ariesbijoux Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I confidently initiated no contact on July 29th in an attempt to regain my peace of mind, heal from a case of unrequited love and humiliating behavior as well as to finally sever the emotional ties to someone. Our initial parting was not dignified. He chose to use the silent treatment, ignoring and shunning me, to rid of me after telling me we could be friends. After I accepted the reality of the situation, and numerous attempts to reach out to him, constantly being rejected passively, I made a choice to stop the insanity. I successfully did not contact him at all during August. I was doing pretty good! I started a diary to record my progress and deal with any emotions that lingered. Well, on Sept. 6th I receive a random phone call specifically from his part of town. I don't know anyone else in his town so for this number to come up my mind immediately began to wonder and curiosity kicked in. I suck it up and see by texting him. I assume that it must've been someone he knows that's calling me from the number. I ask him calmly and kindly if he knows who it is and if so I ask that my number be removed. He replies asking " Who is this? ". I go on to tell him that he's the only one in that town that I use to know, and I'd like my number to be deleted. He by now knows who it is, and he doesn't reply. Not only do I feel foolish, and once again as if I've made myself look ridiculous in his eyes, though it shouldn't matter because he's treated me badly. I feel as if he'd never take me seriously. I broke no contact. Once again I initiated contact. Now, I have to start over again and feel the burn that its forever. Meaning, in my heart I know I'll never see or hear from him again, though, I shouldn't want to. I just feel that men deep down respect women who handle rejection and break ups with dignity. And, no man will ever respect or desire a woman who won't leave him alone after he's shown disinterest and rejection. Even if down the road he were to mature, there would be no chance to reconcile between us, even as friends. I'm hurting all over again. To add salt to my wounds I send him a text that said, " I apologize for bothering to contact you. I had to ask myself why and how would you have my number?! The call I received was just a coincidence. Anyway, so long. " How pathetic of me...and of course, he never replied.
Mint Sauce Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Aries, This guy really got to you, in a bad way. You're being way to harsh on yourself. Any decent guy out there won't love you less because you loose your strength for a brief moment when going through such an ordeal. You are looking at yourself through his eyes, but he's not a kind person it appears. Look at yourself through the eyes of someone who is kind and compassionate. There are plenty of good guys out there who won't respect you any less because you didn't keep up NC! This to me should be the reason why you should let him go. He pushes you down, even now. That's his fault, not yours.
Author ariesbijoux Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) Aries, This guy really got to you, in a bad way. You're being way to harsh on yourself. Any decent guy out there won't love you less because you loose your strength for a brief moment when going through such an ordeal. You are looking at yourself through his eyes, but he's not a kind person it appears. Look at yourself through the eyes of someone who is kind and compassionate. There are plenty of good guys out there who won't respect you any less because you didn't keep up NC! This to me should be the reason why you should let him go. He pushes you down, even now. That's his fault, not yours. I'm just very disappointed with myself because I knew better. I once again didn't trust my initial instinct. My gut feeling told me to just ignore the number whether it was someone he knew or not. I gave into temptation and I feel as if I've regressed. My last message to him on the 29th of August was suppose to be it. My final words to him. He was to never hear from me again. Life handed me a test and I failed. He asked who I was? because he doesn't have my number stored in his phone, which means I'm out of sight, out of mind. I don't have his number stored in my phone either, but its memorized. I couldn't forget it if I tried. He didn't even bother to tell me if he recognized the number or not once he found out it was me. He ignored me all over again. In the past he's called me weak, pathetic and other hurtful names and I've behaved in ways that I consider weak, desperate even and needy such as bombarding him with texts, emails, and messages in the past. I know that his opinion of me does not matter. Its just I don't like to behave in ways that I know are outside of my character, when I'm better than that. It feel as if I keep giving him reason to think he can do better than me or he made the right choice in not wanting to be with me. I've just never felt repulsive to someone in all my life before, and I've no idea why he singled me out to be the one he shuns and avoids at all costs. I keep telling myself that for every day, week, month and year I choose to remain no contact, he as well is not contacting me. He said before that he's as stubborn as they come and only time can change him, but even the most stubborn man would try to hold onto someone he cares for out of fear of losing her or compromise for the sake of salvaging the connection. I wish I'd never met him at all sometimes. Then, sometimes I just miss him. And though, I don't know what he feels or thinks, I believe deep down he couldn't care less if he ever heard from me or saw me again. I was insignificant to him. Edited September 7, 2012 by ariesbijoux grammar error
Calico Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 The bright side is that you now know that he wasn't being stubborn, but that he has genuinely no interest, not even in a friendship. This hurts, quite tremendously so, but it also removes any remaining hope, which is really a good thing. The fewer illusions (and delusions) there are left, the easier it is to really put this behind you, heal, and move on. Be gentle with yourself. You went from being clingy and needy to going without any contact for an entire five weeks! That is quite the feat and something to be really proud of. I think it's really awesome and that one tiny slip doesn't take away from your achievement. Stumbling is fine, all that matters is that you get up again -- and you most certainly are doing that.
