Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Hi guys - would love to hear what you think about this one Met a 31 year old man online 4 months ago. In contact everyday via email - did not ask for my phone number, so I didn't either. Two months in, we arrange to meet - he initiated, timing was inconvenient for me so asked to reschedule. His response: 'You chose xyz activity over seeing me!' – I laughed that off. I asked him to meet up when I got back - it was inconvenient for him. Then I was traveling abroad, so he said so was he to see family, so he suggested we meet up abroad. We finally met last week. I was 30mins late, called to let him know I was running late. I arrive, he keeps grilling me for a good 5mins asking why I was late. I apologised, he still grilled so I laughed it off. Moving on, lots of eye contact, he seems interested, massive smile when he first saw me as he couldn't remember what I looked like, then things started to become serious all of a sudden. He's interrogating me - seriously, he was bombarding me with questions about my life, my upbringing, etc. He opened up a little too - talked about his feelings re his parents which I thought was sweet. Then the bombarding again - I felt uncomfortable and tried to keep it light-hearted and fun as first meet ups should be, but then he would turn it all serious again. This is not normal for humorous women like me, eek! 75mins in, I notice he starts sneaking peeks at his watch - I didn't say anything. Then he got a call - he'll be making a move in 5mins he says to the guy he's on the phone with. No apology for taking a call while on a date, nothing - so I said, 'shall we make a move?'. He was like 'No , why?', so I said - you just said on the phone you'll be making a move in 5mins. So he was like, 'no it's ok we still have 5 mins plus you were the one who was late'. Erm ok. At that point I start to feel awkward as if I’m being blown off, so continued eating my dessert while he bombarded me with questions - where would I like to bring up my children? Would I be open to live in another country? Really strange questions to be asking someone you just met! 5 mins is up - and this is the best part: he starts to glide across the couch he was sitting on, slowly gets up (as if I'm not noticing this!) and stands up. I am watching this and in my head I'm like - Ok, so I guess that's my cue to get up and leave. No let's go, not a word. So I got up and started walking down to the exit, he's walking next to me, asks me where I'm parked, blah blah. We reach the door and walk out, he stands there awkwardly as if I’m holding him up, so I extend my hand to shake and say, ‘well it was lovely meeting you’, then he responds with, ‘I’m leaving on Sunday’ (which was the day after we met up), so I reply, ‘yes, I know’, so he says, ‘I’ll be in touch’. I say, ‘Ok, bye’. I get in my car and leave. “I’ll be in touch”? What the beep?! Needless to say, it’s been 6 days since we met and he hasn’t been in touch, haha. I did send an email yesterday (5 days after we met) the crux of it was: thank you for taking the time to meet, you looked better than your picture (really he did) and that at this point I had mixed feelings but would like to keep in touch but if he would rather not, that’s fine. No response. And obviously, I won’t be initiating again. Now, on to you – what I want to know is, is this a classic case of ‘he’s just not that into you’?
jobaba Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I don't date like that. If i meet a woman on a date and she is at least cool, Ill keep the door open for dating or friendship. To be honest, I have had relationships with women who in retrospect I wasn't that into, and it ends out great. We have fun, do things, and when it's all over, nobody's feeling get hurt. It's like a really cool friendship with sex thrown in. 1
TigerCub Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 For the most part would side with you - BUT, you were 30 minutes late to a first date. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have waited around. Maybe that made him think that you weren't into him. For sure talking on the phone and not even apologizing for it is rude. Overall doesn't even seem like a good match, he's too serious and you want to laugh off most things. (not that there is anything wrong with being light hearted and bubbly) but you guys don't seem like a match. 1
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yikes, that is one HELL of an awkward date. I wouldn't even have reached out if I were you, that sounds creepy, and just way too intense... and then acts like you're not even there, taking calls, getting up without saying a word, that kid never woulda heard from me again. 4
todreaminblue Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Hi guys - would love to hear what you think about this one Met a 31 year old man online 4 months ago. In contact everyday via email - did not ask for my phone number, so I didn't either. Two months in, we arrange to meet - he initiated, timing was inconvenient for me so asked to reschedule. His response: 'You chose xyz activity over seeing me!' – I laughed that off. I asked him to meet up when I got back - it was inconvenient for him. Then I was traveling abroad, so he said so was he to see family, so he suggested we meet up abroad. We finally met last week. I was 30mins late, called to let him know I was running late. I arrive, he keeps grilling me for a good 5mins asking why I was late. I apologised, he still grilled so I laughed it off. Moving on, lots of eye contact, he seems interested, massive smile when he first saw me as he couldn't remember what I looked like, then things started to become serious all of a sudden. He's interrogating me - seriously, he was bombarding me with questions about my life, my upbringing, etc. He opened up a little too - talked about his feelings re his parents which I thought was sweet. Then the bombarding again - I felt uncomfortable and tried to keep it light-hearted and fun as first meet ups should be, but then he would turn it all serious again. This is not normal for humorous women like me, eek! 75mins in, I notice he starts sneaking peeks at his watch - I didn't say anything. Then he got a call - he'll be making a move in 5mins he says to the guy he's on the phone with. No apology for taking a call while on a date, nothing - so I said, 'shall we make a move?'