TER Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I have been dating my bf for about a month. We get along great. I think this will last. BUT this past weekend we had had a few drinks and he said, hey wanna see something- he pulled out a video of his ex wife. It was her passed out naked, and then them gettin it on. I got pissed. I was like WHY would you show me that?! He said he didnt know, and broke it into pieces. Saying it didnt mean anything to him. I meant more. So what the heck does that mean!?
Scott68 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Dump him, dump him now, and dump him fast. I am STUCK with someone now whom I am deeply in love with but she is deeply in love with her ex and my life is a hell-save yourself from this. If you stay the triggers will be all over the place and you will find yourself being pissed and hurt for hours on end for what he will deem "no reason." Why people do this type of ***** I have no idea but they do and it sucks. Good luck and move on. 2
madjac74 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 He broke his phone into pieces? I'd be very concerned that someone I'm dating has "souvenirs" of a past relationship and is stupid enough to share them with someone he is currently dating. I think your BF might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. Maybe he was secretly hoping you would be turned on by it and want a threesome. That was seriously my first thought
Author TER Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It was from about 7 years ago, so it was on a video camera disc. He broke it to pieces over his knee. He said she doesnt mean anything to him and he has no idea why he showed me that. She cheated on him and hurt him pretty bad. They have a kid together, so we have to deal with her alot. He had a picture of her in his safe also. He said he was saving it for his son. He ripped that up to. I didnt ask him to do that!
ascendotum Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 This was weird x 2. I'd go with Scott's interpretation, and assume he's still in love with his ex. When I was initially reading it, I thought he was being a clueless & tackless dork, but, when it came to smashing up the disc, I think he suddenly snapped out of it. He has probably been re-running it numerous times when he's been depressed since the split, and its a bit of a habit and the alcohol made him forget his senses, that it was actually his new gf and not one of his mates who was sitting next to him, with a WTH look on her face. 2
Andy_K Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I don't think he's still in love with her. I think he's just naive. Let it go and just see what happens from here. He sounds really worried that he's screwed things up with you. 2
Scott68 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Here is my question? Will you ever be able to get it out of your mind? Will it ever not make you angry/hurt/sick/etc...? My current GF referred to her ex husband as "My St**E" one day and in my head it's been over since that day. I'm just waiting around now because I have no place else to go. If you can get over it stay if you can't then go.
Author TER Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Thats kindof the way I took it, I was just mad he did it. He said he was mad himself for doing it. He was drunk. blah blah blah. She means nothing. But still! lol
january2011 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Mind movies, ahoy! He showed an ex (with whom you both have contact and who is the mother of his child) in a compromising and intimate position to a current girlfriend of only one month. Personally, I don't see where the "in love" bit comes into it. I'd be concerned that if he did that to her and she was married to him, what would he do to you if you broke up? Are all bets off regarding privacy then? He's allowed an out because he was drunk? DTMFA. 7
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 DTMFA. No kidding... Not only disrespectful to TER but also to his own child's mother. 2
stillafool Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 So what the heck does that mean!? It means he is still NOT over his Ex. 1
Author TER Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 I just texted him and asked him again why he did it (told him I was still hurt by it) - his response was: " I dont know why I showed you that. The good thing is that it is destroyed now. We had been drinking and it was stupid."
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Uhhh...run for the hills...and fast. Who does this? Drunk or not? I remember finding a video of my ex and his ex on his computer, and it was extremely painful. But to have had him voluntarily show it to me?? I can't even imagine! Dump. Please!! He's got something wrong upstairs.
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It was from about 7 years ago, so it was on a video camera disc. He broke it to pieces over his knee. He said she doesnt mean anything to him and he has no idea why he showed me that. She cheated on him and hurt him pretty bad. They have a kid together, so we have to deal with her alot. He had a picture of her in his safe also. He said he was saving it for his son. He ripped that up to. I didnt ask him to do that! He has some issues here that I would not ignore. Excess anger? Impulsive, erratic behavior? He was saving a photo for his son, but ripped it up over a girlfriend of only one month? You've been dating him "about a month" and think it will last? How do you even know that? You're not even 30 days in and he's acting like a psycho. Showing you naked videos of his ex? Them having sex? Then he doesn't know why he showed you? I would run, and fast. Not even just because he's showing such erratic and unstable behaviors but because he CLEARLY is hung up on the ex. Someone who is over their ex doesn't make such blatant displays of emotion. They are just indifferent to it all. They don't feel the anger, they don't feel the need to act out... I don't see this lasting at ALL.
