sendme Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 all right... so I'm one day nc... he hasn't reached out... I'm not going to reach out, but man am I hurting... he cheated and cheated and cheated on me... how am I so easy to walk away from... I'm hurting... this blows.... so how do you stay nc.... ??? I want to scream and yell and be angry at him, I want him to apologize and beg and plead.... I want him to know and see how hurt I am, I want our happy ending... but for now I just want to know how to stay nc...
Gab09 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I am in no position to give good advice as I am daily struggling with this, but just stay busy.. I know, sounds easy right?.. Do something different and even if you do keep thinking about it, just think about all the things he did to you. Let him miss you but don't wait for him, try to get over him.
Calico Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 all right... so I'm one day nc... he hasn't reached out... I'm not going to reach out, but man am I hurting... he cheated and cheated and cheated on me... how am I so easy to walk away from... He cheated and cheated and cheated on you. How is he NOT easy to walk away from? It's a rhetorical question since I'm having trouble with the walking away, too, but I think it's worthwhile to dwell a bit on it (instead of wondering what's wrong with you, think about what's wrong with him). Remember that NC is about healing, not about maximizing the chance of getting him back. If you use it for any other purpose, it doesn't work so well (still works, but healing takes longer). As long as you mostly wait for contact from him, you may not really be ready for NC yet and could instead just call him up and dump that anger on him.
Mint Sauce Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Did you ever write him an angry email when you were thinking "F**k this, I don't need this guy in my life! I'll tell him what a tool he is!". If yes, just re-read that email in your "sent" folder. Helps me get into that state of mind again, and at the same time satisfies the need to tell her how wrong she was
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 But if you've never written - then write it now - BUT DON'T EVER SEND IT!! Just vent - really vent - in writing, off the top of your head. not on a PC, but pen to paper. Don't stop to think about grammar, composition, spelling or punctuation. Just get it all out, in a rush, no particular order... and let go of all your feelings on it. Leave nothing out, but just write whatever comes into your head. Get it all out, get it all down. But repeat - do NOT send it....
Conzy Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I know you've probably heard this advice time and time again, but the thing that really helped me was just going out and about places with friends. Doesn't have to be a big group, half the time I just went out with one close mate. Just try to really consume yourself in the conversation you'll have, and enjoy whatever it is you're doing. (For me, I live near London in the UK. The first couple of weeks I spent A LOT of my days just going around London and exploring new places. Often the very central parts where it's packed full of people. Really helped me) I started working out again as well which also helped me a lot. Basically the best thing is to just keep yourself occupied with things that will help you, so complete any work that needs to be done, do chores etc. This all helped for me, and then the days that I really felt like I did everything and I was just sitting around thinking "What else" I would just play a game, or watch a program. I know they don't really help you with anything properly in life but believe me they are good at distracting you haha. Also, I know right now you're probably wanting to contact him, it's extremely tough I know, but just think long and hard about it. "What will this even achieve?" Quite a few times I came close to breaking, then I stopped and thought about that and the desire to contact her faded away a bit. The first 2 or so weeks are the toughest, but then you'll just become accustomed to the NC thing and you'll start moving on with your life. it DOES get EASIER. Trust me! Take care
Author sendme Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Thank you all for the advice... I did end up contacting him, and we were on, but now we're off again... But this time I feel indifferent.... I'm not as shaken, I feel like the cycle of on again off again is finally broken... is this just a phase, will I pass through indifference and have a break down one day where I really just want to talk to him?
Crila16 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 How do you stay NC? My realizing your self worth. You just said he cheated and cheated and cheated on you...yet you're the one that wants him back and you're the one having difficulty NC with him. WHAT??? This guy is a genius. He's dating women without any self-esteem, so he can build his own self esteem by having women fawning all over him...and he can continue to do whatever he wants, without having to show any respect. A women who would put there foot down and make him work for her, is the women he'd actually end up respecting and wanting to be with. This man should be grateful that you're even acknowledging his existence. I know if a man cheated on me, he's lost me forever. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He did it to you, he'll do it again...and he'll do it to the next girl. Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you disgusted? If you had a female friend who did 1/2 of what he did to you, you would have cut her off by now. Just because he's a man, doesn't make him any less human. Stand up for yourself. Everytime you think he's wonderful, remember what he did to you and how rotten and selfish a person he is. Keep saying it until you believe it. Also, read some self help, self esteem books. Also, you might want to consider a therapist to help you get through this and to help you to like yourself. ...and always ask yourself. If you were your own child, what advice would you give to her and how would you feel if you knew your daughter's boyfriend was cheating on her all the time. Would you tell her to get back with him, chase him, call him? No, because you'd know her self worth and how loved she was. You'd want to see her with someone good for her who treated her like gold. Treat yourself like you were your own daughter.
