Necris Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I just wanted to know how you guys feel about these two methods of approaching women, what are the pros and cons of each, which one do you do, which one you feel is better, etc. I think its probably time I changed the way I approach I typically do the social circle method, but I have had zero success my entire life, so maybe I should try cold approaching alot more. Unfortunately I'm terribly uncharismatic and terrible at speaking in general so I don't know. Cold approaching to me kind of just seems useless, unless you are extremely charismatic and good at getting women's interest from the start, because honestly if I were a woman and some random stranger that I know nothing about tried asking me out I will probably be alot more inclined to just say "no.".
ThaWholigan Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I just wanted to know how you guys feel about these two methods of approaching women, what are the pros and cons of each, which one do you do, which one you feel is better, etc. I think its probably time I changed the way I approach I typically do the social circle method, but I have had zero success my entire life, so maybe I should try cold approaching alot more. Unfortunately I'm terribly uncharismatic and terrible at speaking in general so I don't know. Cold approaching to me kind of just seems useless, unless you are extremely charismatic and good at getting women's interest from the start, because honestly if I were a woman and some random stranger that I know nothing about tried asking me out I will probably be alot more inclined to just say "no.". Both have their advantages. Cold approaches helps you naturally calibrate to talking to women despite not knowing them. Social Circle helps women get to know you a little bit more and it's easy to talk to them because you already know them. Plus you have the status within that circle that everyone knows you to an extent. I wasn't charismatic from the start, I managed to learn how to be that way eventually - although it was for being better at interviews as well as being better with women, and better at rapping/writing/performing. You have to stop telling yourself that you're terrible at speaking and being charismatic and learn how to do it. It's going to be very difficult admittedly if you feel it's hard, but if you really want to get better at it, you can learn. You can fall into your own comfortable style.
Joaquin Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Don't change approaches, just be open to all possibilities, incl. cold approaches, friends, work, neighbours, sisters friends.. You really never know where you might find someone nice. 1
MrCastle Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) Social circle pros: Social proof, the woman knows you, gets to see how you interact in a social setting, friends of hers may put in a good word for you, if you have solid social proof, and the girl gets a chance to know you, you have a better chance of landing a girl much more attractive than yourself Cons: If you have no social proof or pretty girls in your circle, you're done. If you have a messy breakup, you may have to see them on occasion. Cold approach pros: You get to target your choice as opposed to dealing with whatever is in your social circle. Cold approach cons: Higher rate of rejection, it's public rejection, just because you find her physically attractive doesn't mean she has the personality you're looking for, you know nothing about her 95% of my game is social circle. The remaining 5 is what I call warm approaches, where I approach girls giving me IOI's and I have a reason to talk to her. I don't walk up to random women on the street and try to talk to them. For what it's worth, I'm a 24 year old college student in new york with a pretty wide ranging group of friends, never in my life have I met someone who's cold approached a girl or if they have, had any kind of success at all in terms of getting a date or even so much as a text back. Edited September 6, 2012 by MrCastle
oldshirt Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 cold approach vs social circle vs bar scene vs online dating vs screwing the neighbor's dog all have their pros and cons but in the end it all boils down to do you have the traits and characteristics that women find attractive and desirable? If you look like crap, have no social or interpersonal skills, no personality, no education or marketable job skills and no particular talents other than online gaming or spanking to porn, you aren't going to be swim'n in women no matter what you do. Conversely if you are fit and healthy, well groomed and stylishly dressed, have good social skills and are able to communicate and interact with people on a personal level and you are a generally competent human being with a legitimate means of supporting yourself and a family (or the reasonable potential to do that in the foreseeable future) then again, you will likely have many options and successes regardless of the method. Think of this like marketing a product. Step # 1 is to have a worthwhile product to offer. Once that is established then you can try to determine which marketing approach might be the most efficient to market it. 1
Author Necris Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Social Circle >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cold approaches I'm not quite sure if I put in enough >s there to indicate the massive difference. There are a million advantages to social circle dating - you know their situation, you know what they're into, you have some natural rapport because you guys are in the same social circle, etc... That's what I thought, I feel so much more comfortable talking to a girl in my social circle then complete strangers who are not very comfortable with a strange man talking to them. But regardless I fail in both situations.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Here's another thing to consider. If you are bad at talking to people who know you and like you enough to be in the same group of friends, why would you do any better with strangers? Personally I vastly prefer to build the widest possible social circles and date people in those circles. That is a more natural way to do this than either OLD or cold approaches. (Think what it was like when we were hunter gatherers living in small bands.) 1
