Sunberry Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I know every situation is different, so don't pay the title mind. Right now, I'm on Day 2 of NC and I felt no urge to contact him at all. The only urge I have to to curse him out some more.. I still think about him and I still feel sort of bad for what I did..but I don't regret it.. I've been busy w/things as well.. at my college. Right now I'm in between classes and have to go again soon..so It helps a bit. I'm asking does all the begging/pleading make it set in stone that they won't come back? Especially in my case. I know possibly.. in time, none of this will matter to me but I don't like to hear things like "It's never going to happen.." and such. I've talked to a friend and she said that a lot of things are unchangeable. But, I just take it as, you never know... I have a 2 friends who break up, say the nastiest things to each other, and then after a few hours or a few days..always get back together. I've also read of a guy who begged his ex for 3 months and after he stopped and disappeared, she realized she made a mistake and decided to work out their issues..I've read many, many stories. So, in a way I have faith..not hope..but in no way am I stopping my life because of it.. So, just asking...
geegirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I don't think the begging and pleading is what matters but more so that the other person has checked out of the relationship, emotionally. So no matter what it is you do, they view you differently, but yes, begging and pleading is very unattractive and will push someone even further away. And when you chose to have sex with a man, especially after he's told you he does not love you because you are desperate to get him back, he would have most likely lost all respect for you and chances are you'd be demoted rather than promoted. Your 2 friends that say the nastiest things to each other and get back have a toxic relationship. Don't set that as a standard or an example. Your other friend, yes, if there is any chance for someone to realize your value, it is to disappear. If you're constantly in their presence, they will never experience the loss of you.
LoveHurts88 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 When i begged and plead for a second chance the first time she came bak but as of now i havent begged or plead since she said she lost feelings. I think every everyones different. If u beg and plead doesnt that mean u love her? If u just do NC and respect her wishes how does she even know u still care for her
geegirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 If u beg and plead doesnt that mean u love her? If u just do NC and respect her wishes how does she even know u still care for her Does it matter whether you love her when she does not love you? If someone loved you, then you wouldn't need to beg and plead. When you have to beg and plead, your love is not of importance to them. Does it matter whether she knows you care for her when she is the one ending it because she does not feel the same anymore? You're projecting your feelings on her. 1
Author Sunberry Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 When i begged and plead for a second chance the first time she came bak but as of now i havent begged or plead since she said she lost feelings. I think every everyones different. If u beg and plead doesnt that mean u love her? If u just do NC and respect her wishes how does she even know u still care for her That's how I viewed it..but I also believe, and as Calico said in another post, if they had the willingness to be considerate and to tell the person when they started feeling these things, then possibly the other can better prepare for what might happen, and the chances of you begging and pleading, might not happen. I don't regret it at all, I feel most people have done it one way or the other. If not that shows their strength. My sister is like that. She's had many relationships, and when one ends, she may cry for a day, or two. But after that she's done and they always come back to her. Granted, she's in high school still. I don't think the begging and pleading is what matters but more so that the other person has checked out of the relationship, emotionally. So no matter what it is you do, they view you differently, but yes, begging and pleading is very unattractive and will push someone even further away. And when you chose to have sex with a man, especially after he's told you he does not love you because you are desperate to get him back, he would have most likely lost all respect for you and chances are you'd be demoted rather than promoted. Your 2 friends that say the nastiest things to each other and get back have a toxic relationship. Don't set that as a standard or an example. Your other friend, yes, if there is any chance for someone to realize your value, it is to disappear. If you're constantly in their presence, they will never experience the loss of you. What's funny about that, is the last month, I asked him if he respected me. He said yes. =/ Is that what a toxic relationship is? I always thought it had something to do w/ abuse..
geegirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 What's funny about that, is the last month, I asked him if he respected me. He said yes. =/ Is that what a toxic relationship is? I always thought it had something to do w/ abuse.. Of course he has to tell you he has respect for you. If he said he didn't, it would jeopardize his chances of getting sex from you. Toxic means its unhealthy. Whether its breaking up, calling each other nasty names and getting back together or abuse, it's toxic.
Author Sunberry Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 ^Makes sense. =/ I just wanted to know if regardless of what the person says anything can happen..
Calico Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 I just wanted to know if regardless of what the person says anything can happen.. You're clinging to hope. Your "job" here is to move away from that point to a place where you do NOT want that guy back. He used and abused you. You don't want him to return to you! So, have you made and new friends lately?
Author Sunberry Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Even though I'm only on Day 2 of NC, right now my thinking is I'm open for anything that happens as the days continue. If he doesn't, my days will continue..I have too many things to look forward to, that actually makes my pain feel a bit small right now. If he does, well I'll be prepared for that as well. I've been reading some of my self-help book, going to my counselor, etc..I feel like I need to change..or start anew life.. To sum it all up..yes I'm hoping..maybe I won't care anymore in the future..but right now I feel like it's better than nothing. I just feel like anything can happen..
Calico Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 To sum it all up..yes I'm hoping..maybe I won't care anymore in the future..but right now I feel like it's better than nothing. I just feel like anything can happen.. "Nothing" would be better than hoping. At least if it's what you hope for is getting back with him. Now, if you were to hope to feel better, no matter what ... 1
Author Sunberry Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 I would help if I was able to "feel" nothing, lol. I do want to reach a point where I don't care though..I'm on Day 3 of NC and each day feels weird. I leave my phone in my dorm and no one except maybe my parents a couple friends message me. But that's usually at the end of they day... I have another friend who use to date this girl back in HS. He was going through something rough w/his family and it echoed onto his relationship. I don't really know who broke up w/who but we could never bring up her name in a conversation w/him because he would always get sad. He told me he really loved her. He stopped talking to her and so did she...3 years later, she's met someone else and she seems really happy. He's also been a couple short term relationships. He told me he saw her at his college and they chatted for a 1 min. He said he's completely over it and he's perfectly fine. He has no bad feelings for her at all and has moved on from the whole thing.. There was no getting back together there, but he did eventually move on.. As for the toxic relationship I was referring to, they dated before and then broke up. After they dated a few people they came back together..granted their relationship is toxic now.. =/ I assume maybe I'll get like that,,maybe to a point where I'm just completely over him..
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