O'farrell Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Can someone describe them to me so I know what they are? And how to fix them?
ja123 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Well, you say that you suspect you might have some [intimacy issues]; so, what are they? Do you mean like you want a relationship? But you sabotage them, too?
Author O'farrell Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Well, you say that you suspect you might have some [intimacy issues]; so, what are they? Do you mean like you want a relationship? But you sabotage them, too? My mother was very over-controlling. I hate people. I love women, but I can't get intimate with them. Do not believe love is possible for me. Feel a little little ****ed up emotionally, like angry or something. Its whats stopped me from ever getting into a relationship. Its like I just crave sex and thats all it is for me. Women=sex objects Yes I know this is a totally wrong view but this is what they are to me. How does one fix all these things?
ja123 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Well, if your mother was over-controlling, then you'd naturally have ambivalent feelings towards her, which is normal. Yes, you wanted to love her as she's your mother and every kid wants to love his parent; but, then, how could you love her when you must have felt you hated her (or at the very least incredibly angry with her) because of her behaviour. It's no surprise, then that you're going to feel ambivalency towards women in general. Some other man might get involved with an over-controlling woman because subconsciously that's the only way he knows how to love based on his relationship with his over-controlling mother. The other route, which you've taken, is not to get emotionally involved at all. Too much risk, right? Treating people as sex objects de-humanizes them, and makes the situation less risky in the sense that your emotions don't get involved. But, you also miss out of the rewards of giving and receiving love with someone. But you know that. So, what to do about it? Well, there must be some books out there on the subject for starters. Then, I'd consider looking for a professional to talk to to help you work out these issues. By the way, I think it takes guts to admit to stuff like this. So, that's a big step. Good for you!
Author O'farrell Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Well, if your mother was over-controlling, then you'd naturally have ambivalent feelings towards her, which is normal. Yes, you wanted to love her as she's your mother and every kid wants to love his parent; but, then, how could you love her when you must have felt you hated her (or at the very least incredibly angry with her) because of her behaviour. It's no surprise, then that you're going to feel ambivalency towards women in general. Some other man might get involved with an over-controlling woman because subconsciously that's the only way he knows how to love based on his relationship with his over-controlling mother. The other route, which you've taken, is not to get emotionally involved at all. Too much risk, right? Treating people as sex objects de-humanizes them, and makes the situation less risky in the sense that your emotions don't get involved. But, you also miss out of the rewards of giving and receiving love with someone. But you know that. So, what to do about it? Well, there must be some books out there on the subject for starters. Then, I'd consider looking for a professional to talk to to help you work out these issues. By the way, I think it takes guts to admit to stuff like this. So, that's a big step. Good for you! Thanks! Will be grabbing some books at the library soon.
rocketman122 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Can someone describe them to me so I know what they are? And how to fix them? you do realize you have to have/be with a woman to have this issue, yes? HAHA I had to tease you with that hilarious "bang! scored my hottest girl so far" nonsense you posted. clicking on your "profile>find all threads started by you" and reading the topics, its obvious you have a huge self esteem issue and I think it might be best to talk with a therapist. not to put you down. I think you, amongst many here need to sort it out to get help. sorry to be honest but I think it shows through very clearly. the intimacy issue can be because you havent been with a woman for some time. I had performance issues when I first dated a woman after a 2 year break. by my choice, btw. I have no problem finding woman.
Author O'farrell Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 the intimacy issue can be because you havent been with a woman for some time. I had performance issues when I first dated a woman after a 2 year break. by my choice, btw. I have no problem finding woman. I was with a woman last week.
Recommended Posts