The Taste of Wild Oats...

[jobaba]

On the one hand, thoughts do creep into everybody's head when in a relationship. I can remember times when I got into a fight with my ex or she did something crappy to me and then one of my female co-workers and I had a really fun conversation. And my mind would be like, "What if..."

 

But I would banish those thoughts quickly. Even when my relationships were on the rocks, I made sure I stayed away from socializing one on one with other women outside of school and work. Never did it.

 

To think about other women in this way is sometimes just natural.

 

On the other hand, to want to openly date and scr@w other women while you are in a relationship with one is a totally different thing.

 

But meh, guys I know have done it. And every guy that has done this kind of thing happen to be the guys that all the women are attracted to.

 

There's a reason they can be players. Because MULTIPLE women like them at any given time.

 

Process that one for second...

[threebyfate]

Sowing means spreading and planting where wild oats is a euphemism for semen.

[snug.bunny]

Then why is this about tasting?

 

Is it a euphemism for tasting one's semen?

 

Man, we've been had.

[Star Gazer]

Sowing means spreading and planting where wild oats is a euphemism for semen.

 

I knew that, silly girl.

 

I just meant to point out the phrase is to "sow" wild oats... not to spread them, or plant them, ... but especially not to taste them.

 

Maybe if men thought of sowing their wild oats as potentially being the father of several, to tens, to hundreds of children, that desire would disappear.

[Star Gazer]

Then why is this about tasting?

 

Is it a euphemism for tasting one's semen?

 

Man, we've been had.

 

:laugh:

[BehindBlueEyes]

I knew that, silly girl. :

 

 

The love between you two recently....well......it's weird...

[threebyfate]

Maybe if men thought of sowing their wild oats as potentially being the father of several, to tens, to hundreds of children, that desire would disappear.

Case in point myself. Got pregnant while using birth control! Be careful of genetically enhanced oats.

[tman666]

My personal belief is that being in a committed relationship with someone you love doesn't (and shouldn't) entail becoming a eunuch. Part of the blessing/curse that comes with a pair of testicles is the fact that you're probably going to have the war drums signal "ramming speed" at some point.

 

However, I wholeheartedly agree with something that snug.bunny wrote earlier: love is, above all, unselfish. When you love someone, the thought of actually doing anything to hurt them is gut wrenching. When they're happy, it makes you happy. When they're sad, you want more than anything for them to feel better.

 

I also think that you need to get real about thinking about your future. I'm roughly the same age as you (a little younger) and I can't even imagine settling down with someone who has almost 20 years of life experience on me. I'm sure she's a great lady and all, and I'll take your word for it that you do love her, but the age gap is not at all an invalid point.

 

One of the great things about being with someone around your own age is that you can experience new things in life together. Obviously, age isn't an automatic tell-tale sign of maturity or wisdom, but generally speaking, a big age gap is going to cause issues.

 

I like you man, and I don't think you seem like an intentionally malicious person. You seem lost, but not malicious. I do think, however, that if a person allows themselves to rationalize and trivialize dishonest and dishonorable behavior on their part, that a slippery slope situation can occur. You have to stick to your guns on what you know to be right.

 

The right thing to do here, IMHO, is to break it off with her amicably and with finality, and work towards finding happiness independent of your current relationship status. This "inner happiness" requires one to know oneself well. It's extremely liberating because it frees you from having to feel like you're not playing the right game, and it puts you in a position to (from a position of confidence) pursue what you want and need. If you need to sleep with a bunch of different girls to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing so, then so be it, but don't keep anyone's hopes of commitment from you on deck while you run the bases.

 

Step 1 here is to determine exactly what YOU want and need, not what your buddies, LS, society, family, etc. says that you want and need.

 

For what it's worth, I never really "sowed my wild oats" either. By the time I was socially capable of picking up girls for quick sex, I had so many other good things happening to me that it just wasn't a big priority for me anymore. It's not like there's some big award that you get when you finally bang 50 chicks or something. Nobody cares (except for the "men" in the PUA community).

[Star Gazer]

My personal belief is that being in a committed relationship with someone you love doesn't (and shouldn't) entail becoming a eunuch. Part of the blessing/curse that comes with a pair of testicles is the fact that you're probably going to have the war drums signal "ramming speed" at some point.

 

However, I wholeheartedly agree with something that snug.bunny wrote earlier: love is, above all, unselfish. When you love someone, the thought of actually doing anything to hurt them is gut wrenching. When they're happy, it makes you happy. When they're sad, you want more than anything for them to feel better.

