When he says "we should do something together sometime" when is sometime?

September 6, 2012

I met a guy in one of my classes last spring. I'm now back at school for the fall and even though he isn't in any of my classes this year, I ran into him at a meeting and we talked for an hour after wards. Later that night he sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I accepted. I'm attracted to this guy and want to get to know him better. I decided to message him to ask about something about the meeting we were both at, also to open the doors for any communication. He responded, and added, "Since we're not in any classes, we should go do something together sometime"

I responded saying that I would really like that and if he had any ideas to let me know. I was going to give him my number and even try to make actual plans with a date and time, etc. but I wasn't sure if that was seeming too available. I thought my response showed my interest and was hoping that it would encourage him to take things a step further by actually asking me out on a date/getting my number. I'm afraid it might have sounded too passive or indifferent, I just wanted him to make the first move. Did I mess up? Opinions??

September 6, 2012

I met a guy in one of my classes last spring. I'm now back at school for the fall and even though he isn't in any of my classes this year, I ran into him at a meeting and we talked for an hour after wards. Later that night he sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I accepted. I'm attracted to this guy and want to get to know him better. I decided to message him to ask about something about the meeting we were both at, also to open the doors for any communication. He responded, and added, "Since we're not in any classes, we should go do something together sometime"

I responded saying that I would really like that and if he had any ideas to let me know. I was going to give him my number and even try to make actual plans with a date and time, etc. but I wasn't sure if that was seeming too available. I thought my response showed my interest and was hoping that it would encourage him to take things a step further by actually asking me out on a date/getting my number. I'm afraid it might have sounded too passive or indifferent, I just wanted him to make the first move. Did I mess up? Opinions??

not at all. perhaps he's a bit shy and wanted to begin by gauging your interest first. in any case, you could have mentioned getting coffee or something.

in the case of passivity, sounds like you're both a bit guilty here. step it up if he won't. no harm, no foul if it doesn't work; just be sure you aren't doing ALL the work in the long-run (if it even gets that far).

September 6, 2012

In this context, "sometime" is a mutually agreed upon time that requires both of you to communicate your availability to each other.

He already made the first move by saying, "we should do something together sometime." You could have responded with, "I'd really like that. I'm free on X, Y, Z, what about you?"

September 6, 2012

The goddamn ego on women is absolutely mind boggling, you're the one that's interested, why is the onus on him to make the first move?

Well she messaged him to open the lines of communication so she's the one who got the ball rolling. He took no risk at all and anyone can friend request someone on FB, he should of asked her for her number in person (not saying it's easy) so I'd say she's shown more interest at this point in time. She said she'd really like that so now it's on him to get the ball rolling and say "Ok message me you're number and we can plan something out".

September 6, 2012

She has shown more interest because she's the one who's interested. Nobody would ever tell a guy to slightly indicate his interest and then just wait for her to ask for his number.

No, because men and women are different. Guys pursue, women get pursued (generally speaking). This is the way it works best. She has given him all the signals needed to indicate interest. Now he should act on them and set up a date. Although as january2011 said, she could have mentioned the days she was free. I don't think that would have been taking it too far.

But anyway OP I think your response to him was fine. If he really likes you, he'll plan a date. If not, you have your answer.

September 6, 2012

No, because men and women are different. Guys pursue, women get pursued (generally speaking). This is the way it works best. She has given him all the signals needed to indicate interest. Now he should act on them and set up a date. Although as january2011 said, she could have mentioned the days she was free. I don't think that would have been taking it too far.

But anyway OP I think your response to him was fine. If he really likes you, he'll plan a date. If not, you have your answer.

^^^^^ yeah this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

September 6, 2012

Nice sexism you have going on there.

It's not sexism to aknowledge the biological differences between men and women. It would be sexist for me to say that because of these differences, women are the lesser gender.

September 6, 2012

Nice sexism you have going on there.

You can cry sexism and groan and whine that women aren't the risk takers and pursuers, or you can work within the system that God and Mother Nature created.

I'm sure there is an exception somewhere and maybe some zoology major can point it out to me but to my knowlege in every single species on the planet if a male wants a mate he has to take the initiative to sniff the females butt, fight off other males and then prove to her that he is a worthy mate that has good genetic material to pass on to her offspring and will be able to provide for and protect them when they are born.

Mother Nature never intended weak, lazy, passive males to breed.

How that concept plays out in the modern human world is guys can either sit on their hands, play computer games, spank to porn and whine that women are too picky and only date tall, handsome, rich guys. Or they can get off their @$$, get some marketable work skills and social skills and then look women in the eye and ask them out on an honest date.

