mitch conner Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 So I met and got to know the seemingly perfect woman at least on the surface. We have most everything in common other than one value, fidelity, and it's a deal breaker for me so I see no value in pursuing any romantic long term relationship. She has a boyfriend and continues to try to talk me into sexual relations and if I were 25 it would be impossible for me to say no. There is a unique connection we share, we have many similar experiences and agree on everything, literally finish each others sentences. I've been direct about it, I'm only interested in a long term relationship and the fact that she is trying to cheat on her current bf even though it is with me, mean's I'll never even consider having anything more than a purely platonic relationship with her. But she continues trying, I'm going to sever all communication with her tonight and just walk away. It's still hard though connections like this are fairly rare. I'd be happy just being friends but I won't allow this temptation in my life even though it is a hot piece of a. So I want to hear the opinions of others and how they handled situations like this. It's not changing my decision. Just curious though. 2
Titanwolf Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Nice to know men like you still exist. Respect dude. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 You're already accomplishing what many others cannot...to actually use your head instead of letting your emotions do all the decision making for you. It's very difficult, but look at it this way...you're avoiding a lot of potential issues and dramas not only by getting with someone who is still in a relationship but also the baggage she's going to carry onto the next. Coincidentally most people who cheat fear being cheated on more than just about anything, it's their lack of trust and faith that keeps them from investing further into one relationship in order to seek validation and comfort from outside of a relationship...therefore likely in the next relationship (If it were you) she'd be hyper insecure, have trust issues, and unless she had the control in the relationship would likely create problems within in it regardless of the actual circumstances. The fact that she's willing to cheat shows her boundaries, respect and values of a relationship and until she gets her mind back on track and realizes she has a lot of her own issues to fix then she's likely going to stay on a destructive path of push and pull relationships, high and lows. So you really do have to ask yourself if you wanted to be apart of that and I think you did. It's important to realize that there are many people out in the world, and in the beginning it always feels like there's so much to lose because you really can't gauge the relationship correctly and you don't know the person well. However once the relationship kicks into the six month you've realized a lot of other things you didn't know or couldn't consider before, and as time goes on and the facade fades and the real person comes out more and more you start to realize who you're really with. Some people are more transparent, open, and honest than others...however many have issues and it's a de-layering process....something you should consider in who you date for certain If you're looking for stability instead of miracles. You made a good choice, I can't blame you for not wanting to hit it...but is it worth the sacrifice and drama? there's someone else out that could give you what you need without the sacrifice and drama...at least not at that degree that's for sure. 6
ThaWholigan Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You definitely made the right choice - triangles are never good to be involved in. I have seen guys succumb to this temptation, sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly - but it always ended messily. Don't sweat the connection - chalk it up to bad timing if you want, but any girl that establishes connections such as these while in the presence of a relationship may suddenly find herself making new connection after she already switched. There are exceptions, but this is not a risk you should be willing to take in my honest and humble opinion. Take solace that you had the strength, and the mental fortitude to do the right thing. I nearly ended up a similar, albeit much less serious position to yours, and I chose not to follow up either.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Oh and another thing...she's not going to let you go easy, in fact she will take it to the next level to try and suck you in If she think you're worth it. She's not your friend, and she realizes the connection you two have and you will likely try to use that to convince you into whatever you're comfortable with. If you want nothing to progress then cut her off cold turkey, or you're a fool for thinking she's just going to settle for friends...she'll just buy herself time until you get comfortable again. But I think you know what's going on here
utterer of lies Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 But she continues trying, I'm going to sever all communication with her tonight and just walk away. It's still hard though connections like this are fairly rare. I'd be happy just being friends but I won't allow this temptation in my life even though it is a hot piece of a. I'll believe you want to do it. But I remain doubtful that you will manage it until you didn't have any contact with her for a few months. Oh, and if she does succeed in seducing you: please post here
Author mitch conner Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I'll believe you want to do it. But I remain doubtful that you will manage it until you didn't have any contact with her for a few months. Oh, and if she does succeed in seducing you: please post here Wish you could see the photos she's gotten through to me one way or another, since. So she's intensifying her efforts. I hope your wrong and I'm taking it one day at a time but I don't think she's ever lost at this. I've seen this happen to friends of mine in the past, and typically once she achieves victory it's usually in your face and she's gone. I'm considering joining AA and just using the word alcohol in place of her name.