 

I also think that you need to get real about thinking about your future. I'm roughly the same age as you (a little younger) and I can't even imagine settling down with someone who has almost 20 years of life experience on me. I'm sure she's a great lady and all, and I'll take your word for it that you do love her, but the age gap is not at all an invalid point.

 

One of the great things about being with someone around your own age is that you can experience new things in life together. Obviously, age isn't an automatic tell-tale sign of maturity or wisdom, but generally speaking, a big age gap is going to cause issues.

 

I like you man, and I don't think you seem like an intentionally malicious person. You seem lost, but not malicious. I do think, however, that if a person allows themselves to rationalize and trivialize dishonest and dishonorable behavior on their part, that a slippery slope situation can occur. You have to stick to your guns on what you know to be right.

 

The right thing to do here, IMHO, is to break it off with her amicably and with finality, and work towards finding happiness independent of your current relationship status. This "inner happiness" requires one to know oneself well. It's extremely liberating because it frees you from having to feel like you're not playing the right game, and it puts you in a position to (from a position of confidence) pursue what you want and need. If you need to sleep with a bunch of different girls to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing so, then so be it, but don't keep anyone's hopes of commitment from you on deck while you run the bases.

 

Step 1 here is to determine exactly what YOU want and need, not what your buddies, LS, society, family, etc. says that you want and need.

 

For what it's worth, I never really "sowed my wild oats" either. By the time I was socially capable of picking up girls for quick sex, I had so many other good things happening to me that it just wasn't a big priority for me anymore. It's not like there's some big award that you get when you finally bang 50 chicks or something. Nobody cares (except for the "men" in the PUA community).

 

Awesome, awesome, awesome post.

[Anela]

I'm not sure you really need the "insight" to be honest. It's a good topic I admit, for the purposes of discussion, yes .

 

But you really have to figure out on your own whether it's really worth it. There are factors that make this a less than perfect arrangement for you it seems, and if you are really contemplating this even slightly seriously, then it doesn't seem like this will last, unfortunately. Unless you work out why you are feeling like this.

 

For what it's worth, my brothers all get laid a million times more than I do with my mere 2 encounters. Yet, I don't really desire the volume of encounters that they do, neither that of my friends. If I, at the peak of my sexuality, don't desire it now, I never will.

 

For what more is worth, the amount of times I have had friends confess to me that they regret their break-ups that led them to sex so many women, yet they cannot replicate the beauty of their intimate moments with their former SOs led me to believe that it wasn't worth it anyway.

 

See, this is what I envy. There have been times in the past, when I felt like I could have slept around a bit, but I know that I don't really want that.

I want/wanted what a young woman I know has, who met her husband at a young age, and they're compatible in all ways (mentally/emotionally/sexually). The relationship has its ups and downs, and they split up for a brief period of time, years ago, but they're a good match, and they really love each other.

 

That trumps any number of individual, casual encounters, in my book.

[Anela]

I was curious too, after seeing my younger brother (not the short one I live with ) have so many relationships and sex a lot of girls too. Everyone around me was having sex with a lot of people - except probably both my parents and a couple of friends. It was hard not to be curious.

 

But after a while, I wasn't. I'm still not. I heavily doubt I ever will be again. It's as though I lived it through the others, rather than desire it because of them. I experienced the emotions alongside them while they were doing their thing - if that makes sense. So that was kinda how I got over my curiosity. Because I firmly believe that it wouldn't really be that worth it, even though I don't have a relationship I would be sacrificing. I would want more, and I do want more. Even though casual was pretty good . There's better - I know there is better. I'm talking oatmeal with blueberries and cinnamon, and honey too. Rather eat that than plain old porridge .

 

Exactly.

 

I cried buckets, when I read something in Johan's thread about his girlfriend. It was something about how he'd claw his way through the earth to her if he could. I'm happy for him, but I had to avoid the thread for a while, because it just reminded me of what I've never had - nobody has admitted ever feeling that way about me, and I'm sure that sleeping with a hundred men, hot or not, would never replace that feeling (I've felt it before, for someone who ended up treating me like crap). I've been told that someone was smitten with me before, but he didn't say anything (that I remember), and he was involved with more than one of my friends. He's married now, so I can't ask him if he ever "liked" me more than he let on - I just know that his kindness was the best thing about him, and he gave me one of my sweetest memories, when he kept me company one evening (when I didn't want to go out with everyone else).

 

The men who would happily use my body for sex (and not give a damn about me), are a dime a dozen.

[RedRobin]

I'm getting a 2013 Hayabusa Super Sport....beat that, bitch!

 

Most of the guys at the AMA Races in Jersey this weekend are driving Suzuki GXRs and a few Yamahas...

