kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 My current bf is between 6-7 years older than I am (25 and 32, currently). We have the best relationship dynamic out of all the relationships I've had, but I doubt it has much to do with age. We just have a lot in common and our personalities complement each other. However, when you start getting into the 15, 20, 25 year and beyond age differences...it's hard to see how that would actually work on an emotional/intellectual level. Not saying it can't, because I've seen it work for people before! I think it's just rare. By the way, your dad is a creep for outright telling you he fancies and prefers women around your age. I don't think I'd ever want my dad to discuss that with me.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) kissandmakeup is fat Truth! I'm morbidly obese, to be exact. Edit: wow, that was lightning-fast troll removal! Sorry for the off-topic post. Edited September 8, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
USMCHokie Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 However, when you start getting into the 15, 20, 25 year and beyond age differences...it's hard to see how that would actually work on an emotional/intellectual level. Not saying it can't, because I've seen it work for people before! I think it's just rare. I honestly think its harder for that large of an age gap to work on a practical level than an emotional/intellectual level... She's 18+ years older than me...
MuscleCarFan Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 By the way, your dad is a creep for outright telling you he fancies and prefers women around your age. I don't think I'd ever want my dad to discuss that with me. He has a looooooong history of saying inappropriate things.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I honestly think its harder for that large of an age gap to work on a practical level than an emotional/intellectual level... She's 18+ years older than me... I'll probably agree with you, but can you elaborate what you mean by "practical"? Do you mean disapproval from family/friends/society? Logistics of dealing with kids vs. no kids? Is this the same woman you were seeing before, Hokie? I didn't know you were still together, but I hope it's working out for you. 1
USMCHokie Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I'll probably agree with you, but can you elaborate what you mean by "practical"? Do you mean disapproval from family/friends/society? Logistics of dealing with kids vs. no kids? Is this the same woman you were seeing before, Hokie? I didn't know you were still together, but I hope it's working out for you. Yea, we ended up breaking up and getting back together multiple times over a period of a few months...each time a practical issue came up, such as kids, the distance, my career versus hers, etc., we rationalized that it was better to just end it... But about a month or so ago we decided to just f*ck it and jump recklessly into the relationship and worry about the issues when and if we get to them. But yes, practical issues that have nothing to do with the compatibility of our personalities or mutual physical attraction such as kids, the idea that she'll get older a lot sooner than me and then what, her kid, the disparity in where she is in life compared to me, etc.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Yea, we ended up breaking up and getting back together multiple times over a period of a few months...each time a practical issue came up, such as kids, the distance, my career versus hers, etc., we rationalized that it was better to just end it... But about a month or so ago we decided to just f*ck it and jump recklessly into the relationship and worry about the issues when and if we get to them. But yes, practical issues that have nothing to do with the compatibility of our personalities or mutual physical attraction such as kids, the idea that she'll get older a lot sooner than me and then what, her kid, the disparity in where she is in life compared to me, etc. I agree, these are issues I indeed had considered but incorrectly threw under the blanket "emotional issues," which they really aren't. But then again, there are 40/50-somethings who have no kids, have never been married, are not high-powered career-people, etc. They might have better luck with someone younger than a 40/50-something with kids, an ex spouse, a high-powered career life, etc. Of course, the getting older thing...that's unavoidable! 1
USMCHokie Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I agree, these are issues I indeed had considered but incorrectly considered under the blanket "emotional issues," which they really aren't. Well they certainly can fall into the category of emotional issues because they bring up very strong emotional responses...and the only way I've been able to deal with it is to completely shut off the corresponding emotional response. The no kids thing is probably one of the biggest issues, and I deal with it by not thinking about it at all. The only time I do is when I'm in a situation where I thank the lucky stars I don't have kids. For example, when I hear a kid crying incessantly on a plane, I become glad that I'll never have one of those...unfortunately, it's the only way I can deal with it.
strongnrelaxed Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 No offense but I'd be grossed out if I had a dad like yours. If my mom and dad ever split and he goes for someone my age, our relationship would probably be over. Wow. That was crude and obnoxious of you Mesmerized. You are better than this. How dare you disrespect the OP's Father like that? On top of that, you are saying that women at 23-24 are not capable of making decisions on their own. This is perpetuating the BS myth that women in their 20s and 30s are vulnerable little flowers and men are predatory and "gross" This is wrong on so many levels it makes me ill. :sick
coolheadal Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Someone 12 to 16 years different is not going to break you. Once you get past 40 to 50 anyone one in the 30's not going to care much. Some might not even look older. That has to be taken into consideration. If you old your old doesn't mean you have to look the part. Whoever wants to be with you just let it be!
