Coyoteloco Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Hey so its been about of 1 month an a half since my break up with my 6 year first love, i was wondering if from here everything gets better or if theres still darkness in my future :S, im feeling u could say good right now, and its been 9 days since the last time we had contact, but before that there was also a period of no contact. For some weird reason i feel like she is not in this country anymore, or that she doesnt exist its a weird feeling lol i just avoid seeing pictures of her. I mean things will start getting better from now on? im really loosing the hope that she will ever come back, but i have fear that when she gets a new boyfriend this will get to the worst part :S also, should i avoid seeing her? if i got a birthday and she is going should i not go? or that is taking it too far? lol
Author Coyoteloco Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 ??? ok dude if im in denial how do i get rid of the denial?
Mike_d Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 there is the story about the monkey who see's the fruit inside the jar. monkey reaches in and grabs fruit, but monkey can't pull hand AND fruit out, hand is stuck. If monkey lets go of fruit then hand comes out, but monkey wants fruit so hand stays stuck. Monkey continues to seek fruit, hand stays stuck 4
salmagundi Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I wish I knew...maybe try experiencing shame at the ridiculous things denial makes you do and say in the presenceof your ex?
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Mike_d's got the idea. It's kind of just like the monkey analogy; the answer is easy it's just hard to see it right now (letting go). What I've noticed so far is the way I feel comes in waves more than anything. At first, it was everyday depression, crying, exhausted, unhappy, loathing, self-pity, feeling like there was no way I was going to get through another day, etc. Then, about a month and a half later I felt like I cold go a day or two without crying at all but then have another 4-5 days of feeling that depression again. Two months in I noticed I'd get more "good" days between the bad days. Example: 3 good days, 2 bad days, 3 good days, 3-4 bad days. I'm three months out now and I catch myself laughing here and there again. I don't have a desire to reach out to him (but he made that easy, it ended badly), I have glimpses of a future without him in it that I can see worth living. I'm concentrating on work a little more. It's very gradual and you don't feel like the waves will ever let up but they do, just slowly. The thing I've found that helps me is not being upset that I'm still not myself again. Instead of fighting against feeling bad, let yourself feel sad - don't fight it. We waste so much energy trying to push it all away when it won't do us any good. Let it hit you but don't let it take you over. Try thinking of yourself as a split personailty so to speak, when you're having a hard moment. Acknowledge the sadness and go through the motions of your day-to-day routine. It's okay to just go through the motions without feeling "happy" right now. That's totally normal and this too shall pass. We'll all be gut bustingly happy again at some point. Until then, hope that helps at least a little. 1
Author Coyoteloco Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 yes i agree that day by day the thought of my ex inside my head fades a lil bit more, and now im able to live my life without that being the first thing on my mind, its like its there but not so strong. Today is our 6 year anyversary :/ , its going to be a weird day.
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