ponette Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 in a relationship for almost 5 years, been having problems and moved out a few months ago. we were trying to work on the relationship. long story short, i got angry at him and withdrew. he did not and has not asked what the problem is. tired of feeling as though i do not matter, i have not volunteered any information. it seems whenever there is a problem, my partner avoids dealing with me. it has not always been this way, but it has been like this for almost a year. we have not spoken in almost a month, and after 5 years, i am surprised that he has not reached out to contact me, to find out what's going on or even to break it off properly. i can't believe that a 5 year relationship could end without a conversation..or anything. is he being really stubborn? does he not care? has he given up? i am not contacting him, because i think he expects that. i don't have a whole lot of hope right now. hard for me to believe that this would end without a word.
blue_jay_bird Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 It's pretty NORMAL for this to happen. Mine 7 year relationship ended out of the blue with a 15 min conversation (screaming match on my part). Why is always the question for the one LEFT BEHIND. is he being really stubborn? It's over for them, so no. does he not care? Yes, just not the way you want, or deserve. has he given up? Yes. This did not happen to them over night, as much as to looks like to you. Look back and you will see how they have been slowing moving away from you. How their feelings have been changing without you knowing. "but it has been like this for almost a year." Think of that a year is a lonnng time.
not-a-drive-by Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Why are you being stubborn? If you want this to work, take your pride away and contact him before it's too late. You might be able to salvage the relationship if you want or to clearly break it off. Either you or him needs to get off their high horse and contact the other person. He might be thinking the same thing as you. He might be waiting for you to contact him and asking himself all the same questions. When you do talk, surrender your information. Tell him what is bothering you. No use holding the information to yourself. He can't fix it if he doesn't know anything. After reading your post, I regret having the lack of communication skills with my ex. I held things in when things went wrong and it drove him crazy trying to figure things out. It's making me cry typing this out, I just regret it so so much, I wish there was another chance for me to show him I am willing to communicate. But I can't even tell me that now. 3
Sugarkane Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Happens all the time. Thought everything was fine. Then dumped out of the blue and never contacted again.
oracle Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Why are you being stubborn? If you want this to work, take your pride away and contact him before it's too late. You might be able to salvage the relationship if you want or to clearly break it off. Either you or him needs to get off their high horse and contact the other person. He might be thinking the same thing as you. He might be waiting for you to contact him and asking himself all the same questions. When you do talk, surrender your information. Tell him what is bothering you. No use holding the information to yourself. He can't fix it if he doesn't know anything. After reading your post, I regret having the lack of communication skills with my ex. I held things in when things went wrong and it drove him crazy trying to figure things out. It's making me cry typing this out, I just regret it so so much, I wish there was another chance for me to show him I am willing to communicate. But I can't even tell me that now. I agree with drive-by. I have no sympathy for you if you are not volunteering information. Let me play the devils advocate (I don't know either of you and theres always two sides) But if you act in a similar manner usually, then maybe hes just sick and tired of the scenario. Some people can be their own worst enemy. 1
Author ponette Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 thanks to all for responding, especially drive-by and oracle. i think you are both right about a few things. the problem is that this man (in his mid 50s and i in late 30s) stops listening whenever i get angry. the last time i lost my temper with him when teling him how he's hurt me, he laughed-because, according to him, my feelings weren't based on 'anything real'. this sort of response doesn't exactly lend itself to good communication. this time, however, when i got upset, i did not scream and yell. i just shut down and withdrew, too angry to talk. i know this wasn't right, but i'm so tired of my feelings not being taken seriously. he never cared enough to ask what was wrong, and i never said. now it has been a lmost a month of nothing, and have no choice but to imagine it's over. i just never thought he would b e the sort of person to let it go without a word. i'm tired of being hurt. i think he expects me to cry and beg as i had done once in the past, but i won't this time. i can't. i have to show him that i am not some weakling. i wonder if he will miss me or if he wonders what i am doing. my guess at this point is no, as i have heard nothing.
Author ponette Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) ...and it wasn't always like this. last 10 months between us have not been easy. Edited September 9, 2012 by ponette
Author ponette Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 i feel so awful right now, so hopeless. i guess i must accept that he does not care and is not going to talk to me again.
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 ...and it wasn't always like this. last 10 months between us have not been easy. Then its time to go... Life is to short to be caught up in an un-easy situation. Find your strength and happiness on your own, never have it hinged on anyone else.
Author ponette Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) this is the longest we've ever gone without talking, and i haven't even gotten a proper breakup. Edited September 10, 2012 by ponette
Author ponette Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 i keep hoping for some more opinions and advice here. i'm feeling pretty terrible and weak today. i guess i've been doing 'no contact' for this last month. my boyfriend of 5 years hurt me, and once again is not showing interest in what the problem is. i am sick of feeling like my feelings don't count, so i've withdrawn for this last month. i have heard nothing. we haven't had any sort of final 'it's over' breakup conversation, and although messy and unfinished, it feels painfully over to me. is this how 5 years ends? with no word? nothing? i feel even worse when i read about others doing NC and they're sad because they heard somethng from their ex. i WISH i'd hear something. i honestly never thought he would be this much of a jerk. please help. i need support right now. thanks.
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 this is the longest we've ever gone without talking, and i haven't even gotten a proper breakup. Then take the initiate. Make it a proper break-up
Recommended Posts