blindfuture Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 We've been dating for about two years. I recently proposed and we're getting married in 2013. She's 37, and I'm 32. She's now driving me crazy to get her pregnant. I agreed for one child, but I am not ready right now. She says her doc said we need to start trying in a few months. I just do not know if I will be ready. Other issues are she will not move in with me until closer to the wedding, cause it will take a 40 min. drive each way to get to work. Right now, she lives about a mile away from work and is there in a few minutes. She claims she comes over a lot, but it is mostly I am going there. She's not be here in over a month. She claims she's doing all the changes in the relationship, as she has to move to my place (no one is forcing her, but I own, she rents), she's going to be farther from her family and friends (a whole 10 minutes father), and she will have to battle traffic each day (about 40 mins each way, sometimes a little more on the way home). I, while work from home, have to drive into the city at least three times a week (1 hr or more). In terms of doing things, she rarely wants to exercise with me (I am big on this, always has), she was big on exercise, but that's gone by the waist side too (no pun intended). The continuous pressure she's putting on me for this child is crazy. I love the woman and I am in love with her too, but I am just not ready. As for the other stuff, that has been a problem too. As for sex? We used to have it at least a few times a week. I am lucky if we have sex once a week. Sometimes, we do not have sex for as much as a month. I am just lost. Everything was fine, then, after we were engaged, things changed, and not for the better. I try to say it is just me and I will get used to it, but I am not happy. I do not want to loose her, but I really just do not know what to do. I've tried to make it easier where I come there, go to her with her family dinners and occasions, etc. We basically see each other over the weekends, and we go out to eat and maybe a movie. I always thought it was better dating older so you get away from the drama. How do I save this relationship?
the ill-made knight Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 First, be honest with her. Tell her everything you've said here. Second, talk with her about some changes that might fix things.
Quiet Storm Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 You told her that you would have one child. Now she wants you to put your money where your mouth is. For many women, one of the most important things in life is becoming a mother. I can understand why she is in a rush, as fertility and the chances of having a healthy baby decrease with age. With her doctor telling her this, she is probably thinking, "He's decided to marry me anyway. Why should we wait until he's "ready", when waiting will decrease our chances of having a healthy baby. Why would he put me and our baby at a higher risk, when he's decided to live a life with me anyway?" What do you need to be ready? Do you really want a child, or did you just say that to appease her? Your reluctance is probably making her question everything. It's hard to be loving and sexual with someone that you feel is holding you back from one of the most important things in your life. If you don't want to be a father, be honest about it. If you do want to be a father, understand that every year that goes by there will be more of a risk for her and your child. Don't you want to give your baby the best chance? I got pregnant at 19. We were high school sweethearts and had only been married three months. We weren't ready. We were broke. We were juggling school and jobs. I was scared. But once I saw that little face (he's 16 now), I knew that no matter what, it would work out. And it did. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. We are still together with three kids now. If we had waited until we were "ready" we would've missed out on a great kid.
newmoon Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) these are not problems in the relationship as much as they are issues that should have been addressed before getting engaged, especially the baby-making situation. age does not = less drama, it does equal more maturity and that is basically what you're dealing with here - a mature woman who is now asking for what she wants and needs based on your desire to marry her. so, you're either on board with it... or not. and 'starting to try int he next few months' does not mean you'd even be a father anytime soon - lots of couples struggle with pregnancies issues and it could still be many years down the road Edited September 7, 2012 by newmoon
SJC2008 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 You met her at 35 and should of seen this comming.Her clock is ticking so I understand where she's comming from. OTOH just becasue her clock is ticking it does not mean you have to get her pregnant at her calling. That being said, these are the things that need to be discussed during dating that mabye .00000001% of people talk about. You are 32 and seem to have a good job so what's the reason you aren't ready?
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