tattoomytoe Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 here is an update to the story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t42977/ well i still love my bf dearly, but i cannot get over NOt trusting him. it is making me miserable. i am always suspecting he has alterior motives...like anytime he gets a phone call, text message...when he is at work, since he works with mainly women, and at least TWO are texting him...i do not even want to think about the other women. but i am not the person i want to be, i am very unsure and uneasy, i am always on the "look out" for clues to tell me he has cheated again. i seem to be separating myself, putting up some walls, to protect myself for when this will happen again. i have spoken with him about how i am "get jealous" when any girl calls.... which i never used to be like that. i wanted him to go out and fun with his friends....now i want to know where he is, where he may be going, who goes, when will he be back. so i am thinking..i cannot be like this, I DO NOT want to be like this. and the only way i can see is for me to go. But when i tell him, he will more than likely convince me to stay. ultimately it will be the best thing for me, other than living with my parents...but i can also pay off some debt, and actually have some money..right now i am barely scraping by paying my car payment and rent, and goceries.....i can never splurge with out going with out food! so how do you knowfor sure? i love him soso much, but it hurts me soo bad being there right now.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Walking away from a relationship when you still love the person is one of the hardest things to do in my opinion. You feel as though you're torn in two by what you feel and want and what you know is the best thing for yourself. I think the feelings you're having are valid and justified and I can appreciate your need to consider ending the relationship. Have you thought about not going to extremes though and just moving out? Have you thought about the two of you starting back at the beginning and dating again?
Author tattoomytoe Posted July 21, 2004 Author Posted July 21, 2004 olivia- i kinda have thought that...but i am just so mixed up, i just do not know what to do...if i talk with him he reasons me out of what i am thinking, i feel ok, then it starts again.
CurlyIam Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Sarah, Take your time, think about it and when you're sure, when you're sure, move on! Not earlier nor later. If you leave too soon, even if it's the right thing, you'll always wonder! You'll always be thinking "what if ...". This man is not good enough for you to tourment yourself not one day. Not one second. Later... well, he ain't worth that either. It's a like a deep intimate process thet goes on inside it. You're not there yet. So pay attention and wait. Believe me, you'll know whan you want to leave. From my experience, after that, you'll deal with the last part: the guilt. Anyway, one step at the time. My advice to you is to look deep down inside you and accept what is there... then when you know, have the courage to act upon it. Lots of luck, Curly
alicia24 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 Was there anyhing significant he did for you to not trust him./ If not then try to get over your trust issues. Maybe talk to a mediator. Trust is a huge part of a relationship. If oyu dont have that than you have nothing
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 olivia- i kinda have thought that...but i am just so mixed up, i just do not know what to do...if i talk with him he reasons me out of what i am thinking, i feel ok, then it starts again. I understand. I have told my husband three times that I wanted to separate/divorce and he has talked me out of it. He has a way of reasoning things and making everything seem okay and for a few days I'm happy until the reality of what has happened over the years sets in and I feel weak and empty. I realized that until I moved out I would never truly know what I felt or what I wanted. Until I had that time alone to determine my true feelings I would never know them and all that would continue to happen is that my daily routine of life would suppress the underlying problems and it'd be the same thing I've done for the past four years. Just ignoring the problem and not dealing with it. It's hard for me to tell you what is best in your situation but for me I decided it was time to move out. I go looking at apartments this weekend. I'm scared to death, but I feel stronger. It's good to feel stronger. Maybe it'd make you feel stronger, too.
meanon Posted July 21, 2004 Posted July 21, 2004 tattoo, the way you have phrased your question tells me you know it's time to go. i cannot be like this, I DO NOT want to be like this. and the only way i can see is for me to go. You need to go for you because your trust in him has gone and you don't like what it has done to you, you can't live with it. If you were able to stay for longer it may well be that the trust would return, that the reassurance that you believe for a short time would last for longer, that you would find ways to make the doubt tolerable. Or it may be that your doubts would be confirmed. There are no right or wrong answers, no-one knows what the future holds. You need to know that, come what may, you will cope. You need to do whatever is necessary to enable you to achieve that, especially given that you have had difficulties with coping in your past. If you can achieve this within the relationship then stay but if, as I suspect, you need to leave in order to regain sufficient control of your life to cope then go. Read the threads from unrequited lovers, if he loves you he will keep trying to win you and you may feel more able to believe him when there is not so much of yourself at stake. Good luck.
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