LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 So as the title states, I'm being completely paranoid! The break up only happend days ago but for some crazy reason I have some how convinced myself that my ex is seeing someone else. I haven't even seen/heard anything to give me reason to think this. It's just a horrible feeling I have. We've broken up quite a few times but I have never felt this horrible paranoid feeling. It's very new to me and I don't like it! I know I shouldn't care but thats not really my point... Why am I feeling this way? Like I said, nothing has happend to make me think it and I've never been paranoid. Is it just my mind playing tricks on me?
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 So as the title states, I'm being completely paranoid! The break up only happend days ago but for some crazy reason I have some how convinced myself that my ex is seeing someone else. I haven't even seen/heard anything to give me reason to think this. It's just a horrible feeling I have. We've broken up quite a few times but I have never felt this horrible paranoid feeling. It's very new to me and I don't like it! I know I shouldn't care but thats not really my point... Why am I feeling this way? Like I said, nothing has happend to make me think it and I've never been paranoid. Is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Yes, your emotions playing with you. It's normal to fear them being with someone else, imagine them with someone else, wonder if they are with someone else, etc. Now that you are not a part of his life anymore and you know that with a breakup will come the possibility of him being with someone else, your mind will run rampant. Every bad scenario that comes with the negative feelings will come to mind. The thing is, the possibility is there and you have to, at some point come to terms with it.
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Yes, your emotions playing with you. It's normal to fear them being with someone else, imagine them with someone else, wonder if they are with someone else, etc. Now that you are not a part of his life anymore and you know that with a breakup will come the possibility of him being with someone else, your mind will run rampant. Every bad scenario that comes with the negative feelings will come to mind. The thing is, the possibility is there and you have to, at some point come to terms with it. It's just that I've never ever felt this feeling before, it's doing my head in geegirl! I don't even know where its come from! A very new and scary emotion. God knows how paranoid people get through the day! Oh I know that theres a possibility, but come on, life isnt that cruel is? Atleast give it a few months, ha!
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 It's just that I've never ever felt this feeling before, it's doing my head in geegirl! I don't even know where its come from! A very new and scary emotion. God knows how paranoid people get through the day! Oh I know that theres a possibility, but come on, life isnt that cruel is? Atleast give it a few months, ha! I know how you feel! I had the opportunity to catch my ex in the act with another so even after seeing that, I still kept wondering if he was with her/other girls! How crazy is that? No way around it. It's a monster you have to grapple with. It's comes from fear and the anxiousness of dealing with the finality of it all. Best to deal with it now. In a few months you want to be free of some of these demons so that you can start focusing on what really matters!
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 I know how you feel! I had the opportunity to catch my ex in the act with another so even after seeing that, I still kept wondering if he was with her/other girls! How crazy is that? No way around it. It's a monster you have to grapple with. It's comes from fear and the anxiousness of dealing with the finality of it all. Best to deal with it now. In a few months you want to be free of some of these demons so that you can start focusing on what really matters! Gosh. That must have been hard! The only reason I'd want it to happen in a few months is because I probably wont care. But I have no way of ever finding out, which is a blessing I guess.
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Gosh. That must have been hard! The only reason I'd want it to happen in a few months is because I probably wont care. But I have no way of ever finding out, which is a blessing I guess. I would never wish that on anyone!
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 I would never wish that on anyone! Well you're a very wise woman because of it. So thank the **** head
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Well you're a very wise woman because of it. So thank the **** head I do from time to time!
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 So as the title states, I'm being completely paranoid! The break up only happend days ago but for some crazy reason I have some how convinced myself that my ex is seeing someone else. I haven't even seen/heard anything to give me reason to think this. It's just a horrible feeling I have. We've broken up quite a few times but I have never felt this horrible paranoid feeling. It's very new to me and I don't like it! I know I shouldn't care but thats not really my point... Why am I feeling this way? Like I said, nothing has happend to make me think it and I've never been paranoid. Is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Here's harsh: It's none of your business whether he's seeing someone else or not. He's your ex- he can do whatever he likes. If he wanted to see someone half an hour after you had broken up, he could have done - and so could you. The difference is - is he seeing someone so soon after your break-up - that was actually in the wings, or completely 'on action' with him - BEFORE you broke up? That would be different. But here's the thing: If he broke up with you - and in fact, he had another young lady already lined up - then you're better off without him. If he broke up with you - and he has started seeing someone else, very soon after - then you're better off without him.
