gena Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Hi~ This is my first post. I have been married for 20 years ( I am 41) . I was involved with a MM for almost two years . The only contact we had was through email, no phone calls. He was my ex boyfriend from HS and we got in touch with again through facebook. We both weren't getting much attention from our spouses at home (excuses I know) and we brought back the 'old HS feelings". In the end, things didn't work out with us. He would disappear for weeks after emailing on a daily basis, multiple times a day and then he was just gone. After looking at his wife's facebook page, I would see that she posted pictures of them going on on vacations at that time. He lied and said that he didn't love her and that she was leaving soon. When he would disappear and come back he would say he was too busy to send me an email...Around August of last year he said that she was going to rehab finally and he was going to try to be there for her. I realized that we were using each other and agreed to end it. Less than a month later all of a sudden he started commenting on her photos telling her he loved her so much, he would post pictures on her wall (that I would see on my news feed since her wall was public), with hearts, saying he loved her, dedicating songs to 'his beautiful woman'. He posted a picture with her hugging him , him looking right at the camera, with the caption, "my honey is home again, in my heart life is sooo good" ..this was less than a month after telling me he can't stand to be in the same room with her and that he wishes he could be with me, he just feels so 'stuck' right now. Ironically this is the only picture he kept public since I unfriended him, the rest after that have been private . All of his constant professions of love on facebook to his wife lead me to unfriend him on facebook. He never did that before and it almost felt like a slap in the face to me, almost like he wanted me to see it. So, for over a year now, I would look at his page almost everyday and his wife's page as well. her settings are public so I would see the updated pictures of them going on vacation or whatever. I have to say it didn't really bother me , but I couldn't seem to stop looking. Last night I was feeling ...something...and ALMOST sent an email to the xMM. I think it was just my ego , wondering, if I sent this would he respond back? I found this site by accident and have been reading so many posts and it helped so much. I did NOT send the email and today I blocked him on facebook so I wont be tempted to look at his page. I have his brother on my friend's list. I wonder should I delete and block him too? We all knew each other in HS , but I don't talk to his brother at all, I am positive he wouldn't notice I deleted him. I just thought that would be something I should do in case xMM asks his brother if he is deleted as well...also , would MM wife know if I blocked her? I am not totally sure how facebook works, but I want to be able to not see anything to do with xMM.
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 "Facebook" is like a sharp knife that either serves us or cuts us, dependent on whether we grasp it by the handle or the blade....
Author gena Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Very true. I learned my lesson and just want to have no reminders of any of it.
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Then you've answered your own question, hun. 1
Author gena Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Thank you , LFH ~ that helps a lot
Author gena Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 I just blocked his brother and his wife. I blocked him an hour or so ago. I was a little nervous that I might accidentally click the 'add friend' button on his wife's page, but I found the place to click on block. I feel MUCH better now ~ 1
gullibleme Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I know how you feel I blocked my ex just because I don't want to see ANYTHING from him....to help me move on...don't know if he even knows it...don't really care but I really struggle with blocking his niece or brother and a friend of his. I don't want to be rude they are nice people but no longer part of my life as I see it yet it's hard to do. I remember my ex talking and laughing about how his ex wife deleted and unfriended everyone and they were all like it's her loss...now she has healed and wants to be friends with them they don't want to friend her again. It's sad she is treated this way I feel for her and I now see him for what he was...an ASS!! I'm glad I am moving on!
Author gena Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 I think the blocking helps so much in moving on. I don't really miss him , it was more just the conversations we had. Maybe I am bored again, I don't know. I know that by not having the means to see his page (or his wife's) , that will help me move on completely. Our favorite TV show is going to be back on again soon and that made me think about how much we enjoyed emailing about it and discussing what happened. Those are the things I miss, the friendship. But it was totally wrong, and we were using each other for the wrong reasons.
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Block them all. And no, facebook doesn't notify anybody that they've been blocked. Focus on your marriage and try to reconnect with your husband. If you put that same energy into your marriage instead of your old crush/exhs bf, your marriage could be better. Figure out why you're unhappy and talk to your husband. Forget the exhs bf, and his wife. He obviously was in it for an ego feed..And all the more reason (ego related) NOT to email him to see if he'll email you back. Stop playing a game, it's not right.
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I think the blocking helps so much in moving on. I don't really miss him , it was more just the conversations we had. Maybe I am bored again, I don't know. I know that by not having the means to see his page (or his wife's) , that will help me move on completely. Our favorite TV show is going to be back on again soon and that made me think about how much we enjoyed emailing about it and discussing what happened. Those are the things I miss, the friendship. But it was totally wrong, and we were using each other for the wrong reasons. Figure out why you need this attention. What needs at home aren't being met by your husband and talk to him. Fix things so you won't feel the need to reach out to other men (ex bf or anybody else) to gain attention and fun conversation. Focus on your women friends in your life. Bond with them. Glad you see that the friendship was wrong.
Author gena Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Block them all. And no, facebook doesn't notify anybody that they've been blocked. Focus on your marriage and try to reconnect with your husband. If you put that same energy into your marriage instead of your old crush/exhs bf, your marriage could be better. Figure out why you're unhappy and talk to your husband. Forget the exhs bf, and his wife. He obviously was in it for an ego feed..And all the more reason (ego related) NOT to email him to see if he'll email you back. Stop playing a game, it's not right. you are very right whichwayisup, I need to focus on putting all of my energy into my marriage. This mistake I made with my ex (and other exes) will never happen again. I think my ex and I were both in it for the ego boost. I am glad I didn't make the mistake of emailing him and found this forum instead! 3
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