Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I've gotten out of a LTR recently (3 months) and I've been going out to bars probably 2-3 times a week with friends. I've had a lot of fun being single. I've noticed that whenever I'm out, I get hit on by a lot of different guys but not often from the ones I find attractive. It seems like the attractive guys will often make very little eye contact or just ignore me altogether. Meanwhile the completely unattractive, sloppy drunk guys will talk my ear off at the bar while I'm trying to get a drink. Sometimes I think I'm not sending out the right signals. Maybe I'm subonsciously entering "snob mode" when I'm around attractive guys out of some pride thing. I dunno. I guess what I'm asking is, what does it take from a woman for you guys to do a cold approach at a bar? What are some ways a woman has gotten your attention and made you want to approach her? I ask this because I just read a really funny article about the different ways that women have gotten mens' attention out in public and I wondered what other interesting stories you all might have.
Emilia Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 There can be a number of reasons why they don't approach, most likely because you are with a group of women and only guys who are drunk enough not to care will brave the whole group. I find dancing the best way to meet men - though meeting in bars/clubs I don't recommend if you want a relationship. You can move around while dancing to get closer to the ones you like the look of and they can do the same.
Author Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 There can be a number of reasons why they don't approach, most likely because you are with a group of women and only guys who are drunk enough not to care will brave the whole group. I find dancing the best way to meet men - though meeting in bars/clubs I don't recommend if you want a relationship. You can move around while dancing to get closer to the ones you like the look of and they can do the same. Actually I don't go with a lot of women. I go with my co-workers, so it's a mix of sexes but the majority male. I isolate myself a lot, though, going to the bar to get drinks. Dancing is a good idea...although many of the places we go aren't dancing type places. And I'm definitely not looking for a relationship. I just want to meet and maybe casually date for a while.
Emilia Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Actually I don't go with a lot of women. I go with my co-workers, so it's a mix of sexes but the majority male. I isolate myself a lot, though, going to the bar to get drinks. Dancing is a good idea...although many of the places we go aren't dancing type places. And I'm definitely not looking for a relationship. I just want to meet and maybe casually date for a while. Then bars and dancing are perfect, hopefully you will find some good places. A mixed group is difficult too because the guys from the outside can't tell what the deal is. It might not be enough that you try to isolate yourself, I try that too sometimes when I'm out with friends but a man would have to watch you a fair amount before he could work out what your relationship is with the others. If you want to meet guys it's best to go out with one or two closer female friends only.
Hawaii50 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 What are some ways a woman has gotten your attention and made you want to approach her? QUOTE] Any sort of "come hither" a wave, a motion to come over, a noticably smile in my direction... I'd be really impressed if a woman came up to me and simply said " Let's change this up, can I buy you a drink?"
Author Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 How about you say Hi to a guy you fancy? Yeah, it just seems like there are more interesting ways to go about it. I guess I was looking for personal stories about how women have approached/caught your attention before.
Author Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Then bars and dancing are perfect, hopefully you will find some good places. A mixed group is difficult too because the guys from the outside can't tell what the deal is. It might not be enough that you try to isolate yourself, I try that too sometimes when I'm out with friends but a man would have to watch you a fair amount before he could work out what your relationship is with the others. If you want to meet guys it's best to go out with one or two closer female friends only. True...and a lot of the times I go out with only guys (the other girls don't like to go out as much as I do it seems). One time I even had a guy come up and ask me, "So are you f*cking him, or him?" My friends and I were pretty shocked. lol. Wow this is making me sound like a partier. I promise I'm not "that girl." Haha. I should probably try to make an effort to go out with only female friends. Any sort of "come hither" a wave, a motion to come over, a noticably smile in my direction... I'd be really impressed if a woman came up to me and simply said " Let's change this up, can I buy you a drink?" Thanks! That's a funny one. Might have to try it...I'll report back to you. lol This is the first time in my adult life that I've been single and on the bar scene. It's very...different...
