SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I think there was a thread about this before but I don't remember the responses. Anyway, I'm finding a "theme" to women online (who reply to me anyway). They don't ask questions when messaging. They just reply to my questions/conversation. What's up with that? Guys who OLD do you notice this too?
Mycteria Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 They are self centered. It's really the only explanation. Edit: That's assuming they are interested at all.
USMCHokie Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I was the one who started the thread you're thinking of. My general take on this is that if a girl only answers a question that I asked in my message and offers absolutely nothing else such as a question of her own or information in addition to the answer to my question, she won't get any further messages from me. She's either not interested or doesn't have much to talk about.
Ca8518 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yes! I went back and forth emailing a guy several times. He only asked me a few questions during that time and I struggled to keep the conversation going. He had no problem talking about himself. Anyway, we ended up going out for two months or so (see previous threads) and a theme to our relationship was him not being interested in my life and never asking questions as basic as "what did you do today." He came on hot and heavy, said how lucky he was to find me and then broke up with me out of nowhere. Lesson learned for me! Our emails should have given me the first red flag but I chose to give him a chance and ended up with someone self-centered and hurt because of it.
phineas Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I was the one who started the thread you're thinking of. My general take on this is that if a girl only answers a question that I asked in my message and offers absolutely nothing else such as a question of her own or information in addition to the answer to my question, she won't get any further messages from me. She's either not interested or doesn't have much to talk about. I get responses but their like: "what are you doing this week" or "i'm doing [so & so]" I feel like i'm carrying on both sides of the conversation so like in real life when this happens I stop conversing.
USMCHokie Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I get responses but their like: "what are you doing this week" or "i'm doing [so & so]" I feel like i'm carrying on both sides of the conversation so like in real life when this happens I stop conversing. Yea, in real life I'd take more effort to continue a conversation, but i don't have much patience for it online....
monkey00 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 I've come across a few of those when I did OLD. Eventually I just stopped messaging them, whether or not they were actually interested. Someone who has no interest in finding things about me aren't worth my time and are probably very boring people. I especially have no interest in wanting to date someone who's boring either. 1
It's Just Me Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yep. Means they have absolutely NO interest. Move along - nothing to see here. 3
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It may seem they're not interested but I've gotten dates with some of them. I don't remember out of all the OLD dates I've gotten how many were like this but it's a lot.
USMCHokie Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It may seem they're not interested but I've gotten dates with some of them. I don't remember out of all the OLD dates I've gotten how many were like this but it's a lot. Getting a date is one thing, but getting a date with a woman who can hold her own in a conversation is another.
Pompom Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 It's my way of saying "You're paying for this site and you showed interest in me which is sort of a compliment, so I'll be polite and not ignore you but please stop replying". Some are not so lucky.
threebyfate Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Don't know about dating site protocol but when I was real life dating, there were men who preferred to be asked questions and others who preferred to tell you things about themselves in their own time frame and manner. So when dating, you had to gauge who found questions intrusive or not. 2
oaks Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Some good points already that I won't repeat. Also, make sure you're asking 'open' questions at least some if the time rather than ones that invite one-word answers. The classic example (but not in a dating scenario) is probably "tell me about your mother".
Andy_K Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 You have to bear in mind that most attractive girls are getting a lot of messages, and if they're replying to several guys they are not going to have time to put much effort into each message. Expect it to take 2-3 messages for them to 'warm' up on occasion. Especially if someone else they're talking to had already made a good impression. If, after that, there's still no change, then cut your losses and leave it. It's also better to ask interesting questions or questions which reveal something about them. Asking 'how was your day?' will get old pretty fast, but something random like 'what's was your last dream about?' can be a lot more interesting. Even a cheeky 'are you really good at cooking and ironing?' will get more of a response out of a girl with the right sense of humour. Be a bit different from everyone else, in your own way.
irc333 Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yeah that's a major pet peeve of mine with online dating, they simply answer questions Me: "So what do you do for a living?" Her: "I work as an airline attendant" The right way: Me: "So what do you do for a living?" Her: "I work as an airline attendant, and you?" If they cannot even add two more words "And You?" Move on 1
ascendotum Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yea, in real life I'd take more effort to continue a conversation, but i don't have much patience for it online.... Yes I got the same, and have the same perspective as Hokie ^
KatZee Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Yep. Means they have absolutely NO interest. Move along - nothing to see here. Agreed. If I'm not asking you anything about yourself, or your life... I just have no interest. It's like... I'm being nice, but take a hint.
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 Agreed. If I'm not asking you anything about yourself, or your life... I just have no interest. It's like... I'm being nice, but take a hint. Not responding to my message would of been a good enough of a hint for me. Being nice? Why? It's a dating site, why would you waste time out of your own life to be nice? Replying to someone you're not interested in makes no sense at all and is leading them on. 2
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It's my way of saying "You're paying for this site and you showed interest in me which is sort of a compliment, so I'll be polite and not ignore you but please stop replying". Some are not so lucky. Cut and paste my response to KatZee here 1
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 The woman I'm messaging now is starting to warm up so that's a plus. She asked a question on her 4th response, I told her something and left something out to where she may want to ask and she did. I baited her in lol! But she added another question of her own so I was pleased to see that. I'm going to try a different approach this time. I was usually asking for a phone number/date by emails 3-5 and never really got anywhere. I'm going to take a slower approach this time and if I lose her to someone more agressive that's the risk I'm willing to take. That being said this woman says she has to be friends first so mabye that's better for me anyway. I won't have the pressure of when to make a move or about comming on to strong, it's worth a shot I say.
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Not responding to my message would of been a good enough of a hint for me. Being nice? Why? It's a dating site, why would you waste time out of your own life to be nice? Replying to someone you're not interested in makes no sense at all and is leading them on. It sounds like this girl had lukewarm interest. Just enough to test the waters with you but then changed her mind.
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 It sounds like this girl had lukewarm interest. Just enough to test the waters with you but then changed her mind. Anything's possible but she replied to my first message almost instantly. She wasn't even online when I messaged her and she responded pretty fast.
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 She could have been checking her phone, had nothing going on, liked the attention, and wanted to chat with someone. With women, who knows. I've tried to analyze and figure out the ones who were hot and cold with me. It's such a headache that you need to accept it fast that if they're messing with you in the beginning then they're not taking you serious at all. Let her go.
Author SJC2008 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Posted September 6, 2012 She could have been checking her phone, had nothing going on, liked the attention, and wanted to chat with someone. With women, who knows. I've tried to analyze and figure out the ones who were hot and cold with me. It's such a headache that you need to accept it fast that if they're messing with you in the beginning then they're not taking you serious at all. Let her go. When it comes to OLD I don't bank on anything. I just hope to find a good woman who isn't shopping for the BBD (I know it goes both ways ladies) and wants to meet someone right for them and do it the right way. I won't get my hopes up until I'm in a R with someone and our profiles are down.
Pompom Posted September 6, 2012 Posted September 6, 2012 Not responding to my message would of been a good enough of a hint for me. Being nice? Why? It's a dating site, why would you waste time out of your own life to be nice? Replying to someone you're not interested in makes no sense at all and is leading them on. So being friendly is deceitful and "leading them on". Okay, so I guess the polite thing to do is just ice-coldly ignoring people who approached you. Even on a dating site I don't find it inappropriate to have friendly conversations just for the heck of it. Being offended by that may be a hint that life as a recluse might be for you. Just because a relationship or contact isn't what you signed up for, doesn't mean it has to be something to complain about. Rejecting all you didn't hope for, is like ordering a pizza, not getting one, and slapping a burger some nice person tries to comfort you with, out of their hand.
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