red.velvet Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I'm the dumper, and I feel like I'm in hell right now. Here is the story.... I broke up with my boyfriend because I couldnt trust him. When we first got together, his ex before me told him she was 3 months pregnant. It was crazy, I told him I wanted to give him time and space to figure everything out but he insisted he didnt need space and that he was sure he wanted to be with me. 6 months later, his baby is born, and we are still doing okay except that his ex hates me and never allowed him to talk to me when she is there. Anyway, at first he told me he had moved out of the house he shared with his ex, but lived nearby so that he could easily see the baby. I'd visit him at his place, which I later came to find out was his friend's house. I was so angry, he had lied to me. After that he told me he is living with his cousin, but he never allowed me to visit him there. Earlier thiss week, I found out that all this time, he has been living with his ex, and was lying to me. I dont know if they are still together but the fact that he still lives with her and has been lying to me was very heart breaking. I felt so betrayed and hurt. He asked for a second chance saying that he loves me and all... I love him so much and if he continued asking I know for sure that I would have given in. So I told him that I was getting back together with my ex, which I'm not, just to get him off my back. He cried, and told me that he doesnt think he hurt me with his lies as much as I hurt him by telling him I'm getting back with my ex. He has left me alone, but I miss him so much and I hate how what I told him hurt him. I feel so bad and I cannot begin to understand why he pursued a relationship with me without being over with his ex. Its killing me.... Im wondering if I should confess about my lie that I'm back with my ex or if I should just leave everything like it is and continue with NC. opinions??
Mike_d Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 keep up the nc, the reasons don't matter, you don't need a multi time liar in your life
Chi townD Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 This dude has WAY TOO MUCH BAGGAGE! To be honest, he's starting a brand new family and he's lied to you one too many times. I think you're better off finding a guy that has his act together and that can dedicate his time and effort towards a relationship with you. And lets be honest, he's living with his Ex. Do you honestly think they have seperate bedrooms and not sharing a bed? It's obvious his Ex wants him back, and to be brutual.....she got him. Time to heal and move on. This was NOT your fault!!!!! You deserve better.... 1
AlexCross Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I'm the dumper, and I feel like I'm in hell right now. Here is the story.... I broke up with my boyfriend because I couldnt trust him. When we first got together, his ex before me told him she was 3 months pregnant. It was crazy, I told him I wanted to give him time and space to figure everything out but he insisted he didnt need space and that he was sure he wanted to be with me. 6 months later, his baby is born, and we are still doing okay except that his ex hates me and never allowed him to talk to me when she is there. Anyway, at first he told me he had moved out of the house he shared with his ex, but lived nearby so that he could easily see the baby. I'd visit him at his place, which I later came to find out was his friend's house. I was so angry, he had lied to me. After that he told me he is living with his cousin, but he never allowed me to visit him there. Earlier thiss week, I found out that all this time, he has been living with his ex, and was lying to me. I dont know if they are still together but the fact that he still lives with her and has been lying to me was very heart breaking. I felt so betrayed and hurt. He asked for a second chance saying that he loves me and all... I love him so much and if he continued asking I know for sure that I would have given in. So I told him that I was getting back together with my ex, which I'm not, just to get him off my back. He cried, and told me that he doesnt think he hurt me with his lies as much as I hurt him by telling him I'm getting back with my ex. He has left me alone, but I miss him so much and I hate how what I told him hurt him. I feel so bad and I cannot begin to understand why he pursued a relationship with me without being over with his ex. Its killing me.... Im wondering if I should confess about my lie that I'm back with my ex or if I should just leave everything like it is and continue with NC. opinions?? You are both untruthful people, however, you hit him below the belt.
Author red.velvet Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. Its just that during our relationship he was always insecure about my ex, but I always reassured him. Then when breaking up I told him I was back with my ex, knowing how he felt about it. He was visibly hurt and now I feel bad for saying it, I shouldnt have, seeing as its not even true.
Author red.velvet Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 You are both untruthful people, however, you hit him below the belt. Yes, I did hit below the belt and I feel bad for that. Should I confess or I should just let it be?
veggirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Don't bother telling him. Who cares at this point...he was likely cheating on you the whole time, and he was lying the whole time...does he deserve the truth? no. Now if you hadn't already lied, I wouldn't advise you to lie, but whats done is done..don't worry about having lied to him now.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 .... Anyway, at first he told me he had moved out of the house he shared with his ex, but lived nearby so that he could easily see the baby. I'd visit him at his place, which I later came to find out was his friend's house. I was so angry, he had lied to me. After that he told me he is living with his cousin, but he never allowed me to visit him there. So... Let's be straight here... Is this actually you?
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Yes, I did hit below the belt and I feel bad for that. Should I confess or I should just let it be? Let it be. Confessing opens another door for drama.
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 So... Let's be straight here... Is this actually you? Eeeks! 10 characters
Art_Critic Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Red Velvet.. consider the lie you told him a lie so that he would leave you alone, you felt you had no other option. You wouldn't be the first person to make something up to make the break.. What you need to look at is that he is not the most responsible person and certainly isn't a very good role model for a father... Consider yourself lucky that you are not pregnant with his child as I can bet that his baby's mom is pulling her hair out with him right now, I'd bet before long he leaves her to raise that child by herself.
hinatticus Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 So... Let's be straight here... Is this actually you? That's hilarious.
Sebastian76 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Think first and foremost of what you can accept and what kind of life you wish to live. He seriously abused your trust in an unforgivable manner. Take my word for it, you will not be able to ever forget or truly forgive. Any future relationship would be based on mistrust and repressed resentment until you'll finally realize that you have wasted valuable years of the only life you'll ever get, on a basically doomed relationship. He lied to you on such fundamental issues that you'll never be able to fully trust him ever again - and rightfully so, because he is a lying scumbag! First things first. Let's say you hadn't told him that story. Would you be interested in a relationship with this person? Or let's say it was your best girlfriend who had experienced this, what would you advise her? It is a given, anybody with half self respect would never ever let this person get anywhere near their soft spots again. The pain you inflicted by telling him that lie is nothing compared to what you are experiencing. YOU are the victim here, and you don't owe him a god damn thing! On the contrary he deserved every painful dish you could possibly hand out. You hadn't told this lie if he hadn't hurt you deeply. Hurt people hurt people. What you did was very clever. You got your revenge by hitting a sore spot - good job! AND you got him off your back for good at the same time. Now you don't have the risk of falling in again once he start manipulating your mind. Don't confess, keep him the hell out of your life at all cost and get on with it. Go kiss some cute guys and have some awesome sex with someone else. It will get your mind elsewhere. This deceit will hurt like hell, no fooling about that, but be smart and loyal to your boundaries and stay NC, it will shorten your suffering no ends. Staying loyal to your beliefs is what will shape and define you as a person. You will feel alone but only for a while. But believe me it is lot better to be alone and knowing that you are not somebody who let people screw you over. You will know from experience that you can trust yourself to take care of your own best interests. I am proud of how you dealt with it!
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Until I know the answer to my question, I'm refraining from comment.
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