kaylan Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) Saying "Hey" works for women too ya know. Just make an excuse to walk past him, try to lock eyes, smile and just say "hey" in passing. Any smart guy will get the picture from that. Hell, one time a girls friend actually came up and said "you should dance with my friend here". Thats a bit more forward, but Ive had a variety of things happen to me. Ive also had girls straight up ask me to dance...its rare, but its happened. Edited September 7, 2012 by kaylan 3
fucpcg Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 First and foremost, a bar is a poor venue to meet people, if looking for quality people. It can happen, but so can hitting the lottery. I will never approach a woman in a bar for one specific reason, generally they are rude. If a girl comes and strikes up a conversation with me, I will definitely engage in one, but it's only going to happen if she makes the first move. Otherwise I can't be bothered with the nonsense of trying to meet someone in a bar.
musemaj11 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 What makes you think the attractive guys should notice you in the first place though? If I'm asking you why is it that I can only get the ugly fat women to come approach me but the hot girls never even took a glance at me? What would u say to that? Personally I think the answer is pretty clear.
Radu Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Yeah, it just seems like there are more interesting ways to go about it. I guess I was looking for personal stories about how women have approached/caught your attention before. If it's you in your avatar, i don't think it's your looks. I'd do the 'Hi' approach, and buy a 2nd cell phone. Give that cell phone nr to the guy if he asks for it, so you can insulate yourself from guys who might misinterpret this as 'easy sex'.
oaks Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 . It seems like the attractive guys will often make very little eye contact Maybe the attractive guys are already taken. But, when they do make eye contact - what do you do? Do you smile first? Do you look away and bury your head in your drink? Do you look back and keep looking? Something else? I usually take the view that the first eye-contact could easily be accidental, or that you have to look to see if you like, so if the other person catches you looking it doesn't necessarily mean anything... but after that, if a woman won't meet my gaze a second time (or has a foul "don't you dare hit on me" look on her face when she does) then I assume she's not interested.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Men need to acquire a certain aptitude with engaging women while making a good impression and understanding a woman's boundaries while women need to develop a certain level of seduction and intrigue without it appearing as nothing more than an unintentional crack of the door to let the man know you are interested in. Depending on the mans confidence and whether he's interested or not will determines whether he will make a play at you. You essentially have to figure out how to catch his attention or end up in the right place where he can coincidentally strike up a conversation with you. Sometimes with shyer men you need to make a more direct engagement, like asking them an inconspicuous question or what not...giving him an opportunity to to engage you without feeling out of place or intrusive. Otherwise If the situation doesn't merit an interaction then why would a man engage you? Appearing to be sociable and friendly will always generate a lot of mixed attention but men will also notice you rejecting other men as well...therefore lending a subtle shy smile or flirtatious gesture may incline him to take a leap of faith and engage you believing you may be interested and rather sociable and friendly at least. Of course for men and women there's always more than one way to accomplish you goals with peaking the opposites sex interest or letting the know that you are. That has to come from a development of your own attributes and what you are comfortable with, some things work for others while others cannot because they don't have the personality for it, but there are general guidelines. So be different with the men who are engaging you and are not interested in...not rude, but brief, dismissing yourself with a different demeanor and body language, then change your body language and send out a more interested vibe and demeanor out to the men you are interested in. When I see a woman at this point, the eye contact alone tells me a lot about her interest level. And oddly enough I think there's an automatic sense of chemistry that can be instant...but maybe I'm crazy and that's just me. Then it's just about the right timing. Try to control and gauge your demeanor so you don't look like a permanent b!tch or headcase because you're walking around looking like you're entitled...guys see that all the time, and trust me the guys that don't care or have any sense are likely not to take the hint anyway, they're going in with their eyes closed and taking shots into the dark. The guys who are interested may not like the attitude or realize it's just for those "other" guys. A reliable course of action is always just good conversation...It doesn't show you are overly interested and it let's you gauge the persons interest and whether you like their personality and feeling the chemistry...If it's there it's going to happen and click without much effort. Then you can leave it up to him to make the advances beyond that like getting your number and seeing you again. Realize the bars and clubs aren't the best venues for men...the players are really the main men who consistently succeed in these environments...and the other guys are just hit and missers...they just keep trying till they get a hit and not worry about the rejection. 2
Maeva Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 What are some ways a woman has gotten your attention and made you want to approach her? QUOTE] Any sort of "come hither" a wave, a motion to come over, a noticably smile in my direction... I'd be really impressed if a woman came up to me and simply said " Let's change this up, can I buy you a drink?" I've done something similar in the past and it worked great. I dated the guy on and off for a while. Seven years later, he still remembers the way I approached him at the bar
mitchell Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 It's all about eye contact. You don't need to stare them down, but a few well played glances at the right person should get his attention. If not, he's too shy or just not interested.