weallfalldown Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 just think....if she can do this to her current bf....what cpuld she do to you, or anyone else?...........
utterer of lies Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Wish you could see the photos she's gotten through to me one way or another, since. So she's intensifying her efforts. I hope your wrong and I'm taking it one day at a time but I don't think she's ever lost at this. Photos, oh well. I thought it was seduction in real life.
todreaminblue Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 So I met and got to know the seemingly perfect woman at least on the surface. We have most everything in common other than one value, fidelity, and it's a deal breaker for me so I see no value in pursuing any romantic long term relationship. She has a boyfriend and continues to try to talk me into sexual relations and if I were 25 it would be impossible for me to say no. There is a unique connection we share, we have many similar experiences and agree on everything, literally finish each others sentences. I've been direct about it, I'm only interested in a long term relationship and the fact that she is trying to cheat on her current bf even though it is with me, mean's I'll never even consider having anything more than a purely platonic relationship with her. But she continues trying, I'm going to sever all communication with her tonight and just walk away. It's still hard though connections like this are fairly rare. I'd be happy just being friends but I won't allow this temptation in my life even though it is a hot piece of a. So I want to hear the opinions of others and how they handled situations like this. It's not changing my decision. Just curious though. Sounds like she is pretty mixed up i would walk away and you are doing the right thing by doing so.The thing that gets me here with your post is and this is my opinion you wan t a ltr but then you call her a hot piece of a.You also call her IT..."though it is a hot piece of a." ...you arent serious about this girl either because she is in a relationship..or you like her ass more than you like her you like IT..Distinct lack of respect though so walk away on your behalf it could be you dont respect her because she is being unfaithful.She is attached so yes walk away...this is my opinion by what you have written....deb
Author mitch conner Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Sounds like she is pretty mixed up i would walk away and you are doing the right thing by doing so.The thing that gets me here with your post is and this is my opinion you wan t a ltr but then you call her a hot piece of a.You also call her IT..."though it is a hot piece of a." ...you arent serious about this girl either because she is in a relationship..or you like her ass more than you like her you like IT..Distinct lack of respect though so walk away on your behalf it could be you dont respect her because she is being unfaithful.She is attached so yes walk away...this is my opinion by what you have written....deb You're exactly right physically she is every thing I have ever wanted. And like a decade in the past I dated solely on the premise of the sexual prowess that females exhibit, this is animistic. Well this one is a ****ing nuclear bomb in this area, and like an addict I find myself continually attempting to justify giving into my lust. I even catch myself saying maybe this time it will be different, maybe she really is the one, maybe if I give her what the both of us want it will last forever. I know full well sex is just another hit to her, and that I should not allow this to go further. Just the animistic part of my being finds it's difficult to deny spreading my dna to as many viable partners as possible. In truth the conscious me, real me the part that's not pure animal instinct, wants a female that's also my best friend. I'll do the best I can to not give into this temptation but really I can't make any promises. I know if I did give in and she chose to be in a relationship with me, she'll cheat, she'll find a new plaything. Just how many times have you gone to a car dealership and fantasized what it would feel like being behind the wheel of the car of you're dreams? Even if it is just a test drive. It's human nature to want what's on the other side of the fence. So I'll try to the best of my abilities to walk away, really don't know if I'm this strong though. When I said no I wanted the temptation to walk away and she just came back stronger. I like how you bluntly state the facts, we wouldn't have so many problems if we could see them ourselves. You are exactly right in your statement, I never realized this until I read what you wrote. So thanks, helps me put things into a more clear perspective. Being lonely as I am it's so easy to make mistakes and ignore all the warning signs.
snug.bunny Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 There is a unique connection we shareQUOTE] That's just your pee pee talking. You're entertaining the idea, just stop engaging with her.
JayL Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You are a true gentleman. You don't want women like this in your life, EVER! At the same time, you are saving yourself from getting butt raped by karma down the road. You are a great man with good morals and values, keep it up and one day, you will meet a woman that has the same connection, but will make you feel safe in a relationship. Keep it up! 1
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I've had quite a few guys who were attached or married proposition me. It seems very common for guys to do this. I wouldn't consider such a guy for a long-term relationship (or even a short-term one), so I can completely understand where you are coming from. It must be galling that you like her in lots of other respects but I think you are doing the right thing. Have you asked her why she thinks it's OK to cheat on her boyfriend?
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