Sleeping

[MW93i]

Long story short - Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 days ago because she had fallen out of love with me, I was obviously torn apart but it had been a long time coming. The relationship was going no where, we never seen or talked much at all because she had a new job and what not.. I think she is already over me and her grieving is already done because the lead me on for weeks (I think) and when she broke it off with me she told me she was up 3am crying every night. We both knew it was the correct decision to move on, I did love her to pieces but hey what can you do?

 

Any ways my problem is night times, I miss her like crazy! To the point where sitting with my light off makes me lonely or not having anyone to talk to resolves to crying myself to sleep. I cope well throughout the days its just the nights.

 

Is this some sort of known problem? or am I just having withdrawals because nights times was the times we mostly talked to one another?

 

1st Night - 5am - Wakeup 9am

2nd Night - 5am - Wakeup 11am

3rd Night - 3am - Wakeup 8am (I dreamt about her + a horrible headache)

 

 

If anyone could help me, please do.

[Calico]

I think women often do the detaching quite a bit before they do the actual breaking up, so yes, she probably was done griefing by the time you learned of the news. Same happened to me.

 

The sleeping problems are normal. Your shields are down at night and there are fewer distractions, so all the suppressed pain surfaces (I do extremely bad at night and in the mornings, and the daytime is more manageable). Drink lots of plain water, zero alcohol and as little caffeine as you can manage. Avoid overly sugary stuff as well. It helps for a bit but when the blood sugar level falls through the floor, negative emotions and pain are pronounced.

[january2011]

It's still early days and you are still in a lot of turmoil emotionally. It's no surprise that you are not sleeping well.

 

Try exercise during the day. Practise good sleep hygiene. Perhaps try a little light reading before bed. Tire yourself out during the day by throwing yourself into improving the other areas of your life. Hopefully, physical exhaustion will kick in by the time bedtime arrives.

 

If you haven't done so already, you need to implement NC so that you can heal and get back on track with your life.

[MW93i]

Its pretty horrible knowing that she's done and more than likely doesn't have a care in the world for me but there's me devastated. It's not a nice thing for women to do at all if they deal with it that way. Just knowing she's in as much pain as me would help me cope.

 

Yeah the mornings are pretty bad too, I just wake up and lye in my bed thinking. It gets to the point where I tell my mind to **** off then get up and get ready.

 

I'll try the water, I've strayed away from any type of sugar's. I'm actually having trouble eating too which isn't good.

 

I'm thinking of doing more exercise than just running, I need a way in which I can completely tire my body out. The reading I do was on these forums last night which helps to keep my calm.

 

I have implemented NC but I do need to stay available for her as we still need to go to court next month (Her personal reasons) nothing to do with us. I also still need to get a few things from her but I did tell her she can just tell me when shes available so I can come and get my things. When I told her I wasn't going to contact her again she seemed upset all she wrote back to me was 'okay then' It was her thing to say that and I'd know she was upset.

 

I have deleted her from my phone just to make sure I can't contact her. If she wants me she can contact me right? Anything other than my things or about the court I will ignore her.

 

When I do go and get my things off her, how should I act? and should anything be said between us?

Edited September 6, 2012 by MW93i

[january2011]

Yes, she knows where you are. But NC does mean that you don't accept any contact from her. If you need to go LC (low contact) until the court and possessions issues are sorted, then so be it. This means that you don't have exchanges about how you are missing each other and what you are getting up to in your lives. Your communications should focus on the logistics of going to court and getting your things back.

 

After that, you need to implement NC.

 

As cold as it might seem, it's just business now. Pick up your things as though you're heading to the parcel office to pick up a parcel. Be polite and brief. Don't be drawn into having a deeper conversation. If you both wanted to try again, then that needs to be a separate conversation and you need to be certain that you are both sincere about it rather than just paying it lip service because you are still emotionally tied.

[Calico]

When I do go and get my things off her, how should I act? and should anything be said between us?

 

The general advice is to act "normal" and just say what's necessary to say. Don't cling, don't bring up stuff from the past, don't look like a lost kitten, and also don't act fake-happy. Personally, I'd play it by ear, but sticking to those guidelines is safest. She dumped you, so any actual attempt of getting back together with you has to come from her (if that's something you'd actually consider). If possible, have a friend pick up your stuff and avoid the contact entirely.

 

Not eating much is also normal. In the first week I lived exclusively on cola and vitamin pills (first hand experience here that caffeine and sugar do not help). Second week I ate mostly plain bread and croissants, because I could get nothing else down. Currently I drink stuff like soy milk and mostly water, and the occasional warm meals, if they appeal. It gets better, eventually.

