Emboy21 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Hi, I've been looking on this website on and off for a while, and I've finally decided to post my situation on here. Anyway, this is how it goes. So, my partner and I were together for 4 years (my first ever relationship). We were inseperable- we were with each other all the time, and after 3 years, we moved in together. Things starting going down hill after the move, and we broke up a year after. I was absolutely heartbroken. I can honestly say that my whole world came crashing down- I was so deeply in love, and I couldn't believe that it was over. I had lost my best friend, and it seemed like I lost a part of myself. What made it worse was that during the first weekend after we had broken up, I found them in bed with somebody else, which absolutely destroyed me. I moved out and spiraled downwards, blaming myself (not being fun enough, good looking enough, etc). I spent the next few months very depressed. I missed what we had tremendously, I thought about him all the time, and I swear I dreamed about him almost every night. During our relationship, I had lost/distanced myself from most of my friends so I didn't have a very big support base. 4 months later however, we got in contact again, he said that he missed me, and I jumped at the chance of getting back together. We said that things would be different- we would communicate better and it would work.To begin with things were great, it was just like when we first got together. However, it's been about 2 months now, and I can't help but feel that what was wrong in our relationship is still wrong. I'm so in love, and I don't feel like it's really reciprocated. The physical element of our relationship has dried up. I'm terrified that I'm going to be heartbroken once again. I know that this thing we have now is not long term, but I'm still in love, and so afraid of being alone. Towards the end of our separation, (through seeing a counselor) I was finally able to kind of get over my self-esteem issues, and become more independent. I feel like I'm now back at square one again. I don't know what to do, he sometimes comments on the times he spent with that 'other person' which really hurts. I'm thinking of letting our relationship go, as I don't want to go through the overwhelming pain of breaking up again or invest myself too heavily in something that isn't long term. At the same time though, I love this person with my heart and soul, and just being with them makes even the most mundane/ordinary thing extraordinary. I'm at the point where I feel like I need them in my life to be happy, yet I know on the inside that they don't feel the same. I don't know what I should do.
barese1 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 This situation has some similarities not with my current ex but the one before. Although before I carry on .. he cheated!!...that should be enough to kick him to the kurb but anyway... So I was with the ex, it was great, we split up then got back together. But it was never the same. I knew there were problems. I knew she didn't love me and I was totally in love with her. Similar to what you're saying. I tried to make it work but saw it never would. Eventually I broke up with her. I didn't want to but I knew I had to. It was the right decision looking back. It hurt like hell but imagine how much worse it would've been if she had broken up with me or if she got with someone else. Trust me, your words clearly demonstarte its over. You know it. Yes you may love him but if you know he's not right for you or that it won't work then end it now. It gives you control and dignity. It is a hard thing to do but I guarantee you it's easier then if the choice is out of your hands. be prepared for it to be hard. Go NC and try and better yourself. I did that and eventually met someone else (admittedly she broke my heart as well and I'm trying to get over her) but I literally never think or have feelings for that old ex. We lived togetehr and I thought I was going to marry her and have kids. After some time and meeting new people you see how wrong you are for each other. I think you'll feel the same about this idiot with time.
Recommended Posts