Da Lonely 1 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Hi, all. I met my now ex-girlfriend, back in 2005. I had to do unpaid work in a charity shop as part of a course. My GF (Laura) was 19 then and so was I. She asked me out and we had a good first day. After that day though, her friends would annoy me whenever I went to her house. It's actually unusual in my opinion to ask a random guy out on day 1, but she did. I never had a GF before I met her and I've only had one other GF since. After about a month and a bit, I left my GF because all she seemed to do was talk about money and her friends kept harassing me, calling me names, etc. The last straw was when she invited me up, claiming her mates were grounded. Of course, I arrived to see otherwise. So I just left. We never argued, said goodbye, nothing. She got on a bus with me to go somewhere else and that was that. After a hell of a bad year in 2006 in regards to my mental health, I went back to see Laura in 2007 because I plucked up the courage to go back, even though all that time had passed since I was with her. She was not there and then I felt really lonesome and empty. Since she wasn't a member of social media sites like Facebook or that at the time, it was next to impossible to locate her, but I kept trying. In 2007, I had legal issues to deal with relating to an incident and I also was getting tests done to see if I had autism, because I went to see a doctor and when I explained my previous failed alliances and jobs, he seemed to know I had the condition. I got diagnosed as having PDD-NOS after a while and then started getting outreach support from Autism Initiatives (UK) in 2008. Also in 2008, I put up postings on Gumtree (the eBay owned classified advertisements site) and then people started sending me horrible messages. Then a lady responded, claiming to be a former neighbor of my ex, saying she's not had an easy life and seemingly giving me 'tips' on how to maybe find her. Then someone else started contacting me, pretending he was her boyfriend. I'm very sure he was an older support worker I used to have shifts with, because he had a habit of mentioning songs by The Smiths and using my support person's name. It wasn't until he slipped up in 2010 that I found out it was him, because he was a little drunk and repeated some stuff about how I should listen to The World Won't Listen. Then he left not that long after that, so I never found out if it was really him, but I'm certain it was his doing. Anyway, I found that neighbor as well as her family on sites like Facebook and Bebo after a lot of searching. But they all claimed she didn't want to know, that she had someone else, etc. It wasn't until 2011 that I found Laura on Facebook. She finally responded to my PM in March this year and we met up, but she said nobody let her know I was looking for her. Somehow, I convinced her to leave her unpleasant sounding BF and be with me, so she went along with it. I went to meet her family during the first weekend we were dating and they appeared to be hammered, and her mother's partner insulted me for wearing glasses. About a week later, we were in a pool hall because I had an important snooker match to take part in. At first she appeared to be enjoying herself, then after we strayed away from the others in my autism group who were there too, she went on and on about how I promised to buy her an iPod. She muttered something about it not being a good idea getting back in touch. And because I was so afraid of losing her again, I used my allowance money to buy her the iPod. I had to take out my money at an ATM before midnight, as I pay my bills from my bank, so there wouldn't have been enough money to cover the cost. I had to take the iPod out on credit anyway, as it turned out I did not have quite enough cash to pay for it that way. Then I spent the money on other stuff. When she saw it, her face lit up like fairy lights. Unfortunately for myself, I lost my DLA because the claim expired and in order to reclaim it, I had to receive new forms in the post and fill them out, and send them off, to await a decision. I only just managed to pay the iPod up within the 3 month agreement using my regular benefit, but it meant I had to borrow money from my family, which ended up being more than the cost of the iPod itself. In that 3 months though, she blew hot and cold every single time we were together. She dumped me, continued to see her former BF and made out she wanted to be single and still be friends with me, and this other guy. Meanwhile, I tried to have sex with her now and then, but I was unable to get an erection and I made myself look like a moron. We didn't use protection, because I don't like it and I had planned to get her pregnant. Shortly there after, she started to go on about STDs. Apparently, she'd been tested before and wanted to get tested again. When I asked her why, she just said it was because she wanted to. This made me think she was still sleeping with her ex, Matt. Not only that... I'd ring her up, to say I was on my way down. She'd be like okay, see you soon. But when I get there 40 minutes to an hour later, her sister would say she'd left. We also once went along the Union Canal in Edinburgh for a walk and when she needed the toilet, she asked me to wait somewhere until she come right back, but she never did come back. Her excuse was that she fell asleep. I didn't believe that. My support workers were aware of how unhappy I was with her and she refused to be around me when they were due to work with me, but it could have also been because they have rules about it being 1 to 1 support. Furthermore, she refused to be near my parents' house if I required a loan. She would also lie when it come to her ex. When we were on a bus one night, she would say she was meeting her sister, even though none of her sisters live near where she was headed. Yeah, but her ex does. She also broke her iPod and I paid to have it