My fault, but I still want her back.

[sneakerlover]

Hi guys, my girlfriend and I broke up yesterday, 2 days before our first year anniversary of dating. It was my first relationship. When we started dating, things were cool. We started out as friends, but we already have sparks for each other. Then we go on dates and we soon were in a relationship. Over the months, we've arguments. During our first few months, about the 3rd-4th months, it was a little unsteady. Every time we have some arguments, it gets hectic and since she's young(19yo), she behaves like one. Saying that she could take it anymore and I will have to talk her out of it. Not complaining because mostly it's my fault. I was inexperience, it's my first relationship. After we hit the 6th months mark, things soon became more steady. Even when we have a slight argument, we still could fix things in a proper manner.

 

She's young so she sometimes likes to wear outfit which are a little bit too revealing, and I didn't like it. We had a fight over it once but we got it settled. I was worried for her safety because in our community, it's just not safe. I could see that she wears those outfits less, but sometimes only when she's out with me. It's not like I dislike the fact that she wears them, but I just don't like other guys looking at her in a lustful way. Maybe it's just me.

 

So we spent almost everyday together, whether going out for movies and dates, or just a simple meal and conversation. We were pretty much around each other. She also calls me every night, because she has a phone plan which has the benefits of free call to a few numbers.

 

But 3 months ago, things were a little different. She started working because she was waiting for her uni application while I went back to college. We soon got adjusted to it. We made sure to go out on a proper date at least once a week, on wednesday. But we still do meet each other during other activities about 2-3 times more a week, but it couldn't be considered a date. It did work out. Initially, I do fetch her to work sometimes, but mostly I pick her up from work. But because I went back to college, I don't have much of an allowance, therefore she says that there's no need pick her up from work, to save money. I said ok. She's the type who like to befriend guys over girls, because she feels that guys are easier to talk to and less judgmental than girls. There's a male colleague who picks her up to and from work, it was sort of on the way for him. I'm not speculating anything between them, because I believe that he's just a colleague and I trust my girlfriend. She still calls me every night to talk. Some times we have less to talk, sometimes more.

 

Recently, I don't know what happened. Maybe it's because she's in her transition age. We do have sex and both of us thoroughly enjoy it. In my car, her place, my place, we were attached physically and emotionally. When we first have sex, every thing was good, but then about 2 months ago, she doesn't want me to give her oral. She says it was dirty, scientifically, with the urine and stuff. But she do wash after going to the toilet. I was confused then, but I accepted it. Then she have a change of heart. I'm not too sure if it's a sudden change or she has been thinking about it. She broke the news that she doesn't want to have sex anymore. No means no, no more touching too. But she sometimes squeeze my butt playfully, so I sometimes touch her too, playfully.

 

But then about 10 days ago, she broke down and says that she dislikes the fact that I still touch her when she already clearly said no. I was confused again, and I explain it to her that it was in a playful manner. She says she was really uncomfortable with it. And that she's been intentionally putting a distance between us (I realized it) and she needs some space. Just not be in contact while she recovers. This is where I screwed up.

 

On the first day of her space and time which was the next day, I went to her place after her work, to pass her a letter I wrote, explaining how I felt, sorry and stuff. But she refuses it. But she pulled me close to her, wanting a kiss on her forehead. So I went back, didn't contact her the following day, giving her time. We met up again the next day because I have an appointment with an agent from a uni. Both of us were thinking to go to the same uni to further our studies. I held her hand saying I was not used to not holding her hand. She was ok with it seeing that she had a slight smile on her. But the next day this is where I really screwed up. We was to go out with her colleagues. I was excited to tell her that my parents agreed for me to go to the uni and I've been wanting to tell her since yesterday. But she was having supper with her friends and was back late, so I didn't want to disturb her since it was late. So I called her the next morning, she didn't pick up. after about 20mins she texted me saying she was bathing and out now. I thought she was out of the bath but she meant out with her friends/colleagues. So when I called her the second time, she didn't answer, I texted her asking if she was busy. She texted back saying no, she was eating and the sound of the rain and them talking covered the ringtone. Then I called her again later in the evening, but she didn't pick again. I being frustrated texted her asking is it that hard for us to talk. Then I proceed to text her what I wanted to say to her. Then she replied saying there wasn't any coverage in the place she was in but her phone rang before I go into voicemail. We went on arguing and she finally called and ask why cant I just let her be happy going out with her friends and we really need to talk.

 

So I didn't contact her the next day and the following day which was yesterday. My mom texted saying she cooked dinner and ask if my girlfriend wants to come along. I took this opportunity to text my girlfriend asking if she would like, no pressure. She said ok and we need to talk. I met her after my class. I knew it was over when I said maybe she could start first, but she said it wouldn't be appropriate because she's the one who ending it. So I told her I've had my mind cleared, and I know what I was wrong at. But she said she cannot tolerate anymore because she felt confined in a my cage. That when a bird is out of its cage, it won't come back. It might fly pass you one day. And if anything were to happen between us next time, it will have to start from being friends. The spark she felt was gone. And the more I beg and ask for another chance, the more I hold on to her, the more it makes her want to get away from me. She hopes that we could still be friends and not let things end ugly. That's what she said.

 

We broke up, and are back to being friends. We could joke around right after that like how we first met each other. Though I'm thankful for this, but I have not given up yet. I still want her back. My questions is, how should go about it? What should I do? She's no longer putting a distance, she replies my texts. There are things which I want to ask her but not sure if I should. I really hope I could get back with her. And maybe it's my pride, I don't want her to be with another guy until that happens.

 

Please help. Sorry for the long post.

 

One thing to add is we will be seeing each other about once or twice a week. It's an activity we do with in our community.

Edited September 8, 2012 by sneakerlover

[salmagundi]

Sorry about what's happening to you here. I'm responding because One thing we have in common is the fact that towards the end of my last relationship, my girlfriend stopped wanting to have sex. We could kiss and whatnot but no sex.

 

This is bad news.

 

For me, it started when I got back from a two month stint working in the bush. I met up with her expecting to burn our bedroom down (I'd gone two months, it was hell). But she froze me out, said that she didn't want to have sex for the time being.

 

I finally got the reason out of her. She had cheated on me while I was in bush camp. You see, now she had divided loyalties so to keep her cognitive dissonance under control she didn't want to sleep with two men. We broke up shortly after.

 

I'm just guessing, but I have a good idea that her refusal to have sex with you was because she was starting to transfer feelings to her coworker or, worst case scenario, was already involved. At which point she decided that having sex with you would be cheating on him. My guess is that male coworker. I'd put down 100$ there's something going on between the two of them.

 

Hate to be a downer and I hope I am wrong...

[sneakerlover]

Well, they are kind of close but not in the relationship manner. That's what she told me when we were good. One good thing about her is that she would tell me her happenings at work. She pretty much treats all of them as friends, from what I get, and I believe so too. The reason she gave me for not engaging in sexual relationship anymore was that she had a change of mind, of how she view things. And I'm pretty sure that she is not involved in any physically relationship with the colleague because I'm sure that she doesn't have the time to do so, because I'm well aware of her schedule. Though I'm not too sure if she might have enjoys herself with them more compared to the time we spent together.

[sneakerlover]

I'm over it. She's the first and best. If there's a chance in the future, then I'll go for her again. =)