In this particular instance this guy did take some initial initiative. She responded in a positive manner indicating her receptivity. Either he has the giblets to follow through and show her that he does have some strength and initiative or he can be a lazy, passive, little weenie boy and wait for her to make all the arraingments and make all the moves.

Which option do you think is going to be the most successfull??

September 6, 2012

It's not sexism to aknowledge the biological differences between men and women. It would be sexist for me to say that because of these differences, women are the lesser gender.

Yeah that again ^^^^^^^^

But she said it in two sentances what took me several paragraphs:o:o

September 6, 2012

because men don't understand womanese. thats why. she didn't even give him his number. talk about mixed signals. if women want men to pursue, don't give signals in womanese.

he has no idea she's interested romantically.

this point has already been addressed in that, "Mother Nature never intended weak, lazy, passive males to breed."

September 6, 2012

You can cry sexism and groan and whine that women aren't the risk takers and pursuers, or you can work within the system that God and Mother Nature created.

I'm sure there is an exception somewhere and maybe some zoology major can point it out to me but to my knowlege in every single species on the planet if a male wants a mate he has to take the initiative to sniff the females butt, fight off other males and then prove to her that he is a worthy mate that has good genetic material to pass on to her offspring and will be able to provide for and protect them when they are born.

Mother Nature never intended weak, lazy, passive males to breed.

How that concept plays out in the modern human world is guys can either sit on their hands, play computer games, spank to porn and whine that women are too picky and only date tall, handsome, rich guys. Or they can get off their @$$, get some marketable work skills and social skills and then look women in the eye and ask them out on an honest date.

In this particular instance this guy did take some initial initiative. She responded in a positive manner indicating her receptivity. Either he has the giblets to follow through and show her that he does have some strength and initiative or he can be a lazy, passive, little weenie boy and wait for her to make all the arraingments and make all the moves.

Which option do you think is going to be the most successfull??

I agree that men should be the pursuers, it's just the way it is. But since you want to bring in mother nature and the animal kingdom into it, these animals, whatever their speices maby be, either take the male or they don't. They don't give out there numbers becasue they don't have the ovaries to say no thank you, then ignore the calls. They don't lie and say they're going on a hunting trip even though it's not hunting season so you "get the hint" they just say yes or no.

September 6, 2012

The goddamn ego on women is absolutely mind boggling, you're the one that's interested, why is the onus on him to make the first move?

Because Mother Nature puts the onus on males to make the first move.

(actually females really do make the first move towards males they find sexually appealing. it's just not an aggressive move vs signs of receptivity. and they're often too subtle for most men to pick up on consciously. but that's a whole other topic)

The reason the onus is on men is because women need assurance that the male that they breed with is going to be strong and vigorous enough to pass on good genetic material and they need assurance that they will be committed enough to stick around to support and protect her during the pregnancy and while the offspring are developing.

Pregnancy and child-rearing are huge investments and very high risk for females so they need assurance that the males are worthy of their eggs and of their maturnity.

They acheive this through male initiative and competition. in other words males have to show that they have strength, courage and initiative. If a guy is too timid and passive to ask a girl on a honest date, that is hardly showing strength, courage and initiative now is it?

So I guess you could say that since females have the onus on them to protect their eggs and make sure that they are only fertilized by the strongest and most fit males, that means that males have the onus to show that they are worthy and that they will make a fit mate.

Some timid, little, scaredy-boy who just sits in his dorm room spanking to porn and hoping some gal asks him out so he doesn't have to feel nervous and uncomfortable is probably not going to be the best candidate.

September 6, 2012

She has shown more interest because she's the one who's interested. Nobody would ever tell a guy to slightly indicate his interest and then just wait for her to ask for his number.

They're both intrested. He's the one who said they should do something together first, allbeit after he went the easy way and FB'd her and waited for her to message him lol. What does she have to do? Fly a plane with a banner over his house saying "ask me out and I'll say yes". He said they should get together and she said 'I'd really like that, let me know if you have any ideas'. You can't give a more clear sign of interest than that IMO. The ball's definately in his court.

September 6, 2012

Well she messaged him to open the lines of communication so she's the one who got the ball rolling. He took no risk at all and anyone can friend request someone on FB, he should of asked her for her number in person (not saying it's easy) so I'd say she's shown more interest at this point in time. She said she'd really like that so now it's on him to get the ball rolling and say "Ok message me you're number and we can plan something out".