 

I'm looking that the GXRs myself... probably will beat that Hayabusa honker once I get my legs under me...

 

...but I digress...

 

Most of my family members married at young ages.. I don't know how much oats sowing they did later on... we're a very open family... and I don't know of any.

 

We tend to value different things in life over the # of partners one has...

Edited September 9, 2012 by RedRobin

[jobaba]

Exactly.

 

I cried buckets, when I read something in Johan's thread about his girlfriend. It was something about how he'd claw his way through the earth to her if he could. I'm happy for him, but I had to avoid the thread for a while, because it just reminded me of what I've never had - nobody has admitted ever feeling that way about me, and I'm sure that sleeping with a hundred men, hot or not, would never replace that feeling (I've felt it before, for someone who ended up treating me like crap). I've been told that someone was smitten with me before, but he didn't say anything (that I remember), and he was involved with more than one of my friends. He's married now, so I can't ask him if he ever "liked" me more than he let on - I just know that his kindness was the best thing about him, and he gave me one of my sweetest memories, when he kept me company one evening (when I didn't want to go out with everyone else).

 

The men who would happily use my body for sex (and not give a damn about me), are a dime a dozen.

 

Reading your post makes me want to go call the women that I've been absolutely smitten with in my life who have rejected me (about 3 over my lifetime) and re-iterate to them how much I love their charms and nuances, how much I think/thought of them day/night and their gummy smiles wearing a cheezy T-shirt I remember, and how much more conventionally attractive women looked like Luca Brasi next to them due to my emotional attraction to them.

 

Then, I slap myself into reality and realize that they want a CERTAIN TYPE of guy to feel that way for them, not just any guy they've gotten to know intimately over the course of a year or anything like that.

 

So, such a phone call would be ugly.

 

Nice try though.

[USMCHokie]

I'm getting a 2013 Hayabusa Super Sport....beat that, bitch!

 

After the GSX-R kicks the bucket, I'll probably get a Ducati 1198...

 

Holy Dinah! Should have seen this before since it's so in-your-face. Your girlfriend symbolizes security, unconditional love, home base, your replacement mother figure. That's why it's okay to wander/breakup/makeup.

 

Don't think you're right on this one. I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my own mother and have never had a need for a second one...

[threebyfate]

Don't think you're right on this one. I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my own mother and have never had a need for a second one...

Let's go back to secure home base in order to wander, which you've acknowledged within this thread. Where did this come from?

[USMCHokie]

On the one hand, thoughts do creep into everybody's head when in a relationship. I can remember times when I got into a fight with my ex or she did something crappy to me and then one of my female co-workers and I had a really fun conversation. And my mind would be like, "What if..."

 

But I would banish those thoughts quickly. Even when my relationships were on the rocks, I made sure I stayed away from socializing one on one with other women outside of school and work. Never did it.

 

To think about other women in this way is sometimes just natural.

 

Of course, and this is coming from a man. I wanted to get more male perspectives on this topic who may have actually experienced this themselves. I wanted to know if this was a natural feeling for someone who was still early in his relationship "career" and ways to rid themselves of that feeling, if possible, without having to succumb to that lifestyle just to get a taste of it.

 

Of course women will defend their kind and respond in exactly the way that have in this thread. I expected nothing less and appreciate their perspective do I have an idea of what might be going on in her mind.

 

On the other hand, to want to openly date and scr@w other women while you are in a relationship with one is a totally different thing.

 

This was never my intention or desire, and I'm not quite sure how people could have even read or inferred this course of action...unless out of personal spite for me, which is certainly possible and likely probable.

[USMCHokie]

Let's go back to secure home base in order to wander, which you've acknowledged within this thread. Where did this come from?

 

If I were to wander, then there would no longer be a home base...

[threebyfate]

If I were to wander, then there would no longer be a home base...

And yet, self admittedly, you can't help these feelings of wanting to wander when there's a secure home base. Where do you feel this sources from?

[USMCHokie]

Most of my family members married at young ages.. I don't know how much oats sowing they did later on... we're a very open family... and I don't know of any.

 

We tend to value different things in life over the # of partners one has...

 

Indeed, and we are all also products of our environments and influenced by those around us. Unfortunately for me, I spent a majority of my life with male friends who embodied this lifestyle of relative promiscuity, which I was never a part of. I am not ashamed to admit that it affected me deeply and created an angst to experience it.

 

My struggle now is that I've found someone I actually DO want to spend my life with, yet I still carry this long-rooted burden with me...something that had grown over the years of being the only guy in the group to always go home alone. I'm just trying to reconcile that now with my current relationship.

