Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year - we are both previously married and have 3 young kids between us (5 and under). We are both adults with jobs and all that good stuff. He's been asking me to move in for awhile, and frankly I just wasn't ready. A few weeks ago he broke up with me because of this saying he wants commitment, ect. So we both took some time to reevaluate and decided to work things out. Now I'm ready to move in and he's being wishy-washy about it! I very clearly said "I gave it some thought and I'm ready to proceed with moving in if you still want to go that route"...he didn't say a word! What gives?! Any advice on how to handle it?
weallfalldown Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 you messed about in the first place....that's your answer...
Author Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 So, because I wasn't ready at the exact same time it'll now never happen? Why get back together then!? He wanted a commitment, and now I'm giving it to him?
Author Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 They are really are odd. I'm so frustrated lol
weallfalldown Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 we'll never work each other out..........
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 you messed about in the first place....that's your answer... She didn't mess about. She was very honest. She's not ready to move in. How is that messing with someone? Honestly, I feel like OP your changing your values for this man just to "make it work." So in other words, if you don't move in, he dumps you. Because you don't want to be dumped, you move in. It's all about him here. What's wrong with him saying, "I understand you're not ready. Lets revisit this topic in 6 months?" Instead he just dumps you in order to get the desired reaction he wants. You agreeing to his plan. I see manipulation. Intentional, passive aggressive or otherwise. But this is just me.
Author Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 He started asking about 4 months ago, then he waited a month and asked again, then waited another month and asked again. It wasn't that I didn't want to move in with him per say, I just wasn't in a big rush to. Not a value thing either as I have no problem with living together before marriage. If he needs commitment to feel secure about him and I having a future then I'm okay with that. He wants that for himself and his son and I am happy to provide it. I just can't understand how this was a deal breaker for him and then he doesn't even want to discuss it!
weallfalldown Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 She didn't mess about. She was very honest. She's not ready to move in. How is that messing with someone? Honestly, I feel like OP your changing your values for this man just to "make it work." So in other words, if you don't move in, he dumps you. Because you don't want to be dumped, you move in. It's all about him here. What's wrong with him saying, "I understand you're not ready. Lets revisit this topic in 6 months?" Instead he just dumps you in order to get the desired reaction he wants. You agreeing to his plan. I see manipulation. Intentional, passive aggressive or otherwise. But this is just me. pffffff...codswallop.......
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 He started asking about 4 months ago, then he waited a month and asked again, then waited another month and asked again. It wasn't that I didn't want to move in with him per say, I just wasn't in a big rush to. Not a value thing either as I have no problem with living together before marriage. If he needs commitment to feel secure about him and I having a future then I'm okay with that. He wants that for himself and his son and I am happy to provide it. I just can't understand how this was a deal breaker for him and then he doesn't even want to discuss it! Well if you're OK with it then that's fine. But kind of soon to be rushing moving in together no? After just 6 months of dating? Trying to mingle two different family of children into one house after mere months? I don't know just seems a little fast to me. And kind of not sure why he's not into the whole thing now. Seems like he wanted it when he wanted it, and now that it's on YOUR terms he's put off. Guys are stupid.
Author Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It's been a year, he started asking after about 8 months of dating. He's also in his 40's so, I think it's a "**** or get off the pot" situation too. But, yeah there is some control struggle with him too. I guess I'll just wait till he asks me again and it's on his own terms? Ugh! Idk!
Author Berrie26 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 We've also been friends for 2 years before we started dating, so we're more or less 3 years in.
weallfalldown Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It's been a year, he started asking after about 8 months of dating. He's also in his 40's so, I think it's a "**** or get off the pot" situation too. But, yeah there is some control struggle with him too. I guess I'll just wait till he asks me again and it's on his own terms? Ugh! Idk! you said it.....with him too...meaning you too..........
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