^this. Your last sentence was what I was hoping to happen. As others said, maybe I should have mentioned specifically when I'd be free. I guess my reason for not doing it was that I didn't want to appear too available or eager. I have a habit of making myself way too available to men, and this has produced negative results for me in the past.

September 6, 2012

All biological debates aside, I personally believe that the man should at least make the first move to arrange the first date. I was hoping by indicating that I was interested, if he was shy/nervous/whatever, he'd feel more comfortable actually being upfront about what he wanted. I sent the message last night and he hasn't responded back yet, so I'm assuming maybe I did go about things the wrong way as some people have said on here? Is there any way to remedy this or should I just leave it and move on?

September 6, 2012

or even give some hints that are not in womanese, the kind of hints a man can understand.

Well what kind of hints are more direct to get the point across that if he is indeed interested, he should take the initiative to ask me out?

September 6, 2012

Again, it's awfully convenient that when biology benefits women it's perfectly fine to follow our primal instincts like we're cavemen. But then when a man follows his biological urge to put his old woman to the side and go after younger, superior specimens he's demonized to hell and back.

You do kinda have a point but women are demonized too. Read a couple posts here and you'll see how demonized women are for prefering men who are tall or good looking or financially successfull.

The point I want to make though is you can bitch about how the world works and whine about how unfair it is, or you can work within the system that has been in place for millions of years.

That goes for both men and women. Men can sit and play computer games and whine about how women only want fit, good looking men with successfull careers or they can get out, learn social skills, take care of themselves and their appearance and pursue education and career skills and make something of themselves so that they are a suitable mate.

And women too can either sit and watch soap operas and eat doughnuts and get fat and let themselves go and bitch about how men only want supermodels or they can get out and keep themselves fit and put effort into their fitness and appearance.

September 6, 2012

All biological debates aside, I personally believe that the man should at least make the first move to arrange the first date. I was hoping by indicating that I was interested, if he was shy/nervous/whatever, he'd feel more comfortable actually being upfront about what he wanted. I sent the message last night and he hasn't responded back yet, so I'm assuming maybe I did go about things the wrong way as some people have said on here? Is there any way to remedy this or should I just leave it and move on?

biological debates aside you didn't do anything wrong. You played your cards very well in fact. you made your interests known and you made the most recent move. the ball is in his court now.

If he wants to go out with you and is willing to put forth the effort, he knows where to find you.

If he doesn't do anything, then so be it, you have your answer. there's no loss and no harm at this point.

There isn't even anything to "move on" about here. You guys haven't even been on A DATE yet alone have any kind of exclusivity agreement or commitment. If you run into some guy that catches your eye this evening and he asks you out - GO FOR IT!

September 6, 2012

^this. Your last sentence was what I was hoping to happen. As others said, maybe I should have mentioned specifically when I'd be free. I guess my reason for not doing it was that I didn't want to appear too available or eager. I have a habit of making myself way too available to men, and this has produced negative results for me in the past.

You didn't do anything wrong. It's the womans job to show interest if she is and you did by saying sounds great let me know if you have any ideas. Looking back on the op, yall talked for alomost an hour, that's a pretty good ice breaker so he should of at least asked you for your number. How long has it been since you replied to him saying let you know??

September 7, 2012

You didn't do anything wrong. It's the womans job to show interest if she is and you did by saying sounds great let me know if you have any ideas. Looking back on the op, yall talked for alomost an hour, that's a pretty good ice breaker so he should of at least asked you for your number. How long has it been since you replied to him saying let you know??

It's been almost a day. Although it did take him about the same amount of time to respond to my first message.

September 7, 2012

It's been almost a day. Although it did take him about the same amount of time to respond to my first message.

That's not too long, he's probably playing the don't be overeager card lol. I'd say give it a week tops then write him off.

September 7, 2012

that gave me an idea to see if the guy i am interested in, has facebook and i would have added him but then i felt stalkerish predatory.......and thats just to ask out on a date......groan not even dating getting one with the guy i care about......just to spend time with him ...it feels like pressuring......i knwo what its liek to be pressured for a date i dotn wan tto do that so what do i do? i can thelp the poster i am struggling just as bad am interested in this post thougth i woudl reply but not with answers but more questions......deb

September 7, 2012

Unfortunately there is no answer to this. Others will say things like "let's do lunch" or something and you never do with them. It doesn't mean that you don't like them or they don't like you, it just never materializes because no one makes an effort to do something.

Don't know what to tell you about this. Hope a good thing happens.

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When he says "we should do something together sometime" when is sometime?

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