[MW93i]

Yes, she knows where you are. But NC does mean that you don't accept any contact from her. If you need to go LC (low contact) until the court and possessions issues are sorted, then so be it. This means that you don't have exchanges about how you are missing each other and what you are getting up to in your lives. Your communications should focus on the logistics of going to court and getting your things back.

 

After that, you need to implement NC.

 

As cold as it might seem, it's just business now. Pick up your things as though you're heading to the parcel office to pick up a parcel. Be polite and brief. Don't be drawn into having a deeper conversation. If you both wanted to try again, then that needs to be a separate conversation and you need to be certain that you are both sincere about it rather than just paying it lip service because you are still emotionally tied.

 

I wont accept any contact unless it is about my things or the court dates. I do kind of want to ask her if shes even upset that things ended but I don't think I will. I already know the answer and it will be that she isn't upset.

 

Since we didn't speak in the relationship (the last few weeks) not contacting her is quite easy as I'm so used to it. It's just the night times where i'd ring/text her asking how her day was etc.

 

It it wrong to say that I sort of felt I was stopping loving her? Feelings were being lost because we didn't see each other or spoke.

 

Neither of us want to be back together. I can't be with her. The relationship wasn't good and we both need to move on. I'll just be polite, talk a little about the court date when I collect my things. I know it's going to be extremely hard as it will be a certain last goodbye.

[MW93i]

The general advice is to act "normal" and just say what's necessary to say. Don't cling, don't bring up stuff from the past, don't look like a lost kitten, and also don't act fake-happy. Personally, I'd play it by ear, but sticking to those guidelines is safest. She dumped you, so any actual attempt of getting back together with you has to come from her (if that's something you'd actually consider). If possible, have a friend pick up your stuff and avoid the contact entirely.

 

Not eating much is also normal. In the first week I lived exclusively on cola and vitamin pills (first hand experience here that caffeine and sugar do not help). Second week I ate mostly plain bread and croissants, because I could get nothing else down. Currently I drink stuff like soy milk and mostly water, and the occasional warm meals, if they appeal. It gets better, eventually.

 

Yeah, like I said I am just going to be polite and I will act normal. I don't think its really good to act any other way. I just have a feeling she'll be like 'heres your things, bye' I don't want that, she wanted to be civil so surely she wont do that right? I do want to get my things myself as I do want to say a last goodbye and I need to see how she actually feels (just how she acts & her look on her face)

 

All I've been able to actually drink is Water & Oasis when I've seriously been in need. Eating wise me and my friend went to McCdonalds I orderd only large chips and I was only able to eat half. The only other thing i've really ate is crisps. It's all that appeals for me. I do feel hungry but I just can't eat at all.

[january2011]

It it wrong to say that I sort of felt I was stopping loving her? Feelings were being lost because we didn't see each other or spoke.

 

Not at all. It's very difficult to maintain the emotional bond when you don't interact much. I liken it to the emotional bond between characters in The Sims, if you're familiar with the game. You need to keep your meters between characters topped up. Otherwise, over time, they will slowly degrade when not maintained.

[MW93i]

Not at all. It's very difficult to maintain the emotional bond when you don't interact much. I liken it to the emotional bond between characters in The Sims, if you're familiar with the game. You need to keep your meters between characters topped up. Otherwise, over time, they will slowly degrade when not maintained.

 

Yeah, I understand that hahahaha. Man, I do feel upset that I've lost her and how things could have been different but still things would have never worked.

 

All I can think now is I'll never find someone as good as her.

 

I also move away to university in 18 days, I think it was also part of breaking up she did tell me 'it would have never worked when you go to university'. I just dont want to be still dropping over her or not sleeping/eating well or so badly when the time comes when I leave. If she had ended it when she felt nothing instead of leading me on I wouldnt have this problem but I know I can't think this way. She just didnt want to upset me. Horrible feelings i'm having right now.

Edited September 6, 2012 by MW93i

[january2011]

It's only been three days. Just keep your focus on making the most of uni. You'll have a new life, new friends, new environment, new schedule, which is actually pretty exciting, if you allow it to be.

[MW93i]

It's only been three days. Just keep your focus on making the most of uni. You'll have a new life, new friends, new environment, new schedule, which is actually pretty exciting, if you allow it to be.

 

I just want to get away now .

[Conzy]

Hey I tell you what, I had the EXACT same problems at night. As soon as I'd lay down and shut my eyes, that's when all the depressing thoughts would come through.

 

Something that helped me BIG TIME, was to just simply go on the internet on my phone. (If you have a smart phone or ipod touch, i'd highly advise you do it) I would just get into bed, open up youtube and watch whatever it was I wanted to watch. Your mind focuses on the video and before you know it you're asleep. Just don't have the audio too loud through the headphones 'cause sometimes it can make you jump and wake you up when you're just drifting off haha.

