SJC2008 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 His girlfriend. The older woman he's been with for quite some time. How did I miss that? I thought he was in the same boat me and a handfull of other posters were. Hmmm.....
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I wasn't aware you met someone. When? Off and on a few times since January. Met her 2 and a half years ago on a cruise and reconnected when I moved to California.
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 How did I miss that? I thought he was in the same boat me and a handfull of other posters were. Hmmm..... I'm not surprised you're surprised. With as much as he talks about desiring one-night stands, and asking what hot chicks look for in a guy, and all these oats he wants to sow, etc., etc., you'd think he was single. 1
123321 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For me, it's so easy and I don't think it's "a bad way to live" if it works for a person. My issue is that it's so much fun that I hate the idea of giving it up, but I have a GF.
threebyfate Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 If it were that easy, then I'd do it. But I don't know if I want to lose her to look for something that I might to even get or something that isn't what it's set out to be. And I flew her to DC two weeks ago to meet the family when I went home. I can certainly see it working out.Not going to soft ball it to you. You're ripe to cheat. That's sad. I feel bad for her. 2
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 For me, it's so easy and I don't think it's "a bad way to live" if it works for a person. My issue is that it's so much fun that I hate the idea of giving it up, but I have a GF. Do you feel more satisfied with your relationship after having lived that way for some time?
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Not going to soft ball it to you. You're ripe to cheat. That's sad. I feel bad for her. I would venture to say he already has, albeit not physically. 1
denise_xo Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For those who have experienced it, are you glad you did, and did you eventually get over it and seek out more meaningful relationships? It's not something I am particularly glad about or particularly regret (although I could probably have done without a couple of those experiences). It was just part of my sexual experience at a particular point in time, although not, I would say, at the exclusion of being open to a more committed relationship. I wasn't at all set on 'being a player' (or whatever the female version of that word is). I'm from a culture which is quite sexually liberal so I guess I just have a multifaceted view of sex - it can come in different formats and you enjoy those formats for different reasons. I definitely think some of that can be about validation or social pressure or whatever, but only you can really know what your urges are about. I guess that because of my experience, it would be difficult for me to imagine what it would be like if my H was my first sexual partner, and how I would relate to that. I was his first, if he has an urge to go around and sow some oats, he hasn't informed me yet 1
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 you'd think he was single. I thought he was. So basically, H, you're asking about cheating while in a relationship then.. don't do that, because it hurts the other person if they have fallen for you...and you will get cought.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Not going to soft ball it to you. You're ripe to cheat. That's sad. I feel bad for her. No, I appreciate that. I'd end it with her before I would ever place myself in such a situation to cheat.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 So basically, H, you're asking about cheating while in a relationship then.. No, I'm not. I'm asking about whether you should end it with someone that you actually want to be in a relationship with because of feelings of wanting oats.
ThaWholigan Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Yea, I would like to agree. Perhaps it's the frustration of the distance in my relationship now that's making me think this way. But maybe not... I don't know honestly - that's up to you. That you're thinking about it is not really a good sign though. You should really hone in and pinpoint exactly why that is, and what you can do to satiate it without destroying what you have. I can only speculate on my own actions as I am yet to even be in a relationship, let alone a strong one with substance. However as I have said, I don't desire to "sow my oats" - even though I am single now, and probably will be for a while. I have had a casual encounter now, but while it was enjoyable and certainly fruitful, I admit to wanting more out of it emotionally that I knew I wouldn't be able to get. As such, I know in my heart I want more intimacy - I'm not really cut out emotionally to be a player. 3
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 No, I appreciate that. I'd end it with her before I would ever place myself in such a situation to cheat. But, you're already kinda cheating on her, at least emotionally. Each time you're with her, you long for someone/something else. This isn't a case of someone who has been married or in a relationship with someone for years and it ended for reasons unrelated to wanting to "sow oats". There's a difference....
Woggle Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 If you are starting to experience these feelings break up with her before you hurt her. It really is unfair to string her along like this. 3
FitChick Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 This is why I prefer a man who has had a lot of experience. If he's tried everything with everyone and still chooses me, I must be pretty damned good so he'll have no reason to go elsewhere. 4
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I guess that because of my experience, it would be difficult for me to imagine what it would be like if my H was my first sexual partner, and how I would relate to that. I was his first, if he has an urge to go around and sow some oats, he hasn't informed me yet And it's that prior experience that allows people to say with such confidence that these feelings are unfounded. As we get older, we take for granted our past experiences, so those who have dated many people or slept around don't really understand or remember the feeling of not having ever done that. 1
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 No, I'm not. I'm asking about whether you should end it with someone that you actually want to be in a relationship with because of feelings of wanting oats. Ok so you think you can eat some oats behind her back and get it out of your system plus still keep her without her knowing. I would say end it, because once you have some oats they may tatse really great and you need more and more and more......and more. Eventually she'll find the empty oat packages laying around...if you know what I mean,.
SJC2008 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 This is why I prefer a man who has had a lot of experience. If he's tried everything with everyone and still chooses me, I must be pretty damned good so he'll have no reason to go elsewhere. This is why I'm going to lie to every woman I meet because they think you'll BBD them once you get you're exp. I'm above that, I could of used plenty of women for exp but chose not to! I don't use people, but mabye I should of so I'd have "experiecne" so some insecure woman won't ghost on me becasue she thinks I'll gig her afterwards.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 But, you're already kinda cheating on her, at least emotionally. Each time you're with her, you long for someone/something else. It's actually the time that I am with her that makes me not want anyone or anything else... It's just the times when I'm out in environments with lots of people that I feel these feelings. Luckily I don't get out much.
carhill Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 What are your thoughts on wild oats...? Some folks enjoy it. Others not so much. Go with your style. Sounds like you're in a committed R right now so perhaps set such thoughts aside for now. I 'lived a little' in Eastern Europe many years ago, relevant to my style. Good memories. Solidified that I'm a marriage and life partnership style person. No real revelations there. If what you have feels right, why mess with it?
BehindBlueEyes Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Is this like "playing the fields"?? well, H....I think you'r enot ready for a true relationship yet.... I mean it in a good way. Play the fields man.....get it out of your system....
Author USMCHokie Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Ok so you think you can eat some oats behind her back and get it out of your system plus still keep her without her knowing. I would say end it, because once you have some oats they may tatse really great and you need more and more and more......and more. Eventually she'll find the empty oat packages laying around...if you know what I mean,. No, I'm not saying that either. I'd end it and never speak to her again to eat oats. It'd be the sacrifice I'd have to make for that experience. I don't know if the experience is worth it. Or if I'm even capable of that experience.
snug.bunny Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 It's just the times when I'm out in environments with lots of people that I feel these feelings. Luckily I don't get out much. Well, I don't know what to say about that. Typically, when you're in love with someone, and you're apart from them you long for them, not other people... 3
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 well, i don't know what to say about that. typically, when you're in love with someone, and you're apart from them you long for them, not other people... exactly. 100000% 1
Star Gazer Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 It's actually the time that I am with her that makes me not want anyone or anything else... It's just the times when I'm out in environments with lots of people that I feel these feelings. Luckily I don't get out much. So, out of sight, out of mind. 1
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