First date signs that he is into you

[Eternal Sunshine]

So having been on 50+ first dates in the last couple of years, I will compile some signs that meant that I got the second date and that the guy is into me..

 

Note: this assumes that you have about average ability to read people.

 

In random order:

 

1. He seems animated/excited. Even the most reserved of guys get excited when they meet a girl they are attracted to. You will see it in his eyes, in the tone of his voice, in how much he is talking.

 

2. He asks questions about you that are more than just filler conversation. He will be interested about your background, your current lifestyle etc.

 

3. If there is a silence, he is quick to fill it. Don't jump to fill every silence. Conversation is 50/50. If he is keen, he WILL attempt to keep the flow going.

 

4. He is no rush to end the date. Save for some special circumstances (like being on his lunch hour)..he will want to keep it going. He may suggest another venue or just sit at the current one for 2+ hours.

 

5. He will compliment you. He will say something nice about your hair/dress/whatever.

 

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

 

7. He will walk you back to your train station/car etc.

 

8. Another big one: this also happened in about 95% of cases - he will text you in the few hours AFTER the date, to tell you that he had a good time or something along those lines.

 

9. Physical contact is irrelevant. Many guys are not fussed about being sexually aggressive on the first date, so this was not an indicator of anything.

 

10. Paying means nothing. Nearly 99% of guys will pay for you, even if they have no interest in seeing you again.

 

Hope this helps someone

[veggirl]

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

 

I think it is VERY bad to assume this means a guy likes you. Guys (and girls) do this ALL THE TIME and still bail. You can read LS for like 5 seconds and find threads of people who are soo confused because "he talked about future activities!"

 

Most of the things listed seem just like standard politeness / conversation. Most people will keep the convo going. Most people will ask you about yourself (what else are they gonna ask you about?).

 

I would never assume a guy digs me because he says "oh we should blahblahblah sometime"

 

The BEST indicator that a guy is into you? He asks for a second date at the end of the first.

[Ami1uwant]

 

Coming from a guy.....

In random order:

 

1. He seems animated/excited. Even the most reserved of guys get excited when they meet a girl they are attracted to. You will see it in his eyes, in the tone of his voice, in how much he is talking.

 

If they have been on quite a few 1st/2nd dates---no

 

2. He asks questions about you that are more than just filler conversation. He will be interested about your background, your current lifestyle etc.

 

3. If there is a silence, he is quick to fill it. Don't jump to fill every silence. Conversation is 50/50. If he is keen, he WILL attempt to keep the flow going.

 

4. He is no rush to end the date. Save for some special circumstances (like being on his lunch hour)..he will want to keep it going. He may suggest another venue or just sit at the current one for 2+ hours.

 

5. He will compliment you. He will say something nice about your hair/dress/whatever.

 

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

 

Not necessarily.....if they havent dated much they may forget to ask about a 2nd date yet talk about doing something. Sure if conversation comes out like what new movies you want to seeor music your listen to then it will come out about saying of going together. This also could mean nothing and just saying it to be polite.

 

7. He will walk you back to your train station/car etc.

 

8. Another big one: this also happened in about 95% of cases - he will text you in the few hours AFTER the date, to tell you that he had a good time or something along those lines.

 

Nope....nerves get the better of some men...they may opt to wait to ask you out again.....They will ask they had a good time and if you got home ok---but that really says nothing about date success or failure when it comes to dating again after the first meet.

9. Physical contact is irrelevant. Many guys are not fussed about being sexually aggressive on the first date, so this was not an indicator of anything.

 

Actually guys want some obvious sign you are interested in them...this can be done by touching the arm or shoulder...or doing something obvious. Many women think they showed signs they were interested but they didnt look in the mirro and see what they really displayed which says a lack of interes.

If I ask a woman a question she answers and then I ask a question and she answrs again and you have no conversation flowing I lost interest.

 

 

 

10. Paying means nothing. Nearly 99% of guys will pay for you, even if they have no interest in seeing you again.

 

They will pay just to be polite.....some will take offense if you insist on paying your part...it is hard to tell. I have no problem in her paying...but some guys dont

 

Hope this helps someone

 

 

You cant play games.....if you met online the personality you displayed say when talking on the phone should show up on the date...if it doesnt you are done.

