lil hoodlum Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) I finally asked my ex around two weeks ago why she broke up with me. Previously all she told me was that she wasn't sure how she felt about me and was confused. Recently she told me that I had pushed her away and that she was tired of it. I told her that was not fair to place that on me. She excluded me, distanced herself, and emotionally stepped out of the relationship a couple months before BU. I had confronted her about emotionally stepping out and everytime she said she was sorry and would try harder. Needlessly to say she didn't try harder. I had also on numerous occasions asked her what was bothering her. Had I done something or not done something? etc. On every occasion she indicated to me that it was allways something else and not me. We had a long talk and I told her that I was still very much in love with her and still wanted to be apart of her life and wanted to marry her. She told me not to wait on her and that I deserved to be happy. She told me that she does NOT want to be with anyone and does NOT want to be married anymore. The convo was around 30 minutes or so, so there of course is more to it. I, on the other hand, DO want to be with someone and DO want to be married. The conversation made me realize that we want seperate things in life. The following weekend I accepted 2 dates from 2 women. Went and had a good time. Had follow up dates a week later. I have completely avoided my ex and went No Contact with her. We are co-workers. Funny thing is now with in the past week she has initiated several conversations with me and actually opened up with personal information about what is going on in her life. She has bought me breakfast on one occasion and made me breakfast on another. She used to collect "odd" coins and give them to be while we were together and she had done that again twice last week. She has asked for my help on several occasions and has called me to the office to check me out so that I wouldn't have to wait in line on several occasions. Yesterday she asked me when I was leaving work what I was going to do. I had class to go to and told her. As you can see this has left me confused. In the last 3 months since the BU she has initiated nothing. I was ignoring her because I decided it was time to move on with my life and get what I want (i.e. be with someone and hopefully marry one day.) More than anything in this world I would love to be with her and to marry her. My heart still belongs to her and I am still very much in love with her. Now I don't know if I am doing the right thing by dating others when my heart belongs to someone else and especially now that she is going out of her way to initiate things with me. I don't think she knows I am dating. She has to definitely know that I am going way out of my way to avoid her and I don't tell her anything about my personal life anymore. I'm wondering if she is finally having a change of heart about things between us. We had a good relationship. Not perfect but definitely worth fighting for and saving. She never talked to me about what was bothering her and just walked away from it all without even giving me a chance. I told her that too! I deserved better than that. I am confused and wondering what I should be doing now. Edited September 6, 2012 by lil hoodlum i caint spel
Author lil hoodlum Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Should I continue to date others, even though my heart belongs to her, or wait it out a little longer?
soccerrprp Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 lil hoodlum, you realize that you want different things in life and she is unwilling to talk to you about what happened. it sounds like you need to move on by doing what you are doing, but you really need some kind of finality with her. ask her right out what she expects in this "relationship" and tell her that you are prepared and ready to move on. really, it is unfair for the other ladies that you will not make an honest effort to try to establish a relationship if you have feelings for your ex. I know what you are going through....i was in a similar situation. Either stop dating until you are ready to give these other ladies a chance and/or find some kind of finality with your ex by insisting that she open up of lose you.
Lovesickbro Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 wow man.... that is definitely a tough situation to be in! She's actually showing quite an amount of interest now and it only serves to confuse you more
theniceguyy Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I was/am in the same situation, my ex and soon to ex again broke up with me, I love but not in love with you bit and after I started dating she wanted come back and work on things. Given that we had a child together i said yes, now after a couple of months of trying to fix things she is starting to act the same way - distant, lack of communication, acting strange. Its my oprion that if someone says they are confused or are unsure, underneath they will always feel that way. Its best to move on and start new- wish I would have done that!
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