. He was like 'No , why?', so I said - you just said on the phone you'll be making a move in 5mins. So he was like, 'no it's ok we still have 5 mins plus you were the one who was late'. Erm ok. At that point I start to feel awkward as if I’m being blown off, so continued eating my dessert while he bombarded me with questions - where would I like to bring up my children? Would I be open to live in another country? Really strange questions to be asking someone you just met! 5 mins is up - and this is the best part: he starts to glide across the couch he was sitting on, slowly gets up (as if I'm not noticing this!) and stands up. I am watching this and in my head I'm like - Ok, so I guess that's my cue to get up and leave. No let's go, not a word. So I got up and started walking down to the exit, he's walking next to me, asks me where I'm parked, blah blah. We reach the door and walk out, he stands there awkwardly as if I’m holding him up, so I extend my hand to shake and say, ‘well it was lovely meeting you’, then he responds with, ‘I’m leaving on Sunday’ (which was the day after we met up), so I reply, ‘yes, I know’, so he says, ‘I’ll be in touch’. I say, ‘Ok, bye’. I get in my car and leave. “I’ll be in touch”? What the beep?! Needless to say, it’s been 6 days since we met and he hasn’t been in touch, haha. I did send an email yesterday (5 days after we met) the crux of it was: thank you for taking the time to meet, you looked better than your picture (really he did) and that at this point I had mixed feelings but would like to keep in touch but if he would rather not, that’s fine. No response. And obviously, I won’t be initiating again. Now, on to you – what I want to know is, is this a classic case of ‘he’s just not that into you’? "No response. And obviously, I won’t be initiating again." "why would it matter if you wont be initiating again? Why do you want to know if he is just not that into you? was a pretty cool movie what i remember of it. Only he knows if he was into you or not no one on here can correctly ascertain what he was feeling or showing because your view is bias, based on opinions and beliefs about yourself i actually learn that one last night so i pass it on went to a really motivational womens' empowerment group with an excellent speaker who made a lot of sense to me.I think its good to be honest its not good to hide anything what you are thinking about another unless of course its mean or nasty then you dont have to say it .....but when it comes to sharing i know its hard, to open up but if you see it from a different side....he wanted to get to know all about you i dont see bad in that i see interest not disinterest, i think its worse for someone to totally disregard what you say to not be interested in your life or your thoughts....its just walking bodies interacting then...... but i respect how you felt, that it made you uncomfortable, i understand you might find it hard to open up....i find it a sign(in my opinion) "he is just not that into you" when a guy only wants one thing that is the classification i give a one nighter or a guy who doesnt ask you questions......or someone who is looking for just physical satisfaction....that's not into you....that is pure self satisfaction..... I cant answer anymore because the post was a little confusing if you can tell me why you obviously wont be intiating contact again and why you care about the fact he is into you or not if you are not initiating contact again it might become more obvious to me what you are asking and I might be able to help some more......best wishes .........deb 1
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 He was upset you were late. He mentioned it. Probably acted serious with you because he felt you weren't taking the date seriously by being late. He also did the stupid phone call to try and get under your skin. It was nice of you to email him but what you wrote was kind of insulting, even though you probably didn't mean it that way. There is no future here. Onto the next one. 1
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 I don't date like that. If i meet a woman on a date and she is at least cool, Ill keep the door open for dating or friendship. To be honest, I have had relationships with women who in retrospect I wasn't that into, and it ends out great. We have fun, do things, and when it's all over, nobody's feeling get hurt. It's like a really cool friendship with sex thrown in. Hello Jobaba - love it, that's the spirit! Agree (minus the sex though ) - even if you didn't get along on a date no need to end it there, being friends is much better than cutting off completely unless you do something outrageously bad! Plus you can never really tell what a person is like in 75mins
