Neil123 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) I believe my ex is a commitment phobe. In fact she told me she believed she was before we got together. We had been best friends for years before we started our intense but rocky relationship which ended 2 months ago, after a year. Before we got together, it was the typical situation - she'd say she loves me but doesn't want to give it a try, i'd back off and she'd come back crying. Rinse and repeat. I don't want to get into diagnosing her, but our relationship had all the signs - intense feeling of 'true love', pushing and pulling, fights over commitment, a lot of heartbreak etc. I ended it with her as I felt backed against a wall and neither of us were happy, though we loved each other deeply. I didn't want to do it but felt forced. A week after ending it, I asked for another chance and she said she she's happier now. Last week we met up to say goodbye and she still cried and cried. Anyways, i read a book called 'she's scared, he's scared' which is about relationships between two commitment phobes - an active partner and a passive partner. Before I read it I was in a very bad place but it all sounded too familiar. It answered all my questions and I now feel I can move on happily if I need to. Though, I do wish we could work through our problems instead of giving up. My initial plan was to send her a copy of the book and encourage her to read it and see if she can identify with it. The problem is that 90% of me is sure she has commitment issues (as she admitted), and the other 10% thinks she's still only 22 (young but issues could still be there), is very ambitious and may actually be too busy - which is her excuse. Either way, sending it to her will only be met with a negative emotion. We both start new jobs within the month and we've accepted we're going our separate ways. So here's my plan: I ordered her a copy of the book. I'm going to put it somewhere where I'll forget I have it. I'm ready to move on with my life and I'm going to forget about her and the book. I'm going to live my life with no expectations or hope for us. I'm going to focus on myself and date new people. If she does contact me, then that will confirm to me that she has conflict issues. Then I will tell her I don't want a friendship but I will encourage her to read the book which I'll give to her. Then I'll wait and see how she feels. How does that sound? I've tried to be as mature and fair to both of us as I can be. Edited September 6, 2012 by Neil123
Author Neil123 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Hehe, i'll take the lack of responses and lack of people screaming advice at me as a sign that my plan is good and very rational?
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