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Here's harsh: It's none of your business whether he's seeing someone else or not. He's your ex- he can do whatever he likes. If he wanted to see someone half an hour after you had broken up, he could have done - and so could you. The difference is - is he seeing someone so soon after your break-up - that was actually in the wings, or completely 'on action' with him - BEFORE you broke up? That would be different. But here's the thing: If he broke up with you - and in fact, he had another young lady already lined up - then you're better off without him. If he broke up with you - and he has started seeing someone else, very soon after - then you're better off without him. I know it has nothing to do with me but it still stings when I think about it. Like I said, nothing has given me reason to even think it so I'm putting it down to the break up rollercoaster. And yes, exactly, I'm better of without him if he has done either of those. But I shall never know.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Sadly - you don't need to know. What you need to be concentrating on, is looking after yourself and re-building your life, singly, with you as your number one priority. That means living life knowing you don't ever have to defer to anyone, you don't have to compromise, discuss agree or seek approval from anyone else - but yourself. Your life is Freedom Road from now on. If you want to lounge on your sofa with rollers and a face mask, eating tacos and chilli dip, with chocolates on the side, watching re-runs of Judge Judy, Dr Phil and Dallas - go right ahead.
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Sadly - you don't need to know. What you need to be concentrating on, is looking after yourself and re-building your life, singly, with you as your number one priority. That means living life knowing you don't ever have to defer to anyone, you don't have to compromise, discuss agree or seek approval from anyone else - but yourself. Your life is Freedom Road from now on. If you want to lounge on your sofa with rollers and a face mask, eating tacos and chilli dip, with chocolates on the side, watching re-runs of Judge Judy, Dr Phil and Dallas - go right ahead. I'm sure I'll get to this point soon It's all a bit fresh at the moment though. Simply going food shopping is a huge step for me right now! Sad I know!
g450 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I agree with TM. It really doesnt matter in the end if he did or not. All that matters is that he doesnt want to be with you. For myself I persued the truth even after the divorce for the simple reason that it would have made more sense to me if there was an OM. Our marriage wasnt perfect but far from being bad in my mind so an affair made sense. And sure enough there actually was an EA and possible PA but I didnt find out until after she left me. As they say here, you gut feeling is there for a reason and usually it is spot on. There are always warning signs and I personally had blinders on to most of them until D-day. In the end it is a waste of energy and very stressful loving somebody that doesnt love you back. Always keep this in mind and remember it for the rest of your life so that you dont get mixed up with the wrong person in the future. Best of luck to you. I feel for you. Every time I come to this forum my heart breaks for all the similar stories like yours. Stay strong, take care of yourself. Look to the future and be glad this happened early on instead of 20 years later after a child, a mortgate etc. You can start fresh. Learn from this and move on but dont let it tarnish any future relationship. It caused issues for me with my fiancee but I had to learn to get past that and now we are happily married. So chin up and know that you do can in fact still be happy. 1
Calico Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 This may sound a tad weird, but this morning when I was attending my "pity party for one", I realized that it's probably good for me that my ex not only dumped me, but also cheated on me and got together with the other guy immediately. Each of them hurt tremendously, but since they all happened at the same time, I get to deal with them at the same time, too. Much as I struggle to get through every day and fight off those frequent attacks by despair, neediness and endless regret, I think in the long run I prefer this over a situation where I fret every single new day whether or not the ex has gotten together with someone else. And then, when (not "if") it happens, I'd have to go through it all again. So, maybe just assume that he IS seeing someone else now and put that pain on top of the mountain of pain that already threatens to suffocate you, and then start your healing process from there.
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 This may sound a tad weird, but this morning when I was attending my "pity party for one", I realized that it's probably good for me that my ex not only dumped me, but also cheated on me and got together with the other guy immediately. Each of them hurt tremendously, but since they all happened at the same time, I get to deal with them at the same time, too. Much as I struggle to get through every day and fight off those frequent attacks by despair, neediness and endless regret, I think in the long run I prefer this over a situation where I fret every single new day whether or not the ex has gotten together with someone else. And then, when (not "if") it happens, I'd have to go through it all again. So, maybe just assume that he IS seeing someone else now and put that pain on top of the mountain of pain that already threatens to suffocate you, and then start your healing process from there. Yes, think I might just assume it, there is absolutely no way of me ever finding out but I have a feeling he will some how make sure I know, it will probably come straight from him as there is no other way of me finding out, so yeah I'm just going to assume and get the pain out of the way so if/when he does let me know I can be like 'Ah ok, thats great news, glad you're happy' and not feel that sting.
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