heartbroken41111 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 So I just moved to this city 4 months ago and I met a new guy only a short while later. The minute we met, we literally didn't stop talking for an hour and then I realized I how long it'd been and had to go home. We both had just gotten out of long term relationships only a few months before meeting and I'd just moved here and neither of us wanted anything serious. We started sleeping together only about 2 weeks after meeting. We would go out together, have sex and he would do nice things for me. A regular, nice thing going on between us - dating ****buddies, friends, whatever you want to call it, but it wasn't serious and we stuck to not wanting a relationship. Fast forward to last week. Everything was great and we decided to take a last minute trip together to NYC - where I'd just moved from. He said he'd never been there and kept playing it like he just wanted me to go so I could show him around. He paid for my plane ticket, all of my meals, drinks, everything. He kept saying he wanted to meet my best friends so I put together a brunch and they loved him. All of them (male and female) said we were fooling ourselves and that we were practically together if we fight like a couple, go out together, take trips together, have sex, etc. We had the most amazing trip together holding hands and laughing and cuddling and exploring the city. There was no sex at all. We have clicked from the minute we met and it was just a purely great time enjoying each other's company. We got back home and watched our favorite show and I went home instead of staying over because I felt something had shifted in our dynamic. You could just feel the change and I noticed he was becoming more intimate in the way he spoke to me asking me very personal questions like am I sleeping with anyone else, am I dating, if I move back to NYC would I try to get back with my ex. The next day I started freaking out a little admittedly and just didn't answer his texts because I didn't know how to deal with this new thing growing between us. The day after, I had a horrible day at work and couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather talk to about it than him. I went to his apartment fuming and he told me about his life and we just sat there and talked and shared intimate details and then it happened. We had the most mind blowing, earth shattering love making session I've ever had. Seriously. Ever. In my life. For hours. It was passionate, but nice and I can't describe. You could just feel the emotions between us and he kept saying over and over again how unbelievable it was and he didn't know why. I personally don't think that's something you can fake. You can go slowly and kiss someone and not feel anything, but this was real and I told him so the next day how nice it was. Then things went downhill quickly. He didn't answer my texts for a day and then we'd planned to see a movie together and he completely stood me up and said he forgot and was out already then came by to pick me up from a bar that I'd gone to instead because I was already dressed and confused by his behavior. I slept over (no sex) and he caught me crying a little the next morning and he asked me why. I said because he'd started acting this way and then he said that was it. No more sex because things were starting to get too emotional. He just wants to be friends now and hang out. It's been this way for the past few days. I went over to his apartment last night and he seems adamant and won't even let me stay over anymore. I'm so confused. How can you have a great time with someone, share intimate details of your life, go to another city together, I introduce you to my very best friends because you want to meet them, we have mindblowing sex and then you act like a douche to **** it up and say we can't have sex anymore because too many emotions are wrapped up in it? First of all, just hanging out and being friends is still a way to emotionally connect with someone so I fail to see why he's cutting out sex because things are "too emotional" Can someone please explain what is going on here? My friend says he just wants to have sex, buuuut then why is he cutting that part out? I think he's running away from something good because he's scared and not sure how to deal with a budding relationship when neither of us wanted that. I know he's being an immature douche (he's 29 going on 19), but unfortunately I like this guy hence me posting on a forum wondering if he'll come around. Is this that stupid rubberband theory at work? Should I just leave him be and he'll realize he's acting in a childish manner or is he really done and moving onto the next little lady? So confused.
the ill-made knight Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Is he afraid of commitment? What were the reasons the two of you had for not wanting to get into a relationship to begin with?
SmileFace Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 How is he being a douche? You both agreed to nothing serious, you caught feelings - he obviously doesn't want anything serious. Instead of leading you on - since you have fallen for him he has decided no sex to only protect you. Back off - you have fallen for someone who doesn't want a relationship. He isnt being a douche IMO. Yes you can go on about how great everything felt. That doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want a relationship. You should leave him alone. This is why fwb don't work for some - you are all butt hurt that he hasn't decided to ignore the agreement you both made. My old fwb met my mother and begged to meet my friends however him being a good and sociable person had no bearing on our agreement.