geegirl Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Thank you all for the advice... I did end up contacting him, and we were on, but now we're off again... But this time I feel indifferent.... I'm not as shaken, I feel like the cycle of on again off again is finally broken... is this just a phase, will I pass through indifference and have a break down one day where I really just want to talk to him? Sendme, the man "cheated and cheated and cheated" on you. Where is your self-respect and dignity? I couldn't even imagine touching my ex after I knew he cheated. Blech. 1
Author sendme Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 How do you stay NC? My realizing your self worth. You just said he cheated and cheated and cheated on you...yet you're the one that wants him back and you're the one having difficulty NC with him. WHAT??? This guy is a genius. He's dating women without any self-esteem, so he can build his own self esteem by having women fawning all over him...and he can continue to do whatever he wants, without having to show any respect. A women who would put there foot down and make him work for her, is the women he'd actually end up respecting and wanting to be with. This man should be grateful that you're even acknowledging his existence. I know if a man cheated on me, he's lost me forever. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He did it to you, he'll do it again...and he'll do it to the next girl. Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you disgusted? If you had a female friend who did 1/2 of what he did to you, you would have cut her off by now. Just because he's a man, doesn't make him any less human. Stand up for yourself. Everytime you think he's wonderful, remember what he did to you and how rotten and selfish a person he is. Keep saying it until you believe it. Also, read some self help, self esteem books. Also, you might want to consider a therapist to help you get through this and to help you to like yourself. ...and always ask yourself. If you were your own child, what advice would you give to her and how would you feel if you knew your daughter's boyfriend was cheating on her all the time. Would you tell her to get back with him, chase him, call him? No, because you'd know her self worth and how loved she was. You'd want to see her with someone good for her who treated her like gold. Treat yourself like you were your own daughter. you're right, I think I just want to hope for the best in people, I made my fair share of mistakes in the relationship, so i guess I just always hoped we'd figure it out together... However, as I said before, we're off again now, and I don't feel crushed like I did the previous times. I'm not sitting here imagining how I will have a life without him, its actually the opposite, I feel like I have a lot more of a life without him in it... I'm going to vegas this weekend with a bunch of people from school... totally unlike me but it's going to be sooo much fun! I never really thought he was that great... I just had strong feelings for him, and we really had amazing sex... but the more he kept cheating the less amazing sex was... even now I haven't really missed him all day except when I thought about sex. I think we got to the point where sex was the only thing we did well together... and so it became the only thing we did together except fighting.... but that's not a life, or a future.... so here's to being done for good.. and moving forward!
KatZee Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 He cheated and cheated and cheated on you. How is he NOT easy to walk away from? It's a rhetorical question since I'm having trouble with the walking away, too, but I think it's worthwhile to dwell a bit on it (instead of wondering what's wrong with you, think about what's wrong with him). Remember that NC is about healing, not about maximizing the chance of getting him back. If you use it for any other purpose, it doesn't work so well (still works, but healing takes longer). As long as you mostly wait for contact from him, you may not really be ready for NC yet and could instead just call him up and dump that anger on him. This. My ex cheated on me too. And that's what made it super easy to keep NC. He wasn't the guy I thought he was. He embarrassed me. Made a fool of me for almost three years. I was embarrassed with how much I gave him and how much I sacrificed for him and how I always spoke well of him and he was out cheating, lying right to my face. I have far too much respect for myself, and far too much love for myself, to keep people like THAT in my life. Regardless of how much I loved him and regardless that I wanted the happy ending as well... he was a lie. Everything we had was a lie. I loved what I thought we had, not what was reality. I also blocked him on email, deleted everything, his number, his emails, his letters/cards. I threw out mostly everything too. Tore up pictures. I did one massive purge. I started to focus on me. Before the focus was ALWAYS on him. For the first time I was able to take care of me. That's what you should be doing now.
Author sendme Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 I definitely agree, I've been on a road of not taking care of me for a long time... so I definitely see the need to take care of me for a while!
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