harimad Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I know I'm way overthinking this but ... I could use some more advice! I'm back in the dating pool after going through a breakup about six months ago. Or, I should say, dipping a toe back in. I haven't gone on many dates, and all except one person didn't make it to a second. And since it's been three years since I did any significant dating, I'm really not sure how to handle this situation. There's one guy who made it past the first date. We've gone on three dates now. They haven't been "typical" dates, as he works at night, so they've all been during the day before he goes to work. On our second date, over lunch, he invited me over to a dinner party with a group of his friends. However, I have not heard from him since our third date (Saturday). We exchanged a couple of texts on Monday, but I was sort of expecting him to call today to set something up for the weekend. We haven't hooked up yet, but we have made out, and I felt like we were building a real connection. We have had good conversations and clearly have physical chemistry. He's the first guy I've even felt an attraction to since my relationship ended. I was beginning to feel hopeful. But I'm feeling a bit uncertain, now, that it was going as well as I'd thought. On Saturday, he asked if I'd be out later with my friends. I said yes, but wasn't sure how late. He said that if I was, maybe he could join us after work. I told him to text me and we'd see. He did end up texting me, but it was so late, and my friends and I had started the evening early, so we were all pretty drunk/tired. I was falling asleep as he texted, so I told him, sorry, I wasn't able to stay out to meet him. He didn't respond to that at all (not even a "ok, good night). Monday, I texted him about a common interest of ours. He replied briefly, and I replied to that, but it felt a bit stilted and cold. Granted, we generally don't text each other unless it's to settle logistics/details of our dates, so I thought perhaps he's just not a big text-conversationalist. And then, as I mentioned, I haven't heard from him since. I'm a little bummed, because our last date went so well. Now I'm wondering if the late Saturday night thing was a sort of "booty call" —*except we haven't even had sex yet ... (can you booty call someone when you've never, uh, bootied?) and maybe he's kind of over me since I won't jump that quickly into bed with him. I do know he's sort of on the rebound (he just got out a relationship three months ago). But he seemed so honest about everything, and his interest in me seemed genuine. I really don't know what to think now. My friends have urged me to call him, that perhaps he's waiting for me to reciprocate interest (he's done all the asking out). I thought I'd poll you ENAers. Is the ball in my court? Should I call him tomorrow to ask him out? I guess it can't hurt, and I'll know for sure?
veggirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yes it's your turn to call him. He has done all the pursuing so far and been rejected (in his mind) once (last weekend). Just call and ask what his plans are for the weekend and if he wants to get together.
Author harimad Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 oops, sorry about the wrong site reference. and yeah, I guess I am sort of worried that since I didn't stay up that night and "leave the door" open to hook up, he's just moving on to the next gal who will. i am just not the three-date sex kind of girl. :-(
veggirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 You don't have to be third-date-sex girl, no worries. But don't be makes-the-man-do-everything-for-months-until-I-feel-secure-then-I-will-finally-initiate-something girl either. Just call him and see how his week was etc.
Author harimad Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Yup. I know I need to (wo)man up and call him. I'll do so tomorrow and see if he wants to get together Sunday. And if he doesn't pick up or puts me off, then at least I'll know!
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I think he was putting out a feeler to see if he could get some with that late Saturday night text. Early on in dating, especially if people are multi-dating, there's a lot of testing going on. I think he got the idea in his head that you're a girl he's going to have to work for to have sex with. If he really likes you, then he will be patient. If he just wants you for a hook up, then he's going to look elsewhere if you're not putting out. Be careful with the "he seemed genuine". It could all be an act.
Author harimad Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Maybe I need to be less prudish, but it's difficult for me to consider sleeping with someone that I've known maybe three weeks, is basically still a stranger to me, and could be having sex with a different girl every night. So if he was testing me, then I guess this is a good test in return ... see if he's interested enough to wait a little while (it wouldn't be that much longer if he could ... I don't subscribe to Steve Harvey's philosophy!)
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