Author heartbroken41111 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 @the ill made knight. Not afraid of commitment. Exact opposite. He said everytime he breaks up with someone he jumps into another relationship and that he likes me but is not ready for one. I was still hung up on my ex so didn't want one either. Hung up on as in crying everyday over my ex. @smileface I say he's being a douche not because he doesn't want a relationship but because he has confessed to sending me mixed messages and actually saying he doesn't know what he wants and that he likes me. Instead of saying he doesn't want to go to the movie just stands me up. This to me is douchey behavior. I am actually pretty confused as to why you would think that is not especially knowing how I feel and saying that he feels the same. But yes, I will leave him alone because this is all very draining.
SmileFace Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 . @smileface I say he's being a douche not because he doesn't want a relationship but because he has confessed to sending me mixed messages and actually saying he doesn't know what he wants and that he likes me. Instead of saying he doesn't want to go to the movie just stands me up. This to me is douchey behavior. I am actually pretty confused as to why you would think that is not especially knowing how I feel and saying that he feels the same. But yes, I will leave him alone because this is all very draining. eh, my post was intentionally harsh. Bottom line - step away now. Remember yourself in this situation. Do what is right for you.
the ill-made knight Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 @the ill made knight. Not afraid of commitment. Exact opposite. He said everytime he breaks up with someone he jumps into another relationship and that he likes me but is not ready for one. I was still hung up on my ex so didn't want one either. Hung up on as in crying everyday over my ex. It doesn't sound like either of you are particularly ready. I'm not a big fan of 'if it's meant to be it will be', but I do think if there is the potential for something here it will happen on its own.
veggirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 He is cutting out sex because sex is making you more attached to him. Unfortunately as you said he was just out of a relationship when you met. He was used to intimacy and closeness and having a gf. He missed it and he missed the comfort of it. You provided that for him, without the obligation of committment or any of the "dirty" sides of relationships. You should def walk away from this guy, you have feelings and his aren't going to change. He wants all the perks of a relationship/girlfriend with none of the committment or work, he just doesn't want to admit that.
Author heartbroken41111 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Posted September 7, 2012 Thank you all for your responses. As hard as it is, I am walking away. Not only is he not on the same page that I am on, but the back and forth with him is draining. The fact that I need to type anything on a forum is clue enough that something's amiss. He texted me today asking if I'm really getting rid of him. Yes. Yes. Yes! I have dates with other men this weekend and will see other people. If he gets a clue great. If not, oh well. I like him but there are billions of other people on this planet. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Thank you all for your responses. As hard as it is, I am walking away. Not only is he not on the same page that I am on, but the back and forth with him is draining. The fact that I need to type anything on a forum is clue enough that something's amiss. He texted me today asking if I'm really getting rid of him. Yes. Yes. Yes! I have dates with other men this weekend and will see other people. If he gets a clue great. If not, oh well. I like him but there are billions of other people on this planet. Its just the typcial push and pull situation that two people can toleratoe until it starts getting serious and someone gets hurt...its the same ole song just different beat..not sure whatou expected? A relationship to come out of this..after the fun and games the serious emotions start to come into play and eventually your expectations grow...he wanted the experience without the relationship and now after getting out of this you want to starft dating other men? You mean you haven't learned yet huh? Well it was a bad idea jumping into this and I'm sure you'll xontinue on that road w other men...next time just pretend not act so surprised when you play w fire...this is how emotions develop and it always ewill...it never stays the same.
betterdeal Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 You might want to take this as a learning experience and consider what it is you want from a man. As for what his reasons for being the way he is, there are millions of possible causes. That's his story for him to unfold. Stick to finding yours and avoid spending too much effort trying to figure his out.
SJC2008 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 This is a classical example of how women think with emotions and men don't (although I think we do more than we let on). You both said niether of you all wanted anything serious, then had sex, hung out more, had your great sex and are crushed now. He's not being a douche or anything, you developed emotions before he did, he realized that and cut you off sexually. Would you rather he lie to you and lead you on so he has a steady supply? Sounds like a good guy to me rather than a douche.
Recommended Posts