repaired. She broke it by putting the charger in the wrong way and she also broke one of my controller ports on my Xbox 360 in the same way, because she mistook it as a USB socket. I got her birthday gifts (a lot of gifts I knew she'd love) and she didn't want to wait till her birthday to receive them. At the time of purchasing the presents, I reckon it was only something like a fortnight away till her birthday, but she couldn't be bothered to wait. I finally had enough of her nonsense in June. I guessed her password on Facebook and told everyone (via her profile) what an ungrateful gold digger of a user she was, but no one cared. After that, I got made out to be the big bad wolf. She didn't wanna know me. While we were apart, I got my DLA back and a cheque for a tax refund. This meant I was sort of better off. It put me back on my feet. I paid off my debt and the rest of the dough went to treating myself on an escort, my films and records. It felt good to do that after being her stepping stone. When I called her home, she threatened to have the police arrest me. Then after I told her about my DLA, she offered me tea. I kid you not. Then the last weeks of our rocky 'relationship' were her saying she was with her ex, then not with him, etc. I got her songs on iTunes to cheer her up and some DVDs, too. It seemed like we were happy again. But after I called her landline phone one day to ask to see her, she said that she didn't want to see me again and when I went up to her flat to talk things over with her, I was refused entry. She shouted lots of disgusting remarks from her window and said I made her life hell, that I should go back down the road where I belong, among other things. But she eventually said I'd done nothing wrong and the last time I called her, which was only a few days ago, she told me that she didn't want lads in her life anymore. In some sad way, I think this anguish was self-inflicted, because I sought out a person who would screw me over time and time again. Yet ever since I've known her, I've denied her behaving badly at every turn. I'm sure she has a mental disorder and it's really out of my league. I'm not trying to make excuses for the way she is, but I am not gonna get very far telling her I love her. My social worker and key worker have known me for years now and all I ever seemed to talk about was Laura and things that happened to me on the internet. They said that I should see this as a chance to move on in life, but I don't want to lose her. I keep thinking that if I become some sort of celebrity eventually, she'll want me back then, so I'm trying to get into acting roles so I can make her happy and want me. My mother said to me for several years that I was just a convenience to her when she saw me that first day in 2005, that she was a money grabber and more. I was fed up hearing it, but now I think she had a point. Still...I love this woman and want to help her get over her obvious issues. She has broken my heart by saying she doesn't love me and she's toyed with my emotions by being manipulative. It's not fair, but I still love her dearly. Edited September 8, 2012 by Da Lonely 1 Added a bit more stuff.
kae Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Maybe youre young still.. just move on and never let it happen again. OK!! Edited September 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) PDD-NOS. Take it easy, people..... Edited September 8, 2012 by TaraMaiden
William Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Sorry about that, thread starter. LS can be an interesting and sometimes unfriendly place. Please continue. 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 DA Lonely 1, I'm not really quite sure what you're asking or telling us here. I realise you may have feelings for her, but really, listen to your mum. This woman, no matter how much affection you may have for her, is really rather bad for you. She's toxic and sounds, from what you say, to be a bit of a gold-digger. Keep your own counsel, and be a bit more private about your feelings. Being too open can sometimes be a disadvantage. 1
beyond Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 DL, it all sounds quite a mess. I think you should listen to your mother, social worker and key worker who can see this girl is no good for you. It's hard when you love someone to let them go, but you have to think of yourself too and be around people who treat you well. xx 1
beyond Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 DA Lonely 1, I'm not really quite sure what you're asking or telling us here. I realise you may have feelings for her, but really, listen to your mum. This woman, no matter how much affection you may have for her, is really rather bad for you. She's toxic and sounds, from what you say, to be a bit of a gold-digger. Keep your own counsel, and be a bit more private about your feelings. Being too open can sometimes be a disadvantage. Ah, posted before I saw this TM. DL - Please listen to your mum, they are usually right!
Author Da Lonely 1 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I know she's right, but no-one deserves to be treated like garbage and when you try so hard too, it is a huge slap in the face. But I guess I did chase her, so it's my fault for allowing it to continue.
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Unfortunately, you've started a situation in dating with a woman who really took advantage. But there are some really great ones out there - who won't treat you that way. be open, and just enjoy life. It's all we have, so might as well have a pleasant ride! 1
Author Da Lonely 1 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 She's went back to her boyfriend again anyway. She only come back to get money I had back dated to me. Once she found out I didn't have any left for her, she abandoned me again. I've tried calling her house to get silence or yelled at.
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