If you get all quiet and he feels he has to force the conversation---you are done.

The most common mistake that men have found in dates----he'd rather hire you than date you. The women sometimes take this as a competition in a job interview trying to convince the person they are worthy of the job as his gf.

The dating is a two way street ---she has to put effort in it to.

The rules I have for online dating.....

If you had a good time and the conversations went well and their were no obvious red flags or other long term concerns (like you found out he was of a different religion that you didnt realize, you find out he didnt want kids, etc) then you should havea second date.

[runner]

I think it is VERY bad to assume this means a guy likes you. Guys (and girls) do this ALL THE TIME and still bail. You can read LS for like 5 seconds and find threads of people who are soo confused because "he talked about future activities!"

 

Most of the things listed seem just like standard politeness / conversation. Most people will keep the convo going. Most people will ask you about yourself (what else are they gonna ask you about?).

 

I would never assume a guy digs me because he says "oh we should blahblahblah sometime"

 

The BEST indicator that a guy is into you? He asks for a second date at the end of the first.

 

i dunno. i suppose it also depends on the guy in question, and his overall integrity ? i mean, if he references future outings without follow through, he's just being a tit (wuss).

 

but i whole heartedly agree with the bolded.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Uh I did say that he asks you out for a second date... (perhaps not explicitly)...BUT I never had someone talk extensively about future outings without asking me out again..perhaps I was just lucky

[Eternal Sunshine]

FYI,

 

I could TELL easily when a guy is making polite conversation and when he is genuinely excited about me. Out of 50+ dates, I have never been wrong on if they will ask me out again. Honestly, not one single time.

[veggirl]

Uh I did say that he asks you out for a second date... (perhaps not explicitly)...BUT I never had someone talk extensively about future outings without asking me out again..perhaps I was just lucky

 

I took it as just a vague "we should XYZ sometime".

 

I've just read tooooo many threads when gals are assuming dudes like em because they say something like that. I agree if it's something specific (we should go to XYZ on Weds) then THAT is a great sign...I was refering to the vague "we should go to XYZ sometime" that is seen here a LOT).

[somedude81]

50 first dates in a couple of years?

 

 

Is that like the average for a woman?

[Ninjainpajamas]

50 first dates in a couple of years?

 

 

Is that like the average for a woman?

 

Annnd the next question in a mans mind will be...

 

How many of them did she sleep with!

 

But don't worry somedude, probably not the average for most women...It's around 48 to 49ish

[Hawaii50]

I have a penis and I appove this message.

[Emilia]

50 first dates in a couple of years?

 

 

Is that like the average for a woman?

 

No. and it's not 48 or 49 either to quote ninja

[oaks]

So what do I have to do to actually get that second date?

[oaks]

1. He seems animated/excited. Even the most reserved of guys get excited when they meet a girl they are attracted to. You will see it in his eyes, in the tone of his voice, in how much he is talking.

Agreed. Looking back, I'm sure this applies to me.

5. He will compliment you. He will say something nice about your hair/dress/whatever.

 

I would probably do this even if I was 'on the fence' about the woman (but would still be able to do it without it being a lie - obviously I would pick something I genuinely like about her to compliment), but I wouldn't see the point in offering a compliment to someone I didn't like (even if it was a pretty dress etc).

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

I'm bad at doing this, for a few reasons, even when I think "it would be nice to do Xxx with her". Firstly, I might feel that 'assuming' there would be a future meeting would be presumptuous, and secondly, I want to avoid something being interpreted as future faking (or whatever it's called). That's just my own idiosyncrasy, rather than any wisdom, but how should I avoid it seeming presumptuous?

 

7. He will walk you back to your train station/car etc.

Absolutely! If I don't want to see her I'm quite happy to be walking in the opposite direction as soon as it's polite to do so.

 

8. Another big one: this also happened in about 95% of cases - he will text you in the few hours AFTER the date, to tell you that he had a good time or something along those lines.

 

Yes. I didn't used to do this, but I've learned that it's well received... so I do it.

