klw1905 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Last Thursday was the last time I talked to my ex, he broke up with me 5 days before that. He broke up with me because "he was feeling lost." I believe that to. I don't know how many times in the last two months of our relationship I said this isn't you. A few days before the relationship ended I was sitting down with a mutual friend saying something is wrong with him, he's just not there. Just laying at home not wanting to do anything and not just with me with anybody. I didn't think it was "us" though, I thought it was all the stress outside the relationship. So... I fought for him last week. In my head I thought it was the right thing to do. It was stress he needed me, I couldn't turn my back on him. I'm also a person that likes things direct. During this "fight for him" campaign I would be asking things like should I continue to fight for u or should I be letting you go, his response I haven't let u go yet, or do you really not want me, his response I didn't say that. I finally break down and call him, to find the answers I was searching for. During this phone call I didn't get to say a full sentence. He was livid mad. I remember getting off the phone and thinking well that was a waste I got nothing answered and I just made things worst. I thought it over and I realized how much I got from it though. For days I had a battle going on in my head about being in touch or not. I didn't know if I was being a bad person for giving him space, plus I was dying to hear from him. During this conversation he said two things that I clearly remember can't you respect me enough to give me space and every time I look at my phone and it's you it upsets me. To this day it feels amazing to know that I can not contact him, that I'm doing the right thing, and for contact purposes it's in his hands to make that first move. The down fall of the call the last thing I asked is if I would hear from him again and his reply was just a simple yes.... I decided to come here and share my experience of no contact. I hope that by sharing my daily thoughts and feelings at days end it would help release them. I also hope some will find comfort, like I have in so many threads, and words of advice and comfort from others.
Author klw1905 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 I was a crab today. I know I was a crab today because I had a lot of "hope" that I was going to hear from him yesterday. I knew he was out of town for the weekend on a guys fishing trip. I hoped that after getting away he was going to miss me. I was also sad because I had to hear about this trip for months, I even helped plan it out, and I'm dying to hear about it. Today my biggest down fall is being upset about losing a friend. For 10 months I talked to you everyday, about everything. Now your not there and I'm going through a tough period. Today if I could talk to you it wouldn't be about us, it would be about catching up. I miss you. Today wasn't all about you though. I talked to a lot of people today and I was actually present in the conversations and they weren't even about you : ) Even though I looked at my phone a lot today I didn't let it get me down to not see your name. After work, yes I made it through the whole shift, I went for a run, and it made me feel like a new person. I still have hope I will hear from you again. I hate it. I want to know when that hope will subside. I would much rather be in a place to see your name on my phone as a surprise, instead of looking for it. If you don't call I think I would respect you, if your not missing me and even though u said u would call why would u want to bring up hard feelings. BUT isn't it killing you not to call. Obviously not.... Jerk. Leaving on a bight note, I'm exhausted, and I know I will crawl in bed and sleep. 1
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