Triavalon Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Be prepared to read, because I have a lot to scream about in this little gem. Let's start off first with this, I'm madly in love with a cartoon character. Some of you might have seen him, the evil clone villain from Ben 10 by the name of Albedo. He's smart, he's skinny, he's albino, and he's perfect. A bit rough, but a diamond in the rough. Weird, loving a cartoon character, but I figure that since I started being crazy for him, I've worked through a ton of mental health issues. As long as that love doesn't get in the way of a practical love, I figure I might as well let it stay; it's love and love is good. No, that is not my particular issue. My issue is a real boy, one that, for his sake, I will call Blaine. He's skinny, he's white haired, he's a good boy, he's awesome. He looks like Albedo! I'd want to do something, but I know that I only look to him because he looks like Albedo. I saw him last year, and while I did glance, I didn't stare. I might as well be trying to date someone who looks exactly like an ex, to put in normal person terms. Blaine is different though. He is academic, but rumored to be a little, well, blonde. He speaks like a valley girl and has been adopted into one of the packs of girls that roams the school. In addition, not a single person knows what team he bats for, probably including himself. Knowing that I like him because he resembles someone I love, and that I'm 2 or 3 years older than him, I've committed to staying away from him. Yeah, I either have really good luck with that or really horrible luck. I have the morning bus ride with him, where I discover that he lives in walking distance of me. I have my first class with him, and because of the lab structure, I got forced in his lab group. Depending on how my schedule settles, I might get my second class with him. Walking from third to fourth class, I see him in front of his locker every single time, the locker right next to mine. I go to lunch, the same lunch period as him. I might end up in the same fifth period as him. Sixth period is clear, but then he rides the same bus home as me. Or, if I'm not riding the bus because of science club, guess what, he helps move the equipment we use for fundraising. He just happens to be the only one with an open seat in his car so we can get to the event we are fundraising at, and he isn't even a member of the flipping club! Extra credit, I can't drive because of a nerve disorder, so he has to drive me home if my mom is late coming to get me from science club. Needless to say, this is infuriating. I want a boy I can't have, and that makes me want a boy I shouldn't have for moral and probably legal reasons, but am given every opportunity. I'd say 'flip the promise,' but even if I loosen things up on my end, he wouldn't respond. He is surrounded by girls all day. He's super social and academic while I'm super introverted and am in my fifth year of high school. I like smart guys and he is gay but not gay ultra-blonde too. (The school rumor mills say that he looked over a Bunsen burner as he was lighting it to make sure it worked.) Then there is the icing on the cake. Blaine is one of the office aids, so he does the announcements every day, so I get to hear his voice every day, even if I don't see him. If I need something from the office he is there too. The weirdest thing is that even without having to be near each other, we catch each other's eyes at the weirdest moments, even when just looking around the room. It isn't a confused look, or a cute look, or anything like that. It is a 'why the hell are you staring at me?' look for just a split second, even when I am just scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit. It is actually kind of scary, because his look is like a glare, but he seems like he is always a really bubbly, sweet boy. Maybe it is because he found out I asked one of his friends about his orientation; she did say he got really upset when asked about things like that, but that particular glare came the day before labs were assigned, and he was fine with me then... For those read after the essay, what do you think? Right now, even if I wanted to, I don't have any way to approach a boy like that, with so many faces watching or in the way, a mixed up sexuality, and my natural introvertedness. I'm worried about his feelings too, because while I get a little confused and lovey, he probably thinks I'm stalking him. I've never been that good at hiding any romantic feelings I have. Hell, 3 years ago I nearly groped a boy because I couldn't express my feelings at all. Things like that are hopefully one of the disorders I've worked through, but still. I think even asking him if he wanted to go something to eat after taking the fundraising booth back to school would be way too much.
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