Maeva Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I agree that most of the men who hang out at bars probably only want to pick up girls... BUT, my guy friends hang out at bars and they're looking for LTR or at least a casual relationship, so who knows? They're super shy and only one of them actually go and talk with girls, but if someone would approach them, it could work.
jobaba Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I don't mean this to be mean at all, but you will get approached by men in your league. When I USED TO approach women in bars, I would rarely go for the hot women I thought I had no chance with. Let's face it. Bars are a meat market. If you think all the guys who approach you are unattractive, and the hot ones don't approach, maybe your expectations are a bit too high. If it is more you are being approached by total drunks, and old and creepy guys, switch bars 1
AD1980 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 First and foremost, a bar is a poor venue to meet people, if looking for quality people. It can happen, but so can hitting the lottery. I will never approach a woman in a bar for one specific reason, generally they are rude. If a girl comes and strikes up a conversation with me, I will definitely engage in one, but it's only going to happen if she makes the first move. Otherwise I can't be bothered with the nonsense of trying to meet someone in a bar. I never understood this logic at all.Plenty of people in their 20's and 30's go to bars to unwind and are decent human beings. Even if you meet a person somewhere else its possible that person goes to bars would they be undateable if you met them there but dateable meeting them somewhere else? People make it seem like you have to be some sort of demonic person to be at a bar single and looking,would i advise people to make that your prime place to look to meet somebody? no but i wouldnt rule it out because of some dumb taboo either 1
Author Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 I never understood this logic at all.Plenty of people in their 20's and 30's go to bars to unwind and are decent human beings. Even if you meet a person somewhere else its possible that person goes to bars would they be undateable if you met them there but dateable meeting them somewhere else? People make it seem like you have to be some sort of demonic person to be at a bar single and looking,would i advise people to make that your prime place to look to meet somebody? no but i wouldnt rule it out because of some dumb taboo either I agree with this. I mean, I'm at the bar and I don't consider myself an evil person. My friends go to bars all the time, and they are some pretty freakin cool people. But we are in our 20s and just want to have fun. I'm not trying to meet Mr. Right. I'm trying to date as many people as possible while I'm young so that when I'm ready to settle down, I know what I want. What makes you think the attractive guys should notice you in the first place though? If I'm asking you why is it that I can only get the ugly fat women to come approach me but the hot girls never even took a glance at me? What would u say to that? Personally I think the answer is pretty clear. I'm pretty objective when it comes to my looks, so I don't think the problem is that I'm aiming for guys out of my league. If it's you in your avatar, i don't think it's your looks. I'd do the 'Hi' approach, and buy a 2nd cell phone. Give that cell phone nr to the guy if he asks for it, so you can insulate yourself from guys who might misinterpret this as 'easy sex'. It's me in my avatar. I mean it's not like I don't get approached, I do. And sometimes by attractive guys. I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to target the men I want to target. Ninjainpajamas answered that question pretty thoroughly. What got me when I first started going out recently is that a lot of the really attractive people in bars are just huge snobs (men and women). So the most attractive guys at the bar will oftentimes just completely ignore women. I don't know if it's some kind of pride thing or what. Or maybe they aren't single like someone said. It's just an interesting psychological thing and I was curious how to get past it. Although I guess if a guy is that stuck up then I don't really want to get past it anyway. I know there is always the obvious stuff (eye contact, smile, etc.) I was mainly just looking for personal anecdotes or stuff that I might not have heard before. The bar scene is new to me (as a single person anyway) and it's a lot different than I thought it'd be.
