Necris Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Do you ever feel that getting into a relationship is scary? Maybe I'm over thinking this, but I have always been rejected and women never really show much of any attraction towards me but lately I have been wondering, what if somehow I actually did get a girlfriend? Then what? I know next to nothing about relationships, so I wouldn't know what to do at all. How much time, effort, and money would I have to put in the relationship for it to work, will it become like another job, leaving little time for other things? What if she suddenly becomes evil and makes my life worse? What if the issue of sex ever comes up then what do I do? You know questions like that, it makes me wonder should I keep pursuing women I'm already always rejected but if somehow my efforts pay off it may not be necessarily a good thing. So I'm just curious do you ever feel like that?
TheFinalWord Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) Do you ever feel that getting into a relationship is scary? Maybe I'm over thinking this, but I have always been rejected and women never really show much of any attraction towards me but lately I have been wondering, what if somehow I actually did get a girlfriend? Then what? I know next to nothing about relationships, so I wouldn't know what to do at all. How much time, effort, and money would I have to put in the relationship for it to work, will it become like another job, leaving little time for other things? What if she suddenly becomes evil and makes my life worse? What if the issue of sex ever comes up then what do I do? You know questions like that, it makes me wonder should I keep pursuing women I'm already always rejected but if somehow my efforts pay off it may not be necessarily a good thing. So I'm just curious do you ever feel like that? Good points. Most people don't feel that fear right off the bat b/c they are enamored with hormones. Nature kind of has us programmed to throw logic out the window when we are very physically attracted (men) or feel strong chemistry (women) to someone. It can take maturity, life experience/wisdom, friends and family to overpower this urge (and a few heartbreaks) to look at things from a rational, logical perspective haha But this was one thing I was saying to BrahmaBull in this thread about minimizing rejection. Getting a girlfriend is just the first hurdle. Keeping one, is quite another. I think it takes a few relationships to get a real idea of what you actually want yourself; unless you're a really lucky one and land your wife/husband on the first relationship. But let's say you land a very attractive woman. You will be in la la land for 4 to 6 months, then it starts to fade away. You'll still be attracted, but you won't be smitten in the same way. Anyone can keep a relationship going during the honeymoon stage. When the relationship encounters trials, that's when you find out if you're really compatible from my experience. They take a lot of time and effort, but if it's the right person it should make your life better, not be a chore. And it's an investment you will desire to make if it's a good relationship. If it feels like a hassle it probably isn't the right person. When you're in love you will get immense pleasure from giving of yourself to that person. It's really one of the best feelings a human can experience IMHO: Giving and receiving love from someone you feel a romantic bond with. About the money, if it's the right person you can do things within a sensible budget. It shouldn't cost a fortune. If you have the right company you can have fun just doing the normal things you already do. But if the girl is always pressuring you to take her out to nice places on your dime and you aren't a rich man than that may be a good early on sign that you have different ideas about finances. Yes, if you aren't compatible it will make your life worse if you try to keep it going when the relationship is dead. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, but you can learn something from each. Your first relationship you will probably hang on too long. After a few you quickly realize if there are deal breakers early on and will end things. A lot of the deal breakers you will pick up from dating and will avoid a lot of relationships you know will never work in the long run. Edited September 6, 2012 by TheFinalWord 2
Mrlonelyone Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I like what the final word said. Money only becomes a big issue in relationships when you are living together and have to worry about paying house hold bills and expenses. Marriages have ended over money induced arguments more than any other cause.
Author Necris Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 no has any personal experience with this?
Titania22 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yeah Necris. I have. I have had 2 relationships that both were very costly financially and psychologically, despite being completely different from each other. And it has been years since I have been in a relationship. And I am getting older now, and don't have the energy I used to. So I have fears more would be required of me, then I am capable of giving (or maybe even willing to give). But I also realise how much of my life is likely to be spent alone. So if I get the opportunity again one day to have a relationship, I will jump on it and give it all I can, because either the effort will be worth it, or I will still have decades alone to do anything else I want.
carhill Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 So I'm just curious do you ever feel like that? I suffered through a lot of the same stuff as a young person but it never put me off on intimacy and love. My understanding now is that the perspective is a result of FOO socialization. I'm just more circumspect and skeptical now. Not as much benefit of the doubt given. Friends get that love now. Live goes on.
ThaWholigan Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Nah, I'm not scared. I'm excited about having on to be honest.
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