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 For the most part would side with you - BUT, you were 30 minutes late to a first date. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have waited around. Maybe that made him think that you weren't into him. For sure talking on the phone and not even apologizing for it is rude. Overall doesn't even seem like a good match, he's too serious and you want to laugh off most things. (not that there is anything wrong with being light hearted and bubbly) but you guys don't seem like a match. Thanks TigerCub! I did call and say I was running late and that I was sorry for the delay I did think about that, that's why I thought let me make it clear that I was open to maintaining contact with him and wasn't going to write him off - cue the email after we met up. Lol - very true! Life is too short, plus it was the first time we had met after 4 months of online correspondence, I just wanted to feel him out in a non threatening and laid back way, not interrogate him like he was on an interview *cringe* :s
Maeva Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Now, on to you – what I want to know is, is this a classic case of ‘he’s just not that into you’? Probably. But I'm thinking it's a good thing. Did you even like him?! You don't sound like you had a good time nor a great date! He sounds a little weird... What's with the interrogating and saying 'He'll make a move in 5 minutes' without letting you know what's going on? Who does that?! If I have to leave when I'm on a date, I'll tell the guy something like 'sorry but my friend needs to talk/see me/whatever' and give some kind of explanation. Sure, I might be a little pissed if my date would be 30 minutes late, but then I'd get over it, given I sort of like the person. Like some other people said, it doesn't sound like a good match. Maybe he's not into you, but are you REALLY into him anyways? Sounds like an ackward date! 1
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 "No response. And obviously, I won’t be initiating again." "why would it matter if you wont be initiating again? Why do you want to know if he is just not that into you? was a pretty cool movie what i remember of it. Only he knows if he was into you or not no one on here can correctly ascertain what he was feeling or showing because your view is bias, based on opinions and beliefs about yourself i actually learn that one last night so i pass it on went to a really motivational womens' empowerment group with an excellent speaker who made a lot of sense to me.I think its good to be honest its not good to hide anything what you are thinking about another unless of course its mean or nasty then you dont have to say it .....but when it comes to sharing i know its hard, to open up but if you see it from a different side....he wanted to get to know all about you i dont see bad in that i see interest not disinterest, i think its worse for someone to totally disregard what you say to not be interested in your life or your thoughts....its just walking bodies interacting then...... but i respect how you felt, that it made you uncomfortable, i understand you might find it hard to open up....i find it a sign(in my opinion) "he is just not that into you" when a guy only wants one thing that is the classification i give a one nighter or a guy who doesnt ask you questions......or someone who is looking for just physical satisfaction....that's not into you....that is pure self satisfaction..... I cant answer anymore because the post was a little confusing if you can tell me why you obviously wont be intiating contact again and why you care about the fact he is into you or not if you are not initiating contact again it might become more obvious to me what you are asking and I might be able to help some more......best wishes .........deb Hi Deb - where do I start Well, firstly your post was interesting and I'll start at the beginning. "why would it matter if you wont be initiating again? Why do you want to know if he is just not that into you? I won't be initiating because I don't want to contact someone who isn't interested in contacting me. I initiated yesterday but he did not respond. If he does respond, I would like to maintain contact. I want to know if he's just not that into me 1) to learn from the experience, 2) to better be able to read the signs, and 3) because I don't want to write him off, I would like to keep in contact with him, even as friends. The view really is not biased - I recalled the meet up as objectively as it happened. Even the chair gliding. Really it happened *facepalm*. If you notice, I spoke about *my* feelings and mainly *his* actions as I cannot speak for his feelings, but I did see what he did. I hope that makes things a little isolated from the realm of views and opinions as I agree with you events can be clouded I look forward to hearing from you
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 He was upset you were late. He mentioned it. Probably acted serious with you because he felt you weren't taking the date seriously by being late. He also did the stupid phone call to try and get under your skin. It was nice of you to email him but what you wrote was kind of insulting, even though you probably didn't mean it that way. There is no future here. Onto the next one. Thanks Truth_seeker! Understandable, but I did apologise quite a few times actually, so really....get over it? Interesting you say that - I was actually taking the date seriously, I'm just a naturally happy person, always laughing, not too sure if that gave the impression I wasn't taking the date seriously? Hmmmm. Hahaha, really? It really didn't faze me, you have stuff to do, cool, no biggie. Oooops, really? No I didn't mean it to insult at all - was just being very honest with him. My problem is I don't really sugar coat, eek! Previous to our meet up he had said that he had two concerns about me 1) he didn't know if there would be any chemistry between us as he didn't remember what I looked like, and 2) that I was too independent. You are right, there is no future. Boo.