[Janesays]

My #1 indicator that a guy likes me:

 

1. He tells you he is really into you.

 

If he doesn't flat out say, "Look I really like you and I want to see where this goes," I just assume he's not.

 

It's foolproof!

[mesmerized]

My #1 indicator that a guy likes me:

 

1. He tells you he is really into you.

 

If he doesn't flat out say, "Look I really like you and I want to see where this goes," I just assume he's not.

 

It's foolproof!

 

I've had a guy who said this and showed almost all of the above, yet he didn't call me again (that is after second date). Im actually relieved he didn't because i didnt want to see him again.

[Jane2011]

So having been on 50+ first dates in the last couple of years, I will compile some signs that meant that I got the second date and that the guy is into me..

 

Note: this assumes that you have about average ability to read people.

 

In random order:

 

1. He seems animated/excited. Even the most reserved of guys get excited when they meet a girl they are attracted to. You will see it in his eyes, in the tone of his voice, in how much he is talking.

 

2. He asks questions about you that are more than just filler conversation. He will be interested about your background, your current lifestyle etc.

 

3. If there is a silence, he is quick to fill it. Don't jump to fill every silence. Conversation is 50/50. If he is keen, he WILL attempt to keep the flow going.

 

4. He is no rush to end the date. Save for some special circumstances (like being on his lunch hour)..he will want to keep it going. He may suggest another venue or just sit at the current one for 2+ hours.

 

5. He will compliment you. He will say something nice about your hair/dress/whatever.

 

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

 

7. He will walk you back to your train station/car etc.

 

8. Another big one: this also happened in about 95% of cases - he will text you in the few hours AFTER the date, to tell you that he had a good time or something along those lines.

 

9. Physical contact is irrelevant. Many guys are not fussed about being sexually aggressive on the first date, so this was not an indicator of anything.

 

10. Paying means nothing. Nearly 99% of guys will pay for you, even if they have no interest in seeing you again.

 

Hope this helps someone

 

Good list.

 

For the record, my experience has been like yours. I've never had a guy suggest future activities and then blow me off. But I'm sure it happens.

 

As a matter of fact, I've pretty much never gone a date where the guy wasn't subsequently interested in me for a second date. I think I've always made a good impression. It's at the first stage that I would get rejected -- that is, whether to talk to me or ask me out at all. Or, if online dating, I've had plenty of instances of messaging a guy and him not replying.

[Andy_K]

I've had a guy who said this and showed almost all of the above, yet he didn't call me again (that is after second date). Im actually relieved he didn't because i didnt want to see him again.

 

Sometime's we're not completely clueless, and stop pursuing because we realise you're not interested, even if we are

[mesmerized]

Sometime's we're not completely clueless, and stop pursuing because we realise you're not interested, even if we are

 

Hmmm, I don't think I showed lack of interest though he might have realized that I'm not head over the heels about him. I think the reason he told me all this was'nt because he meant them, he was hoping to seduce me/ get into my pants by acting that way. I realized on second date that he was actually a player.

[filani]

Sometime's we're not completely clueless, and stop pursuing because we realize you're just stringing us along

 

There..... I fixed that post for ya Andy.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Annnd the next question in a mans mind will be...

 

How many of them did she sleep with!

 

But don't worry somedude, probably not the average for most women...It's around 48 to 49ish

 

You would be surprised.

 

It's easy to get first date with me but second one is in infinitely harder. But then, if I go out with someone again, I dig the guy and will keep dating him unless he dumps me or throws a major red flag.

 

I also don't sleep with guys unless we are exclusive, so I only slept with 3 in the last couple of years..not that many at all

[pandagirl]

Signs:

 

-Lots of eye contact

-He will act a bit shy, like he's nervous

-Body language

[Eternal Sunshine]

Good list.

 

For the record, my experience has been like yours. I've never had a guy suggest future activities and then blow me off. But I'm sure it happens.

 

As a matter of fact, I've pretty much never gone a date where the guy wasn't subsequently interested in me for a second date. I think I've always made a good impression. It's at the first stage that I would get rejected -- that is, whether to talk to me or ask me out at all. Or, if online dating, I've had plenty of instances of messaging a guy and him not replying.

 

Same here...

