threebyfate Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Be honest here. The guys that come on here looking for help getting dates aren't really ever going to get those dates. It's like encouraging the 5'2" guy in his goal of getting to the NBA. If you're a guy and you're over 21 and still single, you are a loser of epic proportions (unless we're talking austistic people or whatever). Being a good sport isn't going to change that. If you're going to spend your whole life single, might as well have some fun stereotyping and being misogynistic (if that's what floats your boat).That's ridiculous. Perhaps that's the way you view life and believe so but if you look outside the basement window, you'll see many couples walking by who aren't model material or even attractive by any objective superficial standards. But the commonality will be that they're relatively upbeat people, content with their lives and accepting of who they are within reason. The commonality with a lot of singles is the search for perfection to offset their own insecurities, since they're looking for a partner to compensate, to make them happy. Hell of burden. Who wants an emotional vampire for a partner? Exhausting.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 That's ridiculous. Perhaps that's the way you view life and believe so but if you look outside the basement window, you'll see many couples walking by who aren't model material or even attractive by any objective superficial standards. But the commonality will be that they're relatively upbeat people, content with their lives and accepting of who they are within reason. The commonality with a lot of singles is the search for perfection to offset their own insecurities, since they're looking for a partner to compensate, to make them happy. Hell of burden. Who wants an emotional vampire for a partner? Exhausting. Who said anything about being "model material" or "attractive"? I've never said that. It's about having confidence and swagger, that natural kind that comes from your biological makeup. You either have it or you don't. Men and women are subconsciously attracted to certain types of individuals. It's basic evolutionary biology.
threebyfate Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Who said anything about being "model material" or "attractive"? I've never said that. It's about having confidence and swagger, that natural kind that comes from your biological makeup. You either have it or you don't. Men and women are subconsciously attracted to certain types of individuals. It's basic evolutionary biology.You're of the belief that people can't change. I'm of the belief that people can. Sounds like never the 'twain shall meet. But...try reading this. Perhaps it might shed some light onto change. I suspect that irc might gain something from the link too, if he's willing to open his mind up beyond fixating on imaginary women and all their imaginary flaws. 1
Badsingularity Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 It's about having confidence and swagger, that natural kind that comes from your biological makeup. You either have it or you don't. Wrong. A guy can go from having a very low selfesteem and being very shy to having great confidence and being charasmatic. He has to be determined and have an attitude that he will succeed in his goals and put in years of learning and work on himself. Also, what you said about a guy being a loser because he still single and over 21 is not true. 1
Anela Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Who said anything about being "model material" or "attractive"? I've never said that. It's about having confidence and swagger, that natural kind that comes from your biological makeup. You either have it or you don't. Men and women are subconsciously attracted to certain types of individuals. It's basic evolutionary biology. I had it, before I dealt with certain things. The change in me was remarkable, in a bad way - what I was like when I was a certain age, compared to just a year or two later. I was confident, I was pretty, I was comfortable with boys, I only had one big fear. No social anxiety whatsoever. And that all changed. It can change for the better, too. I had that base of confidence, but couldn't connect to it again. Every so often, I do, but it made no real difference in my life for *years*. I still struggle. I would go into a few attractions of my own, but I'm tired of being told that I'm an exception so I don't count (aka: a freak). I'm also tired of being called a liar, because women supposedly have it so much easier. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I had it, before I dealt with certain things. The change in me was remarkable, in a bad way - what I was like when I was a certain age, compared to just a year or two later. I was confident, I was pretty, I was comfortable with boys, I only had one big fear. No social anxiety whatsoever. And that all changed. It can change for the better, too. I had that base of confidence, but couldn't connect to it again. Every so often, I do, but it made no real difference in my life for *years*. I still struggle. I would go into a few attractions of my own, but I'm tired of being told that I'm an exception so I don't count (aka: a freak). I'm also tired of being called a liar, because women supposedly have it so much easier. I've never said that women have it easier than men. I've always maintained that the average woman (that I'm trying to date) is on a higher social level than I am. So women have power over me not men overall. Wrong. A guy can go from having a very low selfesteem and being very shy to having great confidence and being charasmatic. He has to be determined and have an attitude that he will succeed in his goals and put in years of learning and work on himself. Also, what you said about a guy being a loser because he still single and over 21 is not true. I don't think it's necessarily low self esteem and shyness. We all know shy people or socially awkward people or people with no self esteem who get dates and get into relationships. Many even on accident. I know quite a few off the top of my head. I think the problem is subconscious (on both the person and those he or she is trying ot attract) and it makes others feel uneasy around them. I don't think it's a problem that can be fixed, and I've never seen any evidence that it can be. Even threebyfate's little neuroplasticity link wasn't about evolutionary reproductive/attraction biology but rather in a more general sense.
Badsingularity Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) I don't think it's a problem that can be fixed, and I've never seen any evidence that it can be I am evidence that it can be fixed. I used to not be able to attract women at all. They felt uneasy around me because I was socially awkward, had low self esteem, and was somewhat bitter about the fact that I couldn't get a gf. I was in my early 20's when this was going on. I had never even had a kiss. I was able to slowly over the years figure out what was wrong and fix it. I'm married now and before I got married I had no problem attracting women and because of the way I was able to turn it all around I understand for the most part what is it that attracts women and causes a man to be attractive. So I know what is wrong and what you can do to help fix it. The first thing you have to do is open your mind to the possiblity that IT IS something you can fix. Edited September 8, 2012 by Badsingularity 2
Anela Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 The first thing you have to do is open your mind to the possiblity that IT IS something you can fix. Yep. I still struggle with this at times. I knew that it was a learned behaviour for me, but it was/has been so ingrained that it can feel like things will never be better. On good days, I know they can be. 1
Imajerk17 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Well, I asked her out just after the party and she agreed to it, now they days are getting closer and shes' been responding to my emails, but she responding in a way like, "Hey, I got your email, I decided to text you, but I'll return it on Facebook with a proper answer." And then she said, "Well, I have 2 days off, and I have no excuse to not give you an answer." This is day 2 of her 2 days off, and she's as of yet return my message, so I just no called her and left her a message on her voicemail. I almost said, jokingly 'Well, it's day 2, got on excuse? lol"? Funny how it works out for me, Boy meets girl Boy asks girl out on a date, girl agrees to the date Date gets closer, and all of a sudden they go into hiding. Story of my dating life. We'll see, day aint over yet. By "after the party" do you mean after the party which the two of you met for the first time at, or the party which you invited her to?
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