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Probably. But I'm thinking it's a good thing. Did you even like him?! You don't sound like you had a good time nor a great date! He sounds a little weird... What's with the interrogating and saying 'He'll make a move in 5 minutes' without letting you know what's going on? Who does that?! If I have to leave when I'm on a date, I'll tell the guy something like 'sorry but my friend needs to talk/see me/whatever' and give some kind of explanation. Sure, I might be a little pissed if my date would be 30 minutes late, but then I'd get over it, given I sort of like the person. Like some other people said, it doesn't sound like a good match. Maybe he's not into you, but are you REALLY into him anyways? Sounds like an ackward date! Thanks Maeva! Probably - very diplomatic Meh, I don't know - I mean I wouldn't rule out seeing him again, and as I said in the email to him, I would like to keep in touch with him, even as friends. He was a little weird, but I mean no one's perfect, right? It wasn't a WOW date, and he didn't WOW me - but I was okay with that, but to just POOF disappear as well, I mean come on, hahaha
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Yikes, that is one HELL of an awkward date. I wouldn't even have reached out if I were you, that sounds creepy, and just way too intense... and then acts like you're not even there, taking calls, getting up without saying a word, that kid never woulda heard from me again. Thanks Katzee Hahahahahaha, yes it was one HELL of an awkward date! Am I weird that creepy doesn't faze me? Jeez, I have high tolerance, hahaha
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Thanks Katzee Hahahahahaha, yes it was one HELL of an awkward date! Am I weird that creepy doesn't faze me? Jeez, I have high tolerance, hahaha Well if you were into him (which I assume you were a little bit?) then the "creepy" radar sort of backs off, and what one would normally find super creepy, isn't so much to you. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 He is not that into you. I was 45mins late for my date with my ex with no good reason (and we ended up together for a year). He just laughed it off. 2
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Well if you were into him (which I assume you were a little bit?) then the "creepy" radar sort of backs off, and what one would normally find super creepy, isn't so much to you. Hahahaha, mixed feelings Katzee, mixed feelings And that's what they ALL said too Thanks Katzee
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 He is not that into you. I was 45mins late for my date with my ex with no good reason (and we ended up together for a year). He just laughed it off. Hahaha, awesome - I've been late before for dates too that ended up in great relationships! Watches - pah, who needs them?! Thanks Eternal Sunshine - yep, that's been the mass consensus so far
2sure Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Ive been late to job interviews and not treated that way. That was not a date, it was an interview...which is beyond rude. You should have left. Seems to me that men smile a LOT when they are happy with our date. Makes them look like psychos tho, IMO. 3
Author Sousou Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Ive been late to job interviews and not treated that way. That was not a date, it was an interview...which is beyond rude. You should have left. Seems to me that men smile a LOT when they are happy with our date. Makes them look like psychos tho, IMO. Hey 2sure - I've been late to job interviews and still got the job! This definitely was an interrogation, lol! I couldn't even ask my own questions - it was totally exhausting and overwhelming *cringe* - not to mention uncomfortable! You're right, I should have just left - but the ice cream was delicious! (Plus I didn't want to be impolite) Hahahahahaha, what hides behind that smile is surely a mystery!
Author Sousou Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Update So he replied to my email: Said it was really nice meeting me after all that time. "It was worth the wait". Then thanked me for my honesty, said he appreciated it. And that he would like to keep in touch with me because he thinks we could be good friends. Thoughts?
It's Just Me Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Four months of emails before actually meeting? Wow. And you got the good friends speech, which you had to initiate. Done, and done. Move on. Next time, don't invest so much time before you meet. And no, being late isn't a reason to drop someone, unless it becomes a chronic issue with passive-aggressive overtones. 2
Author Sousou Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Four months of emails before actually meeting? Wow. And you got the good friends speech, which you had to initiate. Done, and done. Move on. Next time, don't invest so much time before you meet. And no, being late isn't a reason to drop someone, unless it becomes a chronic issue with passive-aggressive overtones. Agree - hear hear It's Just Me! Thank you
truth_seeker Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Update So he replied to my email: Said it was really nice meeting me after all that time. "It was worth the wait". Then thanked me for my honesty, said he appreciated it. And that he would like to keep in touch with me because he thinks we could be good friends. Thoughts? Wants to be friends is another way of saying I'm not into you and it was nice meeting you. Maybe when I'm bored sometime and have nothing to do we can grab a drink or a bite to eat.
Recommended Posts