stillafool Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I've gotten out of a LTR recently (3 months) and I've been going out to bars probably 2-3 times a week with friends. I've had a lot of fun being single. I've noticed that whenever I'm out, I get hit on by a lot of different guys but not often from the ones I find attractive. It seems like the attractive guys will often make very little eye contact or just ignore me altogether. Meanwhile the completely unattractive, sloppy drunk guys will talk my ear off at the bar while I'm trying to get a drink. Sometimes I think I'm not sending out the right signals. Maybe I'm subonsciously entering "snob mode" when I'm around attractive guys out of some pride thing. I dunno. I guess what I'm asking is, what does it take from a woman for you guys to do a cold approach at a bar? What are some ways a woman has gotten your attention and made you want to approach her? I ask this because I just read a really funny article about the different ways that women have gotten mens' attention out in public and I wondered what other interesting stories you all might have. Maybe the attractive guys already have someone and that is the reason they don't approach you. They may just be there to have drinks and hang out with their friends.
Author Mycteria Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Maybe the attractive guys already have someone and that is the reason they don't approach you. They may just be there to have drinks and hang out with their friends. Maybe so...that's most of the reason I am there too after all.
jobaba Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) The better looking men might not approach you, but... In all honesty, any woman who is around a 6 or 7 or above, is into casual sex and/or hookups, and approaches drunk men, even hot ones, at bars will have a FIELD DAY. I do believe you are in that range. I won't go into more detail than that. I know an Asian woman in NYC I am friends with who objectively is a 4. She's probably the female equivalent of me. She wears tons of makeup and short skirts. She's into casual sex and hookups. When she hits the bars and clubs, she has a FIELD DAY. She hooks up with all kinds of guys. If I tried to hit on the sisters of the men she hooks up with, I'd be lucky to get in 30 seconds of my best game. Sure, she gets rejected. But she has no fear. She's like a dude. And she succeeds a lot more than she fails. And if you are looking for something deeper than casual sex/hookups, then you either shouldn't be looking for guys in bars or should be slightly less shallow when choosing whom to talk to. Edited September 7, 2012 by jobaba
jobaba Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) In contrast to my last post ... another story to inspire you... A male coworker I worked with is about a 9 I'd say. Blue eyes, built, tall, dark skinned, all that crap gals love. A bunch of the gals at work liked him and the one that I liked, liked him too. But I digress. For St. Paddy's Day, a bunch of them went out on the town. I didn't go, but I was with him the whole next day. Apparently, he was talking to three different women and got all of their phone numbers. Then, a fourth different woman who he hadn't talked to all night came up to him in the parking lot when he already LEFT THE BAR and said, "You're cute". They made out. And he took her back home. That was all it took. Later I met her, and objectively, she was about a 6 or 7. He's a pretty decent guy too. They ended up dating exclusively for a while. Like over a year. So, ladies, you can get a lot more than sex if you put yourselves out there and go for what you really want. Edited September 7, 2012 by jobaba
kyle77 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 not to act conceded, but I would say I am a fairly good looking guy, and personally I think the reason guys don't always approach is because its hard. Plain and simple. What I have noticed is that those guys who aren't as good looking are much more confident in their ability to go up to a girl and talk to her simply because they have to if that makes sense.... Again I don't want to sound cocky or anything but personally based on experience, I have noticed that at the bars, I can typically rely on my looks to make a few girls approach me per night, no they are often not the girls I want to approach me, but its someone none the less. Where as I believe guys who aren't as fortunate aesthetically understand that they have to approach a girl and show off their personality. I think that is why a lot of guys may not approach girls at bars, because they are accustomed to girls approaching them. However, every now and then I do see a girl who is just amazing and I want to approach her. If you want to make guys approach you more, my guess would be to be very persistent with eye contact. When a girl gives me very strong eye contact, I feel a little more comfortable to approach her and strike up a conversation.
fucpcg Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 I never understood this logic at all.Plenty of people in their 20's and 30's go to bars to unwind and are decent human beings. If you want to date any of the guys that I know that hang out at the bars every weekend, knock yourself out, and good luck! They are pretty much all morons, as well as jacka$$es, and that's why you don't see me hanging out at the bars with then every weekend.
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