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For the record: I believe Hokie that him and gf weren't together at the time we had "the thing". "It" did stop before they formally got back together. I am unclear if they were on a break or broken up but they were "off". So technically, there was no "cheating" of any kind involved.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For the record: I believe Hokie that him and gf weren't together at the time we had "the thing". "It" did stop before they formally got back together. I am unclear if they were on a break or broken up but they were "off". So technically, there was no "cheating" of any kind involved. Interesting change of story. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Just went outside for the second time today to get food. It was depressing seeing so many beautiful people out and about.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Just went outside for the second time today to get food. It was depressing seeing so many beautiful people out and about. It depresses you to see beautiful people? That's because you don't find your girlfriend beautiful. You want what you don't have. 1
MrCastle Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For the record: I believe Hokie that him and gf weren't together at the time we had "the thing". "It" did stop before they formally got back together. I am unclear if they were on a break or broken up but they were "off". So technically, there was no "cheating" of any kind involved. The ****... 3
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