MuscleCarFan Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Wow. That was crude and obnoxious of you Mesmerized. You are better than this. How dare you disrespect the OP's Father like that? On top of that, you are saying that women at 23-24 are not capable of making decisions on their own. This is perpetuating the BS myth that women in their 20s and 30s are vulnerable little flowers and men are predatory and "gross" This is wrong on so many levels it makes me ill. :sick Read my previous posts, my FIL goes for ONLY younger women.
Author pink_sugar Posted September 8, 2012 Author Posted September 8, 2012 Wow. That was crude and obnoxious of you Mesmerized. You are better than this. How dare you disrespect the OP's Father like that? On top of that, you are saying that women at 23-24 are not capable of making decisions on their own. This is perpetuating the BS myth that women in their 20s and 30s are vulnerable little flowers and men are predatory and "gross" This is wrong on so many levels it makes me ill. :sick No offense taken. I would honestly be quite disturbed if he dated someone my age...especially since he makes comments about all these young women in other countries wanting to come here and marry an older guy to have a child with. And he even said to my grandmother he'd consider fathering a child for them if he could relinquish his rights over the child or if the woman could find someone else to care for it. In that case, yes I probably would disown him as a parent if he fathered a child with someone my age...27 years younger than him.
mesmerized Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Wow. That was crude and obnoxious of you Mesmerized. You are better than this. How dare you disrespect the OP's Father like that? On top of that, you are saying that women at 23-24 are not capable of making decisions on their own. This is perpetuating the BS myth that women in their 20s and 30s are vulnerable little flowers and men are predatory and "gross" This is wrong on so many levels it makes me ill. :sick She actually feels the same way. No woman wants to have a father that thinks the way about women her father does and who chases women her child's age for sex. It IS gross. Personally, I wouldn't be able to look at such a man as a true father figure. Why? Are you trying to date woman your daughters age and expect her to high five you for getting younger vagina? 1
MuscleCarFan Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 As well he should. One should only date women their own age if they don't have any alternatives. That sounds ridiculous. He is narcissistic and feels that anyone over 30 is too old.
angie2443 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Wow. That was crude and obnoxious of you Mesmerized. You are better than this. How dare you disrespect the OP's Father like that? I had a father like that. It did make my skin crawl. Many women I know who had fathers like that (going after women their daughter's age) felt very unconfortable around their fathers because of it. I don't know how OP feels about it. I don't know how most women feel about it. I do find it to be very disrespectful behavior to go after someone as young as your children. 1
Author pink_sugar Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 As well he should. One should only date women their own age if they don't have any alternatives. Big difference between going for someone younger and going for someone who was bottle feeding when you were 30. 1
utterer of lies Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 My father is 14 years older than my mother, who was 21 when I was born. Their marriage held for almost 20 years. Now he is married to a woman who's 6 years older than me, and my mother to a man who is 8 years older than my father. And my parents seemed happy together during my childhood, and seem happy now with their new partners. So I think, as long as both partners are adults, age doesn't really matter. 2
udolipixie Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I only consider guys my age (21) or younger within legal limits and the current age difference I draw the line is 5 years younger than me (16).
strongnrelaxed Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 She actually feels the same way. No woman wants to have a father that thinks the way about women her father does and who chases women her child's age for sex. It IS gross. Personally, I wouldn't be able to look at such a man as a true father figure. Why? Are you trying to date woman your daughters age and expect her to high five you for getting younger vagina? Holy crap! Wow. A man cannot be a father AND have a sex life? What the hell? Why are "Cougars" perfectly acceptable and this is not? I have apparently wandered into an alternate universe. Once a man or woman reaches the age of consent, they are able to consent. I am not an advocate for old men chasing around young girls. And sure, this guys sounds like a crude jerk. But men in their 50's dating women in their 20's is NEVER criticized when the woman does the chasing and the older man is rich. This is an insane double standard and I am not giving it one more ounce of energy. Oh, and by the way my little daughter is 6 years old. For purposes of decorum and respect for the guidelines of this website I will not comment on that accusation in the manner befitting of the comment, but I promise you my thoughts of you are not pleasant right now. That was a bizarre comment you made and it shocks me to have to tell you that.