 

That helps to get you asleep without thinking too much about it, but the dreams I don't really think you can really do anything about that. But believe me, they WILL eventually calm down. I'm the sort of person that wakes up not remembering the dream I had that night, I mean infact, before my break up I can honestly only re-call remembering about 4 or 5 dreams throughout the WHOLE year. When I broke up with my ex though that completely changed. I'd honestly have about 3, 4, sometimes even 5 different dreams about her each NIGHT.

 

The dreams about her sometimes wouldn't even make sense, like one of them I re-call walking through town and seeing her in the distance turning a corner, then I woke up? Weird right? I had countless dreams where she'd be crying regretting what she did, or where she's in the dream telling me it's only temporary and everything between us will work out and we'll be fine together in the end. Those were the worst dreams, because then I'd have to go through the day remembering it, and it would give me so much false hope - none of those dreams came true. If you have dreams like that, try not to let them affect you like they did with me, it only causes pain, believe me.

 

All the best

Edited September 6, 2012 by Conzy

[MW93i]

Hey I tell you what, I had the EXACT same problems at night. As soon as I'd lay down and shut my eyes, that's when all the depressing thoughts would come through.

 

Something that helped me BIG TIME, was to just simply go on the internet on my phone. (If you have a smart phone or ipod touch, i'd highly advise you do it) I would just get into bed, open up youtube and watch whatever it was I wanted to watch. Your mind focuses on the video and before you know it you're asleep. Just don't have the audio too loud through the headphones 'cause sometimes it can make you jump and wake you up when you're just drifting off haha.

 

That helps to get you asleep without thinking too much about it, but the dreams I don't really think you can really do anything about that. But believe me, they WILL eventually calm down. I'm the sort of person that wakes up not remembering the dream I had that night, I mean infact, before my break up I can honestly only re-call remembering about 4 or 5 dreams throughout the WHOLE year. When I broke up with my ex though that completely changed. I'd honestly have about 3, 4, sometimes even 5 different dreams about her each NIGHT.

 

The dreams about her sometimes wouldn't even make sense, like one of them I re-call walking through town and seeing her in the distance turning a corner, then I woke up? Weird right? I had countless dreams where she'd be crying regretting what she did, or where she's in the dream telling me it's only temporary and everything between us will work out and we'll be fine together in the end. Those were the worst dreams, because then I'd have to go through the day remembering it, and it would give me so much false hope - none of those dreams came true. If you have dreams like that, try not to let them affect you like they did with me, it only causes pain, believe me.

 

All the best

 

I'm actually doing that, right now but its Facebook.. I text friends more than anything though, they help a lot just by replying to me I'd tell them I'm upset and missing her they'd give me a reason not too. I cry, that helps too.

 

My dreams dont actually have any motion in them they just seem like a picture of a memory and I dreamt of her face, I woke up sweating and breathing really heavily. In shock basically. It's actually pretty scary to get into bed and sleep.

 

Thanks man, means a lot.

[Conzy]

Yeah crying does actually help a lot. At first I tried to hold it in, because I felt stupid for crying. Then I'd just let it all out and it'd make a huge difference.

 

I guess if you're talking to friends then facebook could be good, I watched a lot of funny videos though on youtube, that's what helped me haha. Anything with Will Ferrell and I felt amazing haha.

 

That's kind of how I felt at first about sleeping. I'd get rubbish nights sleep, wake up feeling awful etc. It does pass though, make your day really busy, you'll love the sleep in no time!

 

Take care

[MW93i]

Yeah crying does actually help a lot. At first I tried to hold it in, because I felt stupid for crying. Then I'd just let it all out and it'd make a huge difference.

 

I guess if you're talking to friends then facebook could be good, I watched a lot of funny videos though on youtube, that's what helped me haha. Anything with Will Ferrell and I felt amazing haha.

 

That's kind of how I felt at first about sleeping. I'd get rubbish nights sleep, wake up feeling awful etc. It does pass though, make your day really busy, you'll love the sleep in no time!

 

Take care

 

Thanks a lot man . ughhh just a horrible feeling. It's getting better day by day already.

 

She ****ing told me she didnt love me and broke up with me by text :@ I'm just realising how bad and wrong that is. I dont know if she did it because she couldnt do it face to face or she just wanted to get it done with.

[Conzy]

Thanks a lot man . ughhh just a horrible feeling. It's getting better day by day already.

 

She ****ing told me she didnt love me and broke up with me by text :@ I'm just realising how bad and wrong that is. I dont know if she did it because she couldnt do it face to face or she just wanted to get it done with.

 

Hmmm, to be honest I've never been able to understand why people break up over texts. I mean yeah, maybe she just couldn't handle it face to face, or she didn't want to see you upset. Blurgh, I've never known why people do that haha. Either way it sucks though I guess

 

Take care

[Gab09]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but yes you are right..