[USMCHokie]

Sowing is spreading.

 

Sowing means spreading and planting where wild oats is a euphemism for semen.

 

I understand that the term is "sowing your wild oats," but I used the word "taste" in the thread title to keep it concise while emphasizing that I was talking about getting a taste of, or experiencing for the first time, the sowing of one's wild oats.

 

And the taste of wild oats seemed like a more entertaining thread title...

[Star Gazer]

If I were to wander, then there would no longer be a home base...

 

Your home base should be within yourself, not another person.

 

You want something to come "home" to when you return from deployment. You can't rely on that being someone else.

[USMCHokie]

However, I wholeheartedly agree with something that snug.bunny wrote earlier: love is, above all, unselfish. When you love someone, the thought of actually doing anything to hurt them is gut wrenching. When they're happy, it makes you happy. When they're sad, you want more than anything for them to feel better.

 

I definitely agree with this too, and I do feel that way about her. Her happiness is very important to me, and this is something that I want to figure out on my own before it becomes an actual problem that would jeopardize our happiness.

 

I also think that you need to get real about thinking about your future. I'm roughly the same age as you (a little younger) and I can't even imagine settling down with someone who has almost 20 years of life experience on me. I'm sure she's a great lady and all, and I'll take your word for it that you do love her, but the age gap is not at all an invalid point.

 

One of the great things about being with someone around your own age is that you can experience new things in life together. Obviously, age isn't an automatic tell-tale sign of maturity or wisdom, but generally speaking, a big age gap is going to cause issues.

 

And these are exactly the things I avoid thinking about... Because things are working now...so we just try our best not to speculate on the future...

 

But you're absolutely right, and it's something that's always on the back of both of our minds...and a topic that does come up casually every now and then in conversation.

 

I like you man, and I don't think you seem like an intentionally malicious person. You seem lost, but not malicious. I do think, however, that if a person allows themselves to rationalize and trivialize dishonest and dishonorable behavior on their part, that a slippery slope situation can occur. You have to stick to your guns on what you know to be right.

 

Well, I'm not trying to justify or rationalize doing any of that. I'm just trying to reconcile feelings I've had for most of my adult life with something that if relatively rare for me...being in a loving relationship.

 

The right thing to do here, IMHO, is to break it off with her amicably and with finality, and work towards finding happiness independent of your current relationship status. This "inner happiness" requires one to know oneself well. It's extremely liberating because it frees you from having to feel like you're not playing the right game, and it puts you in a position to (from a position of confidence) pursue what you want and need. If you need to sleep with a bunch of different girls to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing so, then so be it, but don't keep anyone's hopes of commitment from you on deck while you run the bases.

 

Step 1 here is to determine exactly what YOU want and need, not what your buddies, LS, society, family, etc. says that you want and need.

 

For what it's worth, I never really "sowed my wild oats" either. By the time I was socially capable of picking up girls for quick sex, I had so many other good things happening to me that it just wasn't a big priority for me anymore. It's not like there's some big award that you get when you finally bang 50 chicks or something. Nobody cares (except for the "men" in the PUA community).

 

Thanks for the post. Gives me a lot to think about.

[KungFuJoe]

Hokie,

 

You have self esteem issues. This is where those "wild oats" feelings stem from. You think that if you were to have lots of sex it would mean you were more of a man than you think you are. You would have your external validation.

 

Learn to love yourself for who are you are. Understand what you have to offer to the person you are with now instead of worrying about what you could have offered to those that don't matter anymore.

[jobaba]

Of course, and this is coming from a man. I wanted to get more male perspectives on this topic who may have actually experienced this themselves. I wanted to know if this was a natural feeling for someone who was still early in his relationship "career" and ways to rid themselves of that feeling, if possible, without having to succumb to that lifestyle just to get a taste of it.

 

Of course women will defend their kind and respond in exactly the way that have in this thread. I expected nothing less and appreciate their perspective do I have an idea of what might be going on in her mind.

 

People get p@ssed off when others suggest doing things that have hurt them in the past.

 

So, of course when a guy like you says he has thoughts (however innocuous and involuntary they may be) of playing the field, and being a player, just about every woman here has been played by some suave dude. So, it makes them bitter and they react.

 

Same way just about every dude here has been passed over multiple times by a gal who liked him as a person because she wanted something 'more'. So when a woman here suggests she doesn't want a guy because he's too short or not physically attractive, guys react.

 

This seems to be the demographic of LS mostly, at least.

[kaylan]

Whether it is intently malicious or not, selfish behavior hurts your partner.