geegirl Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) Aries, please don't beat yourself up about it. I've done some things in my life too that I've not been proud of, cringe worthy. It's normal sometimes to just act on emotion, out of impulse. Sometimes we have to fall more than we care to in order to learn how to finally stand up and keep walking. Life handed you a situation and you did what you had to do. With that comes a lesson and you carry that with you and move on. There is no such thing as pass or fail when going through the journey of healing from a break-up. You stumble but you will also persevere. You said you were clingy, needy and desperate and look how far you have come. All that counts for something. One relapse doesn't define all the progress you have made. Instead of focusing on one stumble, turn that around and remind yourself of how much you've achieved. I know you are hurting. It's bad enough he's beating you down, you have to stop doing it to yourself. A year from now, I guarantee you will look back and quite possibly not even remember who sent what and what sent who! For now, be gentle to yourself. Edited September 7, 2012 by geegirl 2
gullibleme Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I have also done many humiliating things during the breakup but you have to remember you are human...when they do the silent treatment during a relationship it is awful and unforgivable and actually a form of abuse. It is so hard to make them want to talk...Passive aggressive people are not someone you want to be with in the long run...remember that.... When my ex treated me that way I started to think...man if we were together and he did this frequently to me I would go crazy!! I asked him in the beginning of our relationship how he and his exW communicated when they had a disagreement because this was not working for me. He said they just ignored each other and he didn't know why he did that. He stated that we would talk through things and work them out....ummm ya they don't change....would you want to live life with a person like that...I know I couldn't ....it is abuse.
Rosane Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I can totally sympathise with you. I hope you're feeling better now, but I know how these things take time, depending on the case, how long you've been with that person, etc I am going through exactly the same now. I broke no contact after 2 months fully NC, and had dropped one text and two emails before in the last 4 months after we broke up, which were not what I would describe desperate, but at least one of them must've been in his view. And now I see it was. The one text was only to wish his child a happy birthday, to which he replied saying thanks. Before that I had sent an email finally "agreeing" with the breakup and apologising for my hysterical post-breakup behaviour when I swore at him, threw his clothes away and went really mad when he was ignoring me! He replied saying all was ok, no problems and wished me well. Then, after 3 weeks NC I sent him an email with an attachment of a song I liked, saying that I was thinking of him. He never replied. I felt stupid, but decided to go NC completely for 2 months. Only last week, I broke it. I knew that he wasn't interested anymore, otherwise he would've contacted me. But I still couldn't help myself contacting him. I called him in the evening and he hung up on me. I humiliated myself and texted him back asking if the line had been cut off. He ignored my text. I was furious and called him again one day later at work, but acted calm and asked him why he hadn't replied. He said he had moved on and had a new gf, hence he hung up because he was with her. I had called him from a different number he didn't have. Needless to say how I felt, you know...I said he was on the rebound and it seemed to me he had tried to repress a laugh. He put the phone down. AGAIN! But I also think you did well and you have far less humiliated yourself like I did. I lived with this man for 2 years of my life and we had been together for nearly 3, just for him not to even know I exist now. Ok, I wasn't easy when I learned he had lost his feelings for me, but it was his indifference that caused my madness. I added salt to my wounds again too and I feel the same. But, at least, you still have left with more dignity than I have. *me thinks* Edited October 3, 2012 by Rosane
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