 

Nights and mornings tend to be the worst.. For me specially nights, I have the hardest time actually being able to sleep. I would get night sweats all of a sudden, go to sleep at 5 am and just like you, no matter how tired I felt I would always be up by 8 or 9 and just run the whole day on low fuel..

 

 

But that's a big no no, that's part of the reasons you start to feel depressed. I found this article some days ago and hopefully it helps you.. When you're heart broken you look for answers everywhere, why not look towards genetics?

 

Natural Ways To Increase Serotonin & Endorphins | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

I had a strange experience happen to me since my break up, very weird.. I've been broken up since the 17th, and I had never stopped drinking, I'll tell you none stop and for me, that was the way I was battling (big mistake).. I was able to go to sleep and even feel motivated about the next day, well all that went down the gutter once it was morning.. It got to the point where I didn't even get a hangover, I'd just be depressed all day.

 

Well, one day at night while I was drinking.. We heard a loud noise outside, everybody rushed to check and see what it was.. Well this huge mesquite tree had fallen on our driveway, blocking all cars in.. And everybody thought, ****! Well, next morning I woke up like my regular day, just went outside to see the morning.. I usually sit a couple of minutes in the morning just to see the day, it'll cheer me up sometimes (sometimes not).. And well, later during the day the neighbor, since the tree was on his yard, came over with a chainsaw.. Started cutting the huge tree into pieces and well we all started helping him.. I noticed that the 2-3 hours that I was actually grabbing those branches and taking them all the way to the dumpster, actually made my day. I was pretty amazed by how good that made me feel that I went on the internet and I found that article.

 

I go to the gym and run and I used to lift weights, but none of that really helped, since I was doing all that at the gym. For some reason, the sun exposure, the vitamin d, released something in my head that actually got me motivated throughout the day.. All the way till I fell asleep.. At night i did feel the same anxieties as always, but very noticeably reduced.

 

I'm not trying to hijack your post man, I'm just trying to share my experiences with you to try and see if any of it helps.

 

Goodluck and godbless,

 

from a broken heart to another :/

[MW93i]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but yes you are right..

 

Nights and mornings tend to be the worst.. For me specially nights, I have the hardest time actually being able to sleep. I would get night sweats all of a sudden, go to sleep at 5 am and just like you, no matter how tired I felt I would always be up by 8 or 9 and just run the whole day on low fuel..

 

 

But that's a big no no, that's part of the reasons you start to feel depressed. I found this article some days ago and hopefully it helps you.. When you're heart broken you look for answers everywhere, why not look towards genetics?

 

Natural Ways To Increase Serotonin & Endorphins | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

I had a strange experience happen to me since my break up, very weird.. I've been broken up since the 17th, and I had never stopped drinking, I'll tell you none stop and for me, that was the way I was battling (big mistake).. I was able to go to sleep and even feel motivated about the next day, well all that went down the gutter once it was morning.. It got to the point where I didn't even get a hangover, I'd just be depressed all day.

 

Well, one day at night while I was drinking.. We heard a loud noise outside, everybody rushed to check and see what it was.. Well this huge mesquite tree had fallen on our driveway, blocking all cars in.. And everybody thought, ****! Well, next morning I woke up like my regular day, just went outside to see the morning.. I usually sit a couple of minutes in the morning just to see the day, it'll cheer me up sometimes (sometimes not).. And well, later during the day the neighbor, since the tree was on his yard, came over with a chainsaw.. Started cutting the huge tree into pieces and well we all started helping him.. I noticed that the 2-3 hours that I was actually grabbing those branches and taking them all the way to the dumpster, actually made my day. I was pretty amazed by how good that made me feel that I went on the internet and I found that article.

 

I go to the gym and run and I used to lift weights, but none of that really helped, since I was doing all that at the gym. For some reason, the sun exposure, the vitamin d, released something in my head that actually got me motivated throughout the day.. All the way till I fell asleep.. At night i did feel the same anxieties as always, but very noticeably reduced.

 

I'm not trying to hijack your post man, I'm just trying to share my experiences with you to try and see if any of it helps.

 

Goodluck and godbless,

 

from a broken heart to another :/

 

Thank you for sharing , I'm extremely tired tonight and will hopefully sleep before 1. I'm trying to just get it earlier and earlier as it goes.

 

How is your sleeping now and how's the drinking thing going?

 

Thats a incredible story too, I head off to a theme park on Saturday (me & her were meant to go together with family but a friend is coming now) I just can't wait to be on rides for the whole day and take my mind off her. Although I will miss not being able to spend that time and fun with her .

 

It's quite horrible for me as most of my friends work and some are still in education so it's not like I can ring/text them to spend the day with me untill after 5pm which sucks! But these next 3 days I have things planned which I cannot wait for