bdash Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 For a long time I was very shy, too shy to really approach anyone. Ive recently broken out of this, and am stepping up my activity level. The problem is that I am 19 and have almost no idea what I am doing. So, to try and learn how to approach girls I have been hitting on lots of girls recently and trying to see what works and what doesn't. The problem is that everything I have tried doesn't work and nothing does. So I am hoping that I can run a general idea of what I do by you guys and get feedback on how to improve. At events I am at: parties, campus events, sports games (where you can talk to the people around you), etc. I will generally find a decently attractive girl and start a conversation with her about whatever event we are at (something along the lines of who do you know at the party, what do you think of the game so far, etc.) and talk with her a little about that. After that I will have the typical college small talk conversation with her about where she is from, what it is like there, what her major is, etc. I try to find some sort of commonality to talk about (ie similar home towns, interests, etc.) to talk about and steer the conversation in that direction. I generally ask a lot of questions and try to get the girl talking, rather than doing most of the talking myself. For about 2/3 of the girls, they look uninterested after about 5 min and we go our separate ways. For others, I can talk with them for a good 20 min and not have them get bored. For the last group I will ask for their number, wait a few days and ask them out via text. I don't make much physical contact when I am hitting on someone, maybe an occasional high five, but that is about it. (I tried making more contact once and did not get a positive result). I have tried this a fair amount, and have yet to get a yes. Any ideas where I am going wrong and how to improve?
ThaWholigan Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Reaching commonalities are a decent way to start off, but if they're losing interest you're probably talking to long. You wanna sprinkle your interactions rather than lay them on thick. Talk to her for a few mins, and then bail somewhere else. Then come back and continue where you left off. Also, if there's anything I'm glad I learned, it's how to use words to the best of my ability. Emotionally charged words, colored words that can make a woman visualize whatever it is you're talking about - it actually makes them intrigued. I learned this by accident when I was explaining synesthesia to a girl I knew. Research this if you can, be more illustrative in your speech - not dramatically so, but just to complement how you normally speak. Monitor your body language when you're talking to these women, you want to be open and relaxed. Don't be tense, or hold your drink up to your chest, or lean in too much when talking. Stay relaxed, not too aloof or you'll look like one of those "too cool for school" dudes that doesn't talk to anyone .
Author bdash Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 haha thanks for the tips. Im curious though, could you give me an example of the emotionally charged words youre talking about?
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