Buttercup84 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 As some of you might know , a little while back I posted here saying how well I was doing. And I was. I was not thinking of him , I was out with my friends , finished my studying and went to the gym nearly every day. Then things kind of went to ****. I was doing kickboxing and suddenly couldn't breathe and felt like fainting. But I am stubborn and refused to stop until the class ended. Well since then my breathing has been bad and I have been sent for tests etc. So for months I have not been to the gym as I am scared I will get worse. Then I had to stay overnight with a friend who had a total mental breakdown, she almost burned the place down when I was asleep,she hears voices and thought she was going to die. Then my aunt went to hospital, and when I visited her I get a call saying my dad is in emergency as my mum found him collapsed at home.He is already older so it happens a lot now. THEN I get an email from my ex . X contacted me four months before and wrote me a long email declaring his love for me and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He changed his mind the next day and said it was all in my head basically. It set me back for maybe a few days but I saw my therapist and got so well, that I didn't see her for a while and didn't even think about it. Him doing that made me see him in a different light. But my therapist had to stop working Saturdays and because of work I could not see her during the week.But I was fine. Well until I was stupid enough to meet my ex. When he contacted me I was perfect. Very happy and doing great.He basically said the same thing that he misses me so much and is so sorry for what he had done. And that he wants to be with me again and losing me was the biggest mistake. Unlike last time , I did not fall all over him and act so delighted. I was just casual with him and said that what he did was very low and I do not trust him. But he even called , was very nice on the phone etc. But he moved across the country when we broke up. I never wanted to come back on here to say this as I was embarrassed of what I had done. But here it goes. After talking for a few weeks I agreed to see him as he was still keen. Sending me flirty texts,calling me and texting me as soon as he got up.He paid for the hotel and flight . I would have not paid myself or met him if he lived in Sydney still. I thought , he is paying $1000 to see me , he must be serious. When I got there it was nice.He was sweet and affectionate and we had a nice time. But the second day I got really sick with something and could not even drink water. He took me around his city and I spent most of the time throwing up. He did not touch me , and he got upset with me for not trying to enjoy myself and he never asked me if I wanted to go back. He did take me to the dr but was cold towards me the whole time and when I asked why , he said it is because I never listen to him.If I drank water I would not be sick. But he did not care for it when I said I felt sick when I drank. He left me in the hotel room to go back to his place that he shared with a girl. He said she has a boyfriend , but it was strange that the signed with " xx " in their texts, she took him to a wedding and they have a picture of them fishing together.Framed.. He got defensive when I mentioned that.Apparently I was paranoid. I got better but when I asked him if he wanted some of my dinner he got angry because I couldn't finish it ( something he did a lot when we were dating ) He also made fun of my coat , commented on my sleepwear and my dry skin. He refused to talk about what would happen when I got back and when I got back he hardly spoke to me. He said he wanted to try but all I got was two texts a day and one Sunday he was supposed to call but I did not hear from him all day.He ignored my calls and texts and he later said he was hanging with his flatmate. another day he was going to call but did not because he was meeting a friend. even though we arranged it . After being ignored all the time I got anxiety and depressed.I confronted him and he finally said that he says it is too hard and I bring too much drama. I tried calling but he hung up and said his room mates parents arrived and he would call tomorrow. I said do not bother. And that was that. It messed me up BIG time and I could not believe I let him do it again. I thought, he would never do that a second time , right ? he even said that it will never happen again My ex was emotionally abusive towards me in the relationship and I got that confirmed by many professionals. It has been almost two months since then but I am doing better. I am no longer seeing it through rose tinted glasses and he disgusts me. I am seeing my therapist again in a few weeks. I am not back because I need to get over him. I am back as I need to get over a abusive relationship. When I am with him, I become weak and pathetic. I crumble and that strong woman is gone. I realized getting over an abusive relationship is not something that happens within a year. I went through a lot with him and I need to build up that self esteem so that I do not let that happen ever again. Judge me if you want , I am not a victim , I am rebuilding myself again.
ladyabstrused Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I guess in a way I can relate with my previous relationship. Like you, my self-esteem was crushed. For some reason I'd feel so weakened and powerless around my ex. After the break up and strict NC, I've been doing better and like you too, been trying to get my esteem back. I really hope things get better for you soon. It's always hard when you get out of something that has caused you misery. Good luck with the rebuilding. I agree that we're not exactly victims, I'd like to see it as a terrible experience to learn from. Take care of yourself, Buttercup. All the best.
geegirl Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I hope this is what you truly needed to realize it/hewill never change. 1
Sugarkane Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) You deserve so much better than this abusive guy Buttercup. You deserve to be happy. I hope you cut this guy right off. He insults you, but is he perfect? What are his flaws? I doubt his $hit doesn't stink. Edited September 9, 2012 by Sugarkane 1
Author Buttercup84 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Thank you everyone . I just need to stop overthinking things. x
CopingGal Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Hello Dear, I'm glad to hear from you again, but wish it was under better circumstances. Let me give you some advice, something that I learned. When you ex is so dysfunctional that he is abusive...just stay away. They can say they changed, they can pretend that they have changed, but if they are as dysfunctional as your ex and my ex are, no matter what you do, you can't fix the situation. I found out the hard way. You can lavish them with compassion, kindness, and patience. You can give them 101 second chances. You can stand on your head. Anything. Everything. Nothing. They will still be the same, abusive, f-up bastards that they were in the relationship, no matter what you do. Because, it is THEIR dysfunction, not yours, not mine. I don't engage in any, and I mean any conversations with my ex. That bastard moved back to my town and I refuse to contact him. It's hard knowing that he is here and I cried a lot, but I refuse to connect with this prick on any level. Honey, your ex is a creep. You know it. I know it. We all know it. He's a creep and you need to leave him alone...no matter what he says. He's sick and dysfunctional and no amount of patience on your part will cure him. Take care, babe.
msfreebyme Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I could never judge you dear. I went through a 3 year emotionally abusive relationship. I was just laughing at how bad of a show he puts on. I mean you could even see at least in a way what he was doing or saying. I understand what happens when the emotional abuse happens. You just all of the sudden feel powerless to say anything against his words. We all have our moments of weakness and setbacks. Kind of like kicking a drug. I know I have had mine before. I am just glad you didn't sink back in. I am sorry you went through that. =(
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