strongnrelaxed Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I only consider guys my age (21) or younger within legal limits and the current age difference I draw the line is 5 years younger than me (16). This is an arbitrary line. I respect that you have one. Maybe everyone should. I have had girlfriends younger than me. They needed someone, and I needed someone. We connected and helped each other in many beautiful ways. I am not an old man and they were not teenagers. The idea that adults who like each other have to subscribe to this huge list of rules and regulations - age, timing, past relationships, religious norms,etc. is crazy to me. In the meantime we meet, connect and decide how things should go as we make our way. Everyone else can ki$$ our @$$e$
Lauriebell82 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I'm married now, but when I was single I was not a huge fan of older men..it's been my experience that they aren't anymore "mature" then younger men or more apt and/or interested in committment. I also didn't go for younger men, they were usually are in a different place in life then myself. My husband is 10 months older then me, which is perfect. I like men who are relatively my own age. 2
strongnrelaxed Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I had a father like that. It did make my skin crawl. Many women I know who had fathers like that (going after women their daughter's age) felt very unconfortable around their fathers because of it. I don't know how OP feels about it. I don't know how most women feel about it. I do find it to be very disrespectful behavior to go after someone as young as your children. That is unfortunate for you. You should know that there are people in the world who not only disagree with you, but they find that sort of sentiment silly and childish. These people who disagree with you do not come from one background, but they are all over the world. They are adults with complex ways of thinking. They are not bound to any one person's idiosyncratic sensibilities, but are self-authoring - deciding on the social rules they will follow as they go. They talk with each other in a very honest way. Almost nothing is forbidden to discuss between them - race, religion, politics, gender dynamics, laws, cultures. They agree on the lunacy of each other's genders and laugh at them. The date outside of their race knowing that there are others who would gladly murder them for it. They date outside of their religion, knowing that their parents would quickly disown them for it. They date younger and older people, knowing that there are people like you and others who find it disgusting. I am not talking about child molesters here and I reject all of these subtly worded innuendos that hint at that. It should be disgusting and offensive to any reasonable adult who reads such comments. I would much prefer to connect with a woman of my own age (in my 40's), but there is a very real and very strong sense of desperation in these women. Too many have been lied to by their families and cultures and hold bad assumptions about men and relationships. Very sad. The more radical elements of the feminist movement has done this particular type damage and that is on them. Women should be pissed about this. Forgive the longish response (I type pretty quickly so it doesn't feel long until I read it), but your discomfort with people of other colors or races or who don't dress like you, or look like you, or date like you, does not make them bad or creepy.
udolipixie Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 That is unfortunate for you. You should know that there are people in the world who not only disagree with you, but they find that sort of sentiment silly and childish. These people who disagree with you do not come from one background, but they are all over the world. They are adults with complex ways of thinking. They are not bound to any one person's idiosyncratic sensibilities, but are self-authoring - deciding on the social rules they will follow as they go. They talk with each other in a very honest way. Almost nothing is forbidden to discuss between them - race, religion, politics, gender dynamics, laws, cultures. They agree on the lunacy of each other's genders and laugh at them. The date outside of their race knowing that there are others who would gladly murder them for it. They date outside of their religion, knowing that their parents would quickly disown them for it. They date younger and older people, knowing that there are people like you and others who find it disgusting. I am not talking about child molesters here and I reject all of these subtly worded innuendos that hint at that. It should be disgusting and offensive to any reasonable adult who reads such comments. I would much prefer to connect with a woman of my own age (in my 40's), but there is a very real and very strong sense of desperation in these women. Too many have been lied to by their families and cultures and hold bad assumptions about men and relationships. Very sad. The more radical elements of the feminist movement has done this particular type damage and that is on them. Women should be pissed about this. Forgive the longish response (I type pretty quickly so it doesn't feel long until I read it), but your discomfort with people of other colors or races or who don't dress like you, or look like you, or date like you, does not make them bad or creepy. Interesting I got that she finds it to be very disrespectful behavior to go after someone as young as your children. I didn't see any mention of her being uncomfortable with people of other races who don't dress or look like her. Bit curious as to how you equated angie2443 thinking it's very disrespectful behavior to go after someone as young as your children to her discomfort of others who don't dress or look like her thinking they're bad or creepy. More curious if you realize the turnaround of playing the 'others disagree with your opinion' card is that there are others who agree with her and would find your sort of sentiment silly and childish. Always amusing to me when people use the 'others disagree with your opinion' card to belittle someone's opinion.
xxoo Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Dating decades younger and dating people the same age as your children are two different issues. If you have kids at 40, you can date 20 years younger without being anywhere near their age. In our culture, at least, it does cause family discomfort when a parent of either gender dates people the same age of their young-adult children. Once the kids are over 30, it is less of an issue in my mind.
RedRobin Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I would much prefer to connect with a woman of my own age (in my 40's), but there is a very real and very strong sense of desperation in these women. Some people consider those who need to date someone young enough to be their child as it's own form of 'desperation'. Desperate to be viewed as 'superior' and in control... Desperate to relive their youth.... Desperate not to feel 'old'... I don't have a strong opinion of those who date much younger as an 'exception'. The ones who need to routinely date much younger (or conversely, much older) have issues in my opinion. I agree with the OP and some others here. If my father or other relative could only date those young enough to be their child, I would probably be challenged to have a relationship with them. I'd be civil at family functions... but that is it.
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