O'Malley Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) Was she at all aware of what was occurring, and that she was being filmed? That possibility is even more disturbing than him showing you the tape. Even if she was aware that she was being filmed, it displays the regard in which he holds her, that he would show the tape to other people. I doubt that this is the first time he's pulled this. Do not overlook this behavior as a poor decision, it's far more than that....he is more than aware that what he did was creepy, disrespectful towards his ex, and possibly (based upon her consciousness or lack of consent of the filming) illegal. Edited September 6, 2012 by O'Malley
GorillaTheater Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Was she at all aware of what was occurring, and that she was being filmed? That possibility is even more disturbing than him showing you the tape. Even if she was aware that she was being filmed, it displays the regard in which he holds her, that he would show the tape to other people. I doubt that this is the first time he's pulled this. Do not overlook this behavior as a poor decision, it's far more than that....he is more than aware that what he did was creepy, disrespectful towards his ex, and possibly (based upon her consciousness during the filming) illegal. This struck me as well. TER, if he did this to the mother of his child, he wouldn't hesitate to do it to you.
Author TER Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 I've brought up doing a tape of us- he just says yea- then it never happens. I am not sure he is still hung up on her- when she texts (about thier son) he takes awhile to respond, he said he didnt really want to marry her, but did cause of the baby ect...then she cheated, he took her back, she did it again, then they divorced. She is remarried already.
january2011 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I've brought up doing a tape of us- he just says yea- then it never happens. *blinks* I'd strongly advise you not to go there. DTMFA. 7
Gracie22 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I've brought up doing a tape of us- he just says yea- then it never happens. I am not sure he is still hung up on her- when she texts (about thier son) he takes awhile to respond, he said he didnt really want to marry her, but did cause of the baby ect...then she cheated, he took her back, she did it again, then they divorced. She is remarried already. So he can show it to his next girlfriend? If he did it once, and got away with it (you are still around) he will likely do it again. 3
oldshirt Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 he pulled out a video of his ex wife. It was her passed out naked, and then them gettin it on. what the heck does that mean!? He video'd himself screwing a passed out woman???? If she was unconscious and he had sex with her, that is an actual crime in probably every state in the country. If he took video of it without her knowledge and consent, that is also a crime. To display it to others without her consent is questionable whether it's a crime or not but it certainly shows crumby character. To show it to someone he has been dating a month is just plain weird and dumb. so what does all this mean? This means that this guy has no respect or honor for women and will rape them and video tape them while they are unconscious and will display to the footage to other people. This is a HUGE window into this guys character and how he views and treats women. You have now seen him for who and what he really is. From this day forward if you remain with him and he mistreats you or does anything bad, the responsibility for your pain and suffering will fall directly on YOUR shoulders. He may say nice things, he may do nice things for you and he may have a nice smile and twinkle in his eye. But you have seen what lies under the surface of his character and you have him for the monster he really is. Just imagine what he has done and what he is capable of that you have not seen yet since you have only been seeing him a month 1
BetheButterfly Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Mind movies, ahoy! He showed an ex (with whom you both have contact and who is the mother of his child) in a compromising and intimate position to a current girlfriend of only one month. Personally, I don't see where the "in love" bit comes into it. I'd be concerned that if he did that to her and she was married to him, what would he do to you if you broke up? Are all bets off regarding privacy then? He's allowed an out because he was drunk? DTMFA. I agree with you. Why do so many people drink themselves into stupor anyways? Just last week one of my friend's sons was beaten up at a party after a game by a group of drunks. (They are all in their early 20s.) Now the "thugs" are facing criminal charges and the Mom is thinking of suing them to pay for her son's medical expenses. I don't think she will though... she has a very kind heart. Sadly, many drunk people have no respect for others. This guy did not show any respect for the Mom of his child, nor for his new girlfriend. OP, do you really want a man like that? Seriously? 2
O'Malley Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Again, I'm curious if it was obvious that she was consenting to both the sex act and the filming of it (as your depiction of the film in your OP left it open to various interpretations). I've brought up doing a tape of us So that he can show it to his next girlfriend, and, in all probability, his friends? I can guarantee you that if he's showing it to women he's dating, he's also displayed it to his buddies, but he's never going to admit to that. You're not going to be the exception to the rule, as far as his disrespectful boundaries with women that he's been involved with. 2
BetheButterfly Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 So he can show it to his next girlfriend? If he did it once, and got away with it (you are still around) he will likely do it again. So true. OP, think.
veggirl Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 WHY in the world would you suggest making a sex tape with a guy you have been dating for a MONTH?! :eek: that reminds me of the posts from guys who get nudes from girls they have not even yet met, just chatted to, or girls they have gone on like 2 dates with. I would dump him. He is def not over his ex and honestly asking him WHY he did what he did is pointless, do you think he would admit the truth? The writing is on the wall. he is still WAY too angry at his ex...remember the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. He's absolutely not over her.
Recommended Posts