reallyhotguy Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I think you're asking the wrong question. Is there some satisfaction out there just waiting to be had, in the form of new and desirable women? Maybe, but why are you thinking about this now and so often? It sounds to me like you are frustrated with yourself because you can't actualize. You have a desire, and that desire is to become a man who has sex with many desirable women on impulse. However, you won't bring yourself to attempt at fulfilling that desire, because it feels too risky, or too difficult. At an impasse, you turn your desire back on itself, hoping to dispute it as though it were an argument -- hence threads like these. You end up dissatisfied because it is plain that your desire, like most, is irrational and indeterminate -- and yet, there it is. Which brings you back where you started. Suppression doesn't extinguish your desire, it only constricts its motion. Your desire is not going away -- so what is stopping you from actualizing? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 After our split, I didn't mourn the loss at all and moved on really quickly. It felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders, which isn't how you should feel when you break up with someone you truly care for. This is exactly how I felt in every relationship that ended after my first relationship...I don't think I ever let myself get that invested in anyone after my first breakup. My current girlfriend is the first woman since the first one that I've become emotionally attached to. I've started acknowledging my limitations and think I may never be fit for LTRs. This thought has also crossed my mind before... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 I think you're asking the wrong question. Is there some satisfaction out there just waiting to be had, in the form of new and desirable women? Maybe, but why are you thinking about this now and so often? It sounds to me like you are frustrated with yourself because you can't actualize. You have a desire, and that desire is to become a man who has sex with many desirable women on impulse. However, you won't bring yourself to attempt at fulfilling that desire, because it feels too risky, or too difficult. At an impasse, you turn your desire back on itself, hoping to dispute it as though it were an argument -- hence threads like these. You end up dissatisfied because it is plain that your desire, like most, is irrational and indeterminate -- and yet, there it is. Which brings you back where you started. Suppression doesn't extinguish your desire, it only constricts its motion. Your desire is not going away -- so what is stopping you from actualizing? This is pretty spot on. I'm afraid that if I end a relationship with the intent of playing the field, I'll crawl back into my mentality of passivity and inaction...and won't what the hell I was thinking...It has happened before... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 No idea beyond having the willpower to stop yourself. But she's 18 years older, Hokie. Pretend you stay together for the next five years. Not certain how old you are but as a guess, 25ish. If so, this will make her almost 50 years old. What then when she shows serious signs of aging and you're only 30? Then even more people will stare at us in public when we walk by...? But seriously though, it is a concern of ours...one of many...but I'm very much physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to her...so I just deal with the issues... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Then even more people will stare at us in public when we walk by...? But seriously though, it is a concern of ours...one of many...but I'm very much physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to her...so I just deal with the issues...Shall we pretend that she's a hot, 20-something year old? Would you still be having these wild oat cravings? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Shall we pretend that she's a hot, 20-something year old? Would you still be having these wild oat cravings? I don't know. I've never been with a "objectively" hot, 20-something year old. I was attracted to the girls I've dated, but I wouldn't say they were super hot in the stereotypical sense. But I'll be honest and probably guess that I'd try to hold onto her longer than I should based on her looks. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 But seriously though, it is a concern of ours...one of many...but I'm very much physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to her...so I just deal with the issues... I'm afraid you're blatantly lying to yourself and to her, according to this thread. Let me ask you this... What do you think her opinion would be, if she knew you felt this way? If I were in her shoes, I would have serious, serious reseverations about you and would most likely end the relationship for you... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Do you feel more satisfied with your relationship after having lived that way for some time? The GF is fun to be with but the longer we are together the more expectations she is creating within herself, and I'm pretty sure i don't want to be on the hook to fulfill her fantasy, but then again maybe it would be OK. I don't really need someone else around to make me happy, what i do need (want) is a maid and maybe a cook, and I can just hire that pretty cheap. Even with my GF, I still hire a maid/cook to come in and do the cleaning/laundry/etc. so I don't "need" a GF for help with those things. Heck *I* can do those things easily (and have a lot) myself. If I want to go out and have fun, that's easy too. A marriage is good for having kids but I'm middle 40s and while I would like to have had a few by now I'm not sure I want to start in the near future. Mainly I'm being careful not to make any promises I can't or don't want to keep. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I don't know. I've never been with a "objectively" hot, 20-something year old. I was attracted to the girls I've dated, but I wouldn't say they were super hot in the stereotypical sense. But I'll be honest and probably guess that I'd try to hold onto her longer than I should based on her looks.You're not really answering my question. If she were a hot 20-something year old, would you still be having these wild oat cravings? Your answer matters. Be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 But I'll be honest and probably guess that I'd try to hold onto her longer than I should based on her looks. Don't waste your time on this nonsense. If you have feelings for her, and her for you, strive to make it work 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 I'm afraid you're blatantly lying to yourself and to her, according to this thread. Let me ask you this... What do you think her opinion would be, if she knew you felt this way? If I were in her shoes, I would have serious, serious reseverations about you and would most likely end the relationship for you... We've actually had this exact discussion a few months ago and she's aware it's a genuine concern of mine. Communication between us is very good and we talk about everything, even the ugly issues. Anyway, our solution seemed to be that I just have to suppress those feelings of curiosity...And it's something I've been working on, but sometimes something causes it to peek its ugly head out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Don't waste your time on this nonsense. If you have feelings for her, and her for you, strive to make it work Holy smokes, look who the cat dragged in!! Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 We've actually had this exact discussion a few months ago and she's aware it's a genuine concern of mine. Hmmm. It kinda should be the other way around... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 You're not really answering my question. If she were a hot 20-something year old, would you still be having these wild oat cravings? Your answer matters. Be honest. And like I said before, I don't know what I don't know. I can only speculate that I'd probably be less likely to have those desires if I were dating a "hot girl" my age. And maybe it's the curiosity and/desire of possibly dating a "hot girl" that feeds these wild oat feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 And like I said before, I don't know what I don't know. I can only speculate that I'd probably be less likely to have those desires if I were dating a "hot girl" my age. And maybe it's the curiosity and/desire of possibly dating a "hot girl" that feeds these wild oat feelings.This is the area that you need to address. Her age bothers you both rationally and irrationally. If you can't accept her age, time to move on. In five years time, it will almost be impossible for her to have children and while children aren't a huge concern now, they might be in five to ten years. That's the harsh reality of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 You have a desire, and that desire is to become a man who has sex with many desirable women on impulse. Suppression doesn't extinguish your desire, it only constricts its motion. This is pretty spot on. Straight up, you are absolutely not in love with your girlfriend, who will be WAITING FOR YOU THROUGH A DEPLOYMENT, if you have a desire to have sex with many desirable other women. PERIOD. Let. Her. Go. She's almost 50. What you're doing is selfish and cruel. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 This is the area that you need to address. Her age bothers you both rationally and irrationally. If you can't accept her age, time to move on. In five years time, it will almost be impossible for her to have children and while children aren't a huge concern now, they might be in five to ten years. That's the harsh reality of it. Hokie is 28 and she's 18 years older. Children are likely already an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 This is exactly how I felt in every relationship that ended after my first relationship...I don't think I ever let myself get that invested in anyone after my first breakup. My current girlfriend is the first woman since the first one that I've become emotionally attached to. This thought has also crossed my mind before... Sorry. Missed the above. Is it possible that one relationship, did you under? What are these "other" relationships, you are referring to? 1 month-ers 2, 3? Those aren't relationships, those are flings. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Sorry. Missed the above. Is it possible that one relationship, did you under? What are these "other" relationships, you are referring to? 1 month-ers 2, 3? Those aren't relationships, those are flings. He hasn't had a relationship longer than 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 He hasn't had a relationship longer than 6 months. Why are you so into his business? holy jeesus christ, Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 This is the area that you need to address. Her age bothers you both rationally and irrationally. If you can't accept her age, time to move on. In five years time, it will almost be impossible for her to have children and while children aren't a huge concern now, they might be in five to ten years. That's the harsh reality of it. Absolutely. There is no doubt kids are a huge issue for us. She knows it and so do I. We've agreed that kids will never be in our future, whether now or in five years. The reason we broke up and got back together so many times is because we kept identifying these issues and immediately ending the relationship. We finally decided that we would make it last as long as it was meant to last and just deal with the issues when they actually manifested, rather than act based on speculation of potential issues in the future. So do you believe that the chance of a huge issue in the future is justification enough to end a relationship...? Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I can see it both ways...marrying her and living happily ever after...or not marrying her...and living happily ever after. happily ever after? Im gonna be real with you...shes about 20 years older than you. When her sex drive slows down, when shes aging at a much faster rate than you, and when shes slowing down cus shes either approaching or in her senior years...you wont see it as happily ever after....especiallyif you have to take care of her despite your own youthful vigor. In all likelihood you will long for someone your age who can keep up with you. I say this both to men and women when they start dating people way older than them. Have a bit more foresight. Your questioning what you want now because you know you want other women. I still think you are kinda settling. You got a late start in the dating game...why hold yourself back still? Go grab what you really want...cus to me, it doesnt seem like its your gf or we wouldnt see these somewhat iffy threads come from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Sorry. Missed the above. Is it possible that one relationship, did you under? What are these "other" relationships, you are referring to? 1 month-ers 2, 3? Those aren't relationships, those are flings. There were no other relationships after the first one. Just a few women I dated for a couple months at most. The current woman is my second relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Why are you so into his business? holy jeesus christ, I'm not. I just know the history all too well, and I think what he's doing to his girlfriend is reprehensible. He denied he was even in a relationship with her when he was. It all makes sense now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Holy smokes, look who the cat dragged in!! lol yea, a long deployment 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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