 

I have also never been dumped by anyone without seeing it coming. There were always signs. I am sometimes surprised when I see threads like "everything was going so great and then he stopped calling/dumped me" I am sure it happens but I can't really relate to it.

 

Or..."Our marriage was perfect. There was not a single clue that he had that affair for 5 years". I always wonder how is that possible? Either they weren't very close or those women are completely clueless at reading signs.

 

The thing, is men will always give themselves away. It's in the inconsistencies in words and actions, it's in the vagueness, unexplained distancing periods, body language. I have never seen a man successfully cover ALL the bases in his deception. If he did, I would actually be impressed. I would still dump him though

[BetheButterfly]

 

1. He seems animated/excited. Even the most reserved of guys get excited when they meet a girl they are attracted to. You will see it in his eyes, in the tone of his voice, in how much he is talking.

 

Hello Eternal Sunshine,

 

When my hubby and I met for the first time, I did notice all the signs you list.

 

In our phone conversations beforehand (we met online) to when we met, till this day, I do see a sparkle in his eyes when he talks to me, as well as a special tone in his voice. For the record, I have that same sparkle in my eyes for him and a special tone for him too!

 

2. He asks questions about you that are more than just filler conversation. He will be interested about your background, your current lifestyle etc.

 

Very true

 

3. If there is a silence, he is quick to fill it. Don't jump to fill every silence. Conversation is 50/50. If he is keen, he WILL attempt to keep the flow going.

 

On the phone, we didn't have silence, though we did talk about how when you get to know someone really well, you feel comfortable enough to enjoy silence. When we first met, we had a tiny bit of silence, but that was when we were holding hands overlooking the pier... it felt right to be silent then for us.

 

4. He is no rush to end the date. Save for some special circumstances (like being on his lunch hour)..he will want to keep it going. He may suggest another venue or just sit at the current one for 2+ hours.

 

Very true.

 

5. He will compliment you. He will say something nice about your hair/dress/whatever.

 

Yep

 

6. This is a big one. He will reference things that you can do in the future. A new movie that he would love to see with you, some party, etc. He will also more than likely inquire about your availability for seeing you again. This happened in about 95% of the cases of getting a second date.

 

Yep, and will follow up on it!

 

7. He will walk you back to your train station/car etc.

 

Yep, and remind you to change the oil in your car if it's due lol.

 

8. Another big one: this also happened in about 95% of cases - he will text you in the few hours AFTER the date, to tell you that he had a good time or something along those lines.

 

or call. I personally think calling is much better, and I love hearing his voice. Texting does not add that beautiful sense of hearing.

 

9. Physical contact is irrelevant. Many guys are not fussed about being sexually aggressive on the first date, so this was not an indicator of anything.

 

I disagree. My hubby couldn't let go of my hand or stop touching me (putting his hand on my shoulder or touching my hair) when we first met. If the guy is a natural touchy-feely person, physical touch is relevant. It means contact and a beginning of an emotional connection.

 

10. Paying means nothing. Nearly 99% of guys will pay for you, even if they have no interest in seeing you again.

 

Agreed

 

Hope this helps someone

 

Great list!

[Negative Nancy]

If you have to ask on this forum, he's not into you.

 

A man who is interested will show that he is interested and there will be no guessing, no ambivalence, no waiting by the phone.

[Ami1uwant]

Good list.

 

For the record, my experience has been like yours. I've never had a guy suggest future activities and then blow me off. But I'm sure it happens.

 

As a matter of fact, I've pretty much never gone a date where the guy wasn't subsequently interested in me for a second date. I think I've always made a good impression. It's at the first stage that I would get rejected -- that is, whether to talk to me or ask me out at all. Or, if online dating, I've had plenty of instances of messaging a guy and him not replying.

 

 

Second date doesnt necessarily mean lonf term interest....but guys look at it I want to learn more about you.

 

Yes they can suggest things to do and not follow through. Why??? Its usually because either he or she backs out.

 

TYou never assume you are the only one they dated. They are likely dating others. Its possible they are farther alonfg with others anfd have you ranked. They back out/blow off/etc because in that time span the felt closer with another person or decided to be exclusive with that other person. Its nothing you did that turned them off but what the other person did was just better.