jobaba Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I just wanted to know how you guys feel about these two methods of approaching women, what are the pros and cons of each, which one do you do, which one you feel is better, etc. I think its probably time I changed the way I approach I typically do the social circle method, but I have had zero success my entire life, so maybe I should try cold approaching alot more. Unfortunately I'm terribly uncharismatic and terrible at speaking in general so I don't know. Cold approaching to me kind of just seems useless, unless you are extremely charismatic and good at getting women's interest from the start, because honestly if I were a woman and some random stranger that I know nothing about tried asking me out I will probably be alot more inclined to just say "no.". This advice is specifically catered towards you OP, since I know somewhat your situation. Different advice works different for different men. All of my relationships (the very few of them) have come from social circles. I recommend doing it that way. However it comes with a caveat. You have to act soon and go through a lot of numbers. The women I have dated in my social circle I have not known well before dating them. Social circle really means a lot of things: co-workers, classmates, band mates, meetup friends, friends of friends, friends of relatives. Once you establish a common ground, however little it may be, it gets rid of the creepiness/stranger factor, or at least some of it. But the barrier of physical attraction is still there. You will still face a LOT of rejection. I have never gotten anything out of cold approach beyond a few dates, but I would continue to do it. It increases your courage and it's like playing the lottery. Who knows, ya know?
MercuryMorrison1 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Personally I've only had one experience with the ''cold approche'' and interestingly enough it was her who sought me out. She was very attractive and put up a good show at first...I really thought I had scored big, but after a couple weeks of having sex and spending time together she became insatiably clingly and even wept like a child when I told her that things were moving to fast...So I ended the relationship then and there because of her behavior. Of course, this is an extreme example of a ''cold approche'' but the rest of my dating life has consisted of the social circle types. Girls I knew already and/or girls I met threw friends. I really do want to improve my cold approche game though...I think it could be a very beneficial tool if used properly.
counterman Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Invest your time in expanding your social circle. Make an effort to go to as many events as possible. Actively pursue your hobbies and get to know people who share the same hobbies. Having a wide, active social circle will allow you to meet more girls. As for saying your terrible at speaking in general and uncharismatic... you can certainly work on it! Practise talking to people, especially girls and don't feel too bad if interactions don't go as well as you wanted. It's ok and it's not the end of the world. Just keep at it and you'll get better. Cold approaching has helped me a lot in this aspect, and now I'm much more confident when talking to women. Bare in mind though, there is a high rejection rate with cold approaching.
runner Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Social Circle >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cold approaches I'm not quite sure if I put in enough >s there to indicate the massive difference. There are a million advantages to social circle dating - you know their situation, you know what they're into, you have some natural rapport because you guys are in the same social circle, etc... yep. i find that more girls aren't as apprehensive when they can verify who you are to some extent from common acquaintances. (on a side note: there is something fundamentally unnatural with cold approaching, but that's another thread in itself). and OP, don't assume that 'social circle' implies a single group. i'm personally involved in several unrelated social circles. my visibility is ridiculous to the point that i have to (almost) schedule alone time on my calendar
GirlontheLam Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Well I am a little strange. I am the official "social butterfly" in my circle. So basically it is always my goal to expand the social circle. I tend to meet most people in social outings (meetup, happy hour, networking events). But I also meet people in line, store clerks, people at coffee shops. The "cold approach" is more rare, but I think that's only because there typically isn't quite enough time to form the "chemistry" that is needed for a friendship or a relationship. If you can get the chemistry, then it definitely works. I don't know, but I find that the people that cold approach me are a little "wrong" and the ones I "cold approach" don't seem to get the hint always. So my goal is to be a little more "proactive." I do a lot better at the social hour type things where I don't know many people, and then I have to go and make new friends while I am there. If I have existing close friends, then I get lazy and don't meet many new people. I think it is good for everyone to develop confidence when socializing with strangers. It is good for your personal life and professional life.
jcrew11 Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 For cold approach, practice your salesmanship. Imagine you are selling something, and trying to get them to buy something or a product. Imagine trying to sell them the latest coolest thing.
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