Wissel79 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone, I am not in a cheerful mood, however, I have been dying to chat to people about this issue I've been having. I am 32, a mature student. I have another degree as a GP Nurse, and this is my second degree, and I have worked as a nurse for several hospitals. I have friends that i speak to but all they say is that either I should end it, or they do not know. I met (ex) bf in October 2010. We met at a party. At the party he was very distant. The next time I saw him I tried to get a conversation because I seemed interested, but he was fairly arrogant and blunt. After that I just let it go, because I gave up and continued enjoying my life. After a couple of days he sends me a text on face book asking me how I am, and if I fancied a drink with him. I initially said ' maybe', and he replied with: maybe or sure? We started dating and had a good time. I wasn't expecting a lot. However, I started kissing him and since then we have been in love. The first months were nice. But within six months I started seeing things that where against my moral. When I started dating him, he was 41, unemployed, because he said he didn't enjoy his job anymore and resigned. He had a mortgage, and now he was in the deep s**. He lived most time off his credit card. This was super alarming to me. The reason he had resigned was because he thought that everyone was against him, and taking a piss on him!? Also I felt he was bad mouthing his ex-wife which he divorces because she was too lazy. He felt she was taking too much of a burden, whereas she wanted to look after their baby, and didn’t wanted to take on any job. Another was that he was bad mouthing all his exes! One had this, the other had that. I was becoming more worried!! Or that woman was chasing him and how he tried to get rid of them by hiding etc? And then he would tell me that he had never been in love as he has been with me, and that I would be his longest relationship ever! At that time I was having a rough time but also a good time. I started a new study and fell somewhat in love. I had little money and so had he. He paid many times because he took on jobs that paid well because he worked in IT he earned more than average. However, this did never seem to satisfy him. It was hard for me getting a job and he wouldn`t believe me or whatever argument he would drag me on. He resigned had a permanent contract in the Netherlands that paid well, however, had a daughter in London, which he sees once a month. Many times he would ask my help but sometimes I thought it was too much, because he never to be satisfied enough? In a year or so he asked me to move in with me so he could rent out his flat for us to have more money. But I rejected that idea because i was too occupied with studying and meeting deadlines. At that time I really felt that he would be too much of a distraction. Unfortunately he took it too personally. We got even more arguments and he started to shout at me sometimes when I would tell him how I felt and he would say that I am lingering him on............... He also told me about his upbringing that his brother abused him and his two sisters. His father was Scotish alcoholic, and brough up in London, with a father who used to be in the RAF. They moved a lot when they were younger: Germany, Cyprus and UK. His mother never left his father, and always is still this timid and housewife. His mother worked in the house for the rich in the kitchen. It think they have this perception that they are less than others but I never minded that? I remember during Christmas when I was invited to celebrate Christmas. He thought I was rude, arrogant and stiff because I had made comments about his parents smoking? He said that I was like his ex-misses and that he would never be good enough whatever.....! I myself had a abusive mother, brother and sister who are older than I am. I also have a younger brother and sister, which are super sweet. So I always had this struggle with intimacy or game play which is called a dis-organised attachment style. I am utterly confused about why I have someone who obviously also has these intimacy issues. I just seem to feel tired of men to be honest, and I feel that they are all selfish. He is now 43 and I am 32, and he is starting his second year soon in England, and I am heading toward my final year. He never finished high school and I did, and have another degree. He has sold his house in the Netherlands to start over and pursue his writing? He wants to write books, and is doing a 3 year writing course. I am doing my internship in the UK now, and I have one year left to finish my four year study international business. He keeps asking me when I should move in with him, but he doesn’t seem to understand that I still need to re-sit second year. Also, I need more money to borrow to rent a room etc. I am worried about the financial aspect of things. I have a social flat in the Netherlands that I need to find people for and it is all too stressful?? I do not think it is fair.... He is the one who moved to the UK and keeps pressuring me to come and move in with him. He is the one who has moved, and has caused this to be long-distance relationship. In the beginning he didn`t even bother telling me. He did hint by saying we should study together in the UK to do a different study and was sending me by e-mail all these universities I should apply for. It is all too confusing and I wish I could catch him with lies!!!!!! Now he says it is getting too tiring and that I do not have to urge to move in quick because I am younger etc etc. I honestly think he doesn`t care about my life just about HIMSELF???????? However, in the past he paid a lot of things for me: restaurant, holiday etc. What he says is that I am playing games and just drag him along? But I doubt him because I am fearful. In the past when I couldn`t find a job he would say that I would be lying- and this would really add stress! He has never been motivated to work anyway, and he resigned many times. He kept a job for 5 years maximum. But he also complained that his wife never wanted to work and that he did all the working and bringing money to the table. However, he seems utterly blind that I am not sitting doing anything? I have had a part-time job as a nurse for a year now, and now I am doing an internship abroad in the UK!! So this attitude of him pisses me off!!!! Now he keeps saying that when I do move it could become a problem due to finding work etc. But the funny thing is that I feel he is projecting a lot. This doesn`t make me feel comfortable moving to him from the Netherlands where I have my own space. He adds uncertainty. or he would say that I am a adult now etc etc. I want a bf who is more comforting towards me.... he says he is studying himself. sometimes he would say if he had all the money,... but he just sells smoke.... I am confused and I do not what to do.... Asking this makes it only worse Edited September 6, 2012 by Wissel79
justwhoiam Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 You are concerned about money, about him not working, you want your freedom. Find a man who's willing to lead the kind of life you like and to wait for you as long as you like. He is not that man. And he realized about that: this is why he's more ready to let you go now. A writer is an artist. Artists have ups and downs and need someone who can share all that with them. You are not that someone. He proved he's responsible and he can pay the bills, adapting himself, doing something that is obviously not his dream job (IT).
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