rtag13 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Okay.. So Me and my gf just recently broke up and it was a disaster the way it ended. Her and I were very close. I'm 26 and she is 21. We were honestly best friends and spent probably too much time with each other. I really want to be with her still and right now I'm in what seems to be a big psychological battle with her. We were together for almost 2 years. The relationship was full of good memories until this May I found out she started doing pills with her friends. We fought all the time about it and she would make promises to not do them anymore and not to hang out with the friends who were often doing the drugs too. She kept screwing up and I kept catching her doing them. Her parents were also drug testing her a lot so they were even disappointed in her and were aware of the problem. So around the beginning of July I started giving her some "hard love" in an attempt to fix the situation. I wouldn't say I love you to her and when she came over to hang out, I wouldn't do things like cuddle with her when she wanted to. However I made it clear to her that I was sick of the drugs and I'm acting like this because I won't change until she does. This went on for about the whole month. She started not spending as much time with me as we used to and I guess I don't blame her because of my lack of affection. When August came around I pretty much gave up on the whole drug thing and started to be that loving boyfriend again and just tried to ignore the bull**** she was doing. Things started to seem like they used to be. Then she stayed down at a beach house for about a week from august 12th-19th with her family. She asked me to come down everyday but I work alot so I couldn't except for one day. I went down that one day to meet up with her and we immediately got in to a big fight. She didn't tell me that her druggy friend was there with her and I immediately realized they were high. We began arguing and I said some really mean things because I really felt like I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. So I broke up with her. In a couple of days I already started missing her and I felt guilty for the way I treated her even though she has obviously developed a drug problem. Her birthday was on august 20th and I tried calling and texting her but she said to leave her alone. I got her a $700 bracelet and some other small gifts but I held on to them at home in an attempt to lure her over and talk to me. I didn't really try for a few more days and then I really started trying. I noticed her attitude was completely different and just did not give a **** that we were so in love for two years.. I could sense that she was overly confident.. I could sense she was already in to another guy.. and yeah I was right. We were arguing one day and I said something along the lines of "you'll never find someone that cares about you and loves you as much as I do".. That's when she laughed and said "yeah I know someone who asks me to come over all the time to watch a movie with him, and he's really cute".. That's when I realized this relationship really is over. every single day from august 26th-September 2nd I was kissing her ass and begging to talk it out with her. She strung it out for 4 days.. every day she said she was going to meet up with me and then eventually ignored me when night time came around and had a story every day for those 4 days. Finally on August 30th, she finally came to see me at night time to except the birthday gifts I got her. I could see it in her face right away that she felt bad or maybe realized that she screwed up. She kept staring in to my eyes, hugging, and kissing me. It all felt right again. She spent the night. The next day I heard she had gone down to her friends college with a couple of friends, one friend being that guy she said wanted to watch movies with her. I immediately got suspicious and asked several times if anything happened and she kept saying nothing at all and promised me. She slept over again that night. We told each other how much we loved one another and even talked about moving in together sometime soon. Something was fishy though.. even though everything seemed right again, like we were back together, she said she still needs to be single for now but we'll be back together soon. I could just sense that she felt guilty about something. That's when I went through her phone as she fell asleep and found out the last thing I ever wanted know. She had sex with that scum bag. He also gave her extacy that night. The guy also turns out to be a big loser with no phone or car and just went to jail on the 30th for not paying a cheap warrant. I believe my girl only came back to me because that piece of crap got locked up. I cried like a little girl and she had nothing to say but to give me a blank stare and try to make me feel guilty for going through her cell phone. I also found out in her phone that she hooked up with a guy on a vacation in Poland on July 17th. All of this has torn me up inside. We obviously argued about that for a couple of hours on the phone (since she left me there to puke) and ended the conversation calling me a psycho and she hates me, because I said I was going to tell her parents. I never did though. Instead I called up my close friends to get advice from them and they all told me the same thing. Do not call her at all. Do not talk to her friends, temporarily delete facebook, and do not text her. And so for two days I didn't contact her at all. My friends explained to me it was just going to drive her crazy and make her want me more and she would eventually call me. Well they were right. Yesterday she called me to see how I was doing. I played it cool and acted like I was completely fine. I made sure I got off the phone with her first. She told me she missed me and ended up calling me later that night again. She asked if Wednesday (today) if I wanted to talk because she thinks we could work it out and I said okay. Well today comes and she doesn't call me all day. I finally give in and text her. I just asked how her day was and stuff like that. She said she was in a bad mood but wouldn't tell me why. I asked her if we were still going to talk tonight and she said yeah probably. I left it at that and hours went by. I called her and asked her what she was doing. She was out with her friend and said tonight wasn't a good night to see each other but asked if I wanted to see her tomorrow. She didn't seem upset anymore, she seemed like she was in a good mood. I immediately assume the worse... that she is still seeing this guy. That this scum bag got out of jail and just got a hold of her. I said to her "I know what’s going on, just don't talk to me, forget it" and hung up. What the **** is going on? How do I go about this now? I regret picking the phone up yesterday because what my friends told me was true. She was missing me and worrying that she could never be with me again. I feel like she's just ****ing with my head. Like she wants to try out a new relationship but wants to make sure I still want her incase it doesn't work out for her. Should I go back to the no contact rule? should I ignore her completely? I don't even know what I could say to her if she called me again. I don't want her to feel like she has this power over me. I need some advice. When she contacts me again is the most important advice I'm asking for.. What to say back to keep her from playing mind games with me. I know, I shouldn't even want to be with her because she looks like a druggy slut right now but I can't explain to you why I want to still be with her.
Gab09 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 You don't have to explain how you feel, I'm more than sure that the rest of us here reading this have or have had a broken heart, and cal feel for your "My mind says something, but my heart still wants her".. I think she's playing you for her comfort, maybe she does love you, but she's trying to check the waters while not losing you for sure. Let her play her own games by herself, you should probably not talk to her and worry about you during this time. I understand how it must feel, I was in a 4 year going on 5 year relationship with a girl, with who I lived for almost 4.5 years. I'm going through that exact heart broken feeling. Best of luck friend, I hope it all works out for you. Stay strong
Sebastian76 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Sorry to hear bud, it sucks. But you have to make up your mind what you really want and what you can live with, and be realistic about it. If it was me there would no going back at this point. The drug issue is a deal breaker, and she seems to be getting in too deep. It is basically her problem, there is nothing you can do about it. I would however consider talking to her parents, for her own sake. She'll hate you for it, but just maybe once she realizes that she lost her boyfriend and her family looks down on her, she will come to her senses and realize that she has a problem. The second part being the lying and her letting another guy screwing her. That alone I know for fact I couldn't live with. I'd never be able to look at her the same way afterwards. So if you come to the conclusion that you need to get out, not that you want to, but have to, then you should be clear to her about it. As I see it there is nothing you can do right now that will fix things. She might come around in a couple of months, maybe not. But you being there ready to love her unconditionally while she is still doing drugs and sleeping around is not a recipe for getting back your devoted girlfriend I'm afraid. And don't fall into the protection trap. If she can't protect her from herself, then neither can you, so restrain yourself from 'being there' for her. If it is over it is over. You will just get used as a crutch everytime she is down and as soon as she feels better, due to your devoted love, she'll be out partying and screwing other guys again... rinse and repeat! You will eventually hate her for it and yourself for letting her. My advise it to be true to yourself and your boundaries and stick to it. This is going rip your heart apart for a good while to come, regardless of which route you take, but you don't